I'm guessing, and I could be wrong, that Rafael Cruz
doesn't know that he's terminally unattractive. If he did, he would not have put his ugly mug on the cover of his ghost-written book. He would not look so peacocky at fundraisers. And he would never subject his audiences to his Grandpa Munster smile. But sadly he not only thinks he's attractive, but—are you sitting?— macho and funny. This mistaken belief can be the only possible explanation for his video Making Machine Gun Bacon with Ted Cruz. In the video, a goony grinning Cruz wraps bacon around the barrel of a semi-automatic machine gun and then fires off a round of shots which supposedly heats the bacon. One wonders why someone this disturbed owns a semi-automatic machine gun and what this demonstration is supposed to prove. Is it a fundraising tool designed to arouse the generous donations of Duck Dynasty fans everywhere? Or does he think Hormel will hire him as their new spokesman once he fails to get any kind of support for the presidency? All it proved to me is that Rafael Cruz is a huge rancid lump of Canadian bacon.
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