Can you complete this couplet?

What's more dangerous

A___________________________

Or__________________________

THE MOST HONORED HOLLYWOOD HAM

Just watched Al Capone, one of the few movies in which Rod Steiger's overacting was appropriate. When I mentioned to my partner Peter how much I liked the film, his response was, "Do you think they ever charged Rod Steiger for all the scenery he chewed?" 

As a life-long fan of musical comedy, I am especially fond of The Adventures of Marco Polo, a 1956 TV special, which was never on stage. Among the brilliant lyrics of Edward Eager are several lines that are very suitable for today's crusades for  equality.  I am presenting two of them here, which were sung by the Marco Polo character by Alfred Drake.

"Strip us both down and you'd surprise me a lot if one of us has anything the other has not".

And

"I've been studying people in crowds and in dozens, we may not all be brothers, but I think at least we're cousins."

SOUND ADVICE TO ALL RETAILERS, DOCTORS, PUBLIC SERVICES, ANYONE WITH A PHONE ANSWERING SERVICE IN THE TIME OF COVID. Stop saying, "We'll be with you in a minute or shortly" when you know it will be at least a half an hour and more likely more if you don't hang up on the caller.

NEW AND UNNECESSARY CHORES.

In today's society there are two new chores that infuriate me. Both are annoyingly unnecessary and request ed from lazy people who want you to help them do their job. The first is the unsubscribe chore.  You want to get rid of a constant unwelcome e-mail, so you click unsubscribe. Most e-mailers will stop sending the annoying messages. But others want you to type in your e-mail address (which they already know) before they drop you from their pain-in-the-ass messages. (See below.) The second is the Doctor's appointment chore. A person calls to make sure you will keep your appointment. But you are not home. She leaves a message telling you to call them back and confirm. In short it becomes your responsibility to confirm the doctor's appointment schedule.

Please specify an email address that you would like removed.

WHAT DOCS DON'T DO.

Most doctors don't consider the finances of their patients. Too often they write out prescriptions that their patients can't afford or a have trouble paying for.  Often they write a prescription without considering if there is a smaller size that will do the job. Example: My dermatologist prescribed two creams to treat a blemish I have had for months. The pharmacist told me one of them was free, the other was uncovered by my insurance and cost $36.00. I declined buying it hoping the free cream would do the job. It didn't. Seeing no improvement I went back to purchase the costly cream. But it had been sold, and had to be reordered. I told the pharmacist I suspected the dermatogist had prescribed more than I needed. She said she would see if there was a smaller tube. There was, and it only cost $12.00. After using only four tiny dabs for two days, the blemish I had had for four months disappeared. So even with the very affordable $12.00 tube, I still have far more than I needed.

BLINDSIDED BY GREED

 Let's face it. All pharmaceutical companies are greedy thieves. Probably the creators of the medicines have good intentions, but the marketers only care about profits. They don't give a damn if someone can afford their products or not.They keep the prices as high as possible. And the worst offenders are the makers of optical products, like the ubiquitous Bausch & Lomb.  Eye drops are the most overpriced products of all. For a long time my eye doctor has given me samples. But today I had to fill a prescription at Walgreens. The tiny bottle which is only good for a month was $130.00! I was supposed to feel grateful because the actual price for this minute quality of "miracle" liquid is $530.00. Fortunately I can afford this. Most people can't, and since so many in need of these product are elderly like me (79) I can only assume the manufacturer's attitude is "pay up or go blind."

PREFERED HEALTH CARE LIES!

For several years I've been reasonably happy with Medica coverage. Still I considered changing to another  plan until I saw a commercial in which they said they changed their name to Preferred and offered extra benefits I needed. So I decided to stick with them. Now that I have, I find they lied about those extra benefits. In addition,  I have had two  expensive  copays I didn't have before, and received a letter denying payment for a  routine visit to my primary care physician by their holding company United Health Care.  The upshot is that I am stuck with Preferred for another year and anticipate more problems and expenses. I intend to be a thorn in their side, and if you are unfortunate enough to be stuck with them as well, I suggest you question every overcharge.

TV's WORST OFFENSES

There are many annoying and lousy ads on television, but I don't think any come close to being as irritatingly unwatchable as those of Liberty Mutual, notably the illogical emu absurdities.  I am constantly muting or switching channels every time I seen the unappealing face of their spokesman Doug, who looks like an unshowered derelict. But all their commercials are terrible. The bull rider, the aging rope jumpers, the fortune teller, etc. They all seem to have been written in five minutes and filmed in the next five. I have to assume that repetition brings business as these awful commercials dominate the air time.

MURDERING THE ENGLISH LANGUAGE

In watching true crime series I am struck constantly by how illiterate most law enforcement persons are. They almost never say the correct lying instead of laying as in, "the body was lying on the floor". And they constantly misuse the word that brands them as totally ignorant, "Drug". I cringe every time one of these supposedly competent persons says something like, "He drug the body into the field." There is no such usage. The term is dragged. I am surprised that the producers of these shows keep allowing these lawmen to be shown in such an unflattering light.

It took dozens of lies, verbal attacks, conspiracy theories and pure insanity for Twitter to revoke Majorie Greene's account. I, on the other hand, wrote over a thousand polite and thought provoking tweets, but as soon as I called Laura Ingraham a bitch for her insult to Obama, right wing Twitter banished me forever. I have since written three letters of protest to them, demanding explanation. They have arrogantly not replied. 

 If anyone reading this is still a Trump fan, I encourage you to rent, buy, or somehow view the film A Face in the Crowd.  Based on a short story published in 1953, Your Arkanasas Traveler, the 1957 film eerily mirrors Donald Trump's rise to prominence in depicting the meteoric success of an equally unqualified narcissist name Lonesome Rhodes (Andy Griffith).  Rhodes, who was discovered by a radio promoter Marcia Jeffries (Patricia Neal) strikes a chord with millions of American citizens, and keeps rising in popularity until he has image, power, his own TV show and national influence. It all comes tumbling down when Neal exposes him in a way that lets his fans see the real Rhodes, a bitter man contemptuous of the people he claims to love. Sadly that revelation hasn't happened with Trump yet, but it will. Other than seeing a great movie, you'll be stunned by the brilliant performance of Andy Griffith in this, his very first film. You may also wonder, as I do,  how Budd Schulberg could possibly conceive a character in 1953 who was so much like a charlatan who didn't assault our democracy till decades later.

A SHAMEFUL DEATH,

The most disturbing news story this week was the murder of a rare and beautiful Malayan tiger to spare the life of a dime a dozen asshole. It seems some idiotic 26-year-old employee of a zoo in Naples, Florida, trespassed where he didn't belong and was attacked by an 8-year-old tiger well within his rights. The moron's screams bought law enforcement to the rescue who shot the tiger to death for behaving like a tiger, thus saving the worthless life of a nobody. It was a terrible act of injustice as I am sure there are millions of people who would have done what I would have done: shot the man and spared the tiger. There are fewer than 300 of these gorgeous animals left on earth, while there is an endless supply of arrogant saps who never give a second thought to their impulsive stupidities.