PRETENDING TO BE MITCH MCCONNELL

I'm not a bad guy. No really. Like I'm not a racist. I just don't like blacks, especially Barack Obama, who had no right to be a president. I think he is a Kenyan. I'm glad he's gone. I don't like Trump either, but I've been making money hand over fist since he was elected. He's really dumb, but I will stand by him, even if it means ignoring my oath of office and totally ignoring The Constitution . I'll be reelected. You just watch. The morons of Kentucky sent me this far. They're not going to get smart overnight. I'm sort of like Richard the Third. Powerful, but kind of ugly. So what? I got a attractive wife. I get a big salary so I can afford hookers. As long as Republicans are sheep, and I know certain secrets, and I kiss Bozo's ass, I'm safe. I can't wait to screw up this impeachment trial.I've got plans. Let me ask you. I don't think I look like a turtle, do you?