Please send a play I won't read.

You know who are surprisingly disappointing people? The Artistic Directors of Theaters. You would think that anyone in such an exalted role would have an appreciation of playwrights. But often they don't. I would say that 80% of Artistic Directors lack follow through. In costly publications like Writer's Digest and the publication shown here, they request the submission of new plays along with a bio and resume. Often they want only ten pages of dialog, a synopsis of the play, and a breakdown of characters and set. Rarely will they accept e-mailed submissions, so the not always prosperous playwright has to assemble this package, schlepp to the post office, pay the high cost of postage, including the requested Self-Addressed Stamped Envelope for the return letter which almost never comes. I have sent out major mailings of my two musicals and my one serious play. Out of about 80 submissions for each, I have received no more than ten replies per submission and, of those, only about five gave me any constructive criticism or encouragement. The others were form letters. Especially rude was Miami, where I live. No play I ever sent was read, no response received, and any telephone calls were cleverly evaded. I recently wrote to a local theater who had twice promised to read my play and twice failed to do so.. I wrote to the Artistic Director after two-years, pointing out that he had now had enough time to give me some input. That was weeks ago. The coward never answered. I am sure they feel overwhelmed with the alleged volume of submissions, which is ridiculous. Anyone experienced in theater should be able to tell from the first five pages of a manuscript whether it's any good. As for responding to the author. How difficult is that. Let me show you something. You have sent me a play called The Last Horsie. I have just read ten pages. It is drek. But you took the trouble to send it and you included a response envelope. So here is a letter I am making up right now. This note took a minute out of my life. Who are these Artistic Directors who can't give sincere writers a minute?

"Dear Author, Thank you so much for letting me read The Last Horsie. Unfortunately it does not meet our needs. I found your premise about a cowboy being fired by the film studio when his more popular horse died very amusing. I wish you luck with this and future projects."