KEEP YOUR HANDS WHERE WE CAN SEE THEM.

Straight men never seem so gay as when they're discussing sports. This is why sportscasting is probably the fruitiest profession.  (Not that there's anything wrong with that.) But think about it. Sportscasters are announcers who spend their entire careers thinking about men. And not just any men, but the youngest, strongest, handsomest and hottest men around. In fact, you will notice that they get annoyed when they have to deal with women's sports. No, they are pro-men men. It's all they think about, all they talk about. Watch any sportscaster on any news program and see how excited he gets just reliving that last game, praising the player who made that thrilling pass or sank that fantastic winning ball. See how proud he is to be in the locker room with all those muscular superheroes changing out of their sweaty football uniforms uniforms or their satiny basketball shorts. He knows everyone's name, their background, their abilities, their failings, and—most important— their statistics. This is truly loving one's profession. And the thrill continues the day after every game, when he sits around with other equally passionate fans reliving every move, every play, all of them as giddy as any group of horny wives gossiping about that cute delivery boy. Now I wouldn't suggest for a moment that these sportscasters are anything but real men, because they constantly remind us that only real men are interested in sports.