Another week in Miami.

All right, I admit it. The following is a recycled piece I wrote years ago. I only include it because it seems just as true today. Its title: Things that happen every week in Miami.

A private plane will land on a highway, golf course, or suburban street and two or more people will be killed while one passenger, usually the pilot, will survive.

A young husband or boyfriend will murder his wife or girlfriend then turn the gun on himself. The neighbors will say they were a lovely couple.

A teenager, who didn't even know she was pregnant, will leave her newborn at the door of a church or in a dumpster.

Somebody's father, uncle, cousin or grandfather suffering from Alzheimers will go missing

A body, in one piece or dismembered will turn up in a canal. Not far away will be a sunken car which is completely unrelated.

A tractor-trailer will jackknife during rush hour causing its toxic cargo to spill, requiring the evacuation of an entire town.

A child will bring a gun, knife, torpedo, rocket launcher, or other weapon to school and be expelled.

A mysterious suitcase will be left at the airport, creating a bomb scare, before it is discovered that the contents are harmless.

A local politician or school board member will be caught embezzling money, taking graft, performing obscene acts or using taxpayers' money to finance a family vacation in Bali.

A pit bull will attack a woman, child, cat, poodle or blind man in a wheelchair. The owner will show amazement since Killer never showed aggression before.

An infant, tot, or toddler will fall from a third story window or balcony and be completely unharmed.

Residents of a rundown apartment building will be left homeless because of a fire caused by an elderly person smoking in bed.

During an episode or road rage a perfectly lovely housewife will take out her nail file and stab another angry driver to death.

A travel company will mysteriously close its doors and run off with the deposits of hundreds of consumers who planned on taking a Caribbean cruise.

German, Swedish, Italian or Candian tourists will tearfully explain how their vacation is ruined because they were robbed leaving the airport.

The local news stations will report all these incidents as if they never happened before.