"Careful, he bites."

What does this demented old lizard do other than spread dissent? (Some people say he looks more like a turtle. I think that's cruel.) I often wonder if he's so negative because he's so damned ugly. Like all albino rats (sorry, I shouldn't confuse a cold-blooded reptile with a warm-blooded mammal)  he has poor eyesight, which is what got him an honorable discharge from Fort Knox after five weeks in service (optic neuritis being one of his many non mental handicaps).  McConnell was hatched in Sheffield, Alabama 74 years ago. It was there that he developed his rabid racism which he denies but proves constantly in his hissing hatred of President Obama.  When he was a teen-ager his family moved to Kentucky, which proved beneficial as McConnell did very well in this backward state which is home to the Creation Museum. His first wife Sherill Redmon escaped in 1993 the same year he wisely married Elaine Chao who had much wealthier parents. Like Ted (Rafael) Cruz and other wimpy Republicans he assumed the name Mitch hoping it might make him seem more masculine and appealing.  It didn't. His real name is Addison, which is derived from adder a small venomous snake of the family Viperidae. The only other Addison I know is Addison Dewitt in All About Eve, who was also a bitter, unctuous, scheming, and thoroughly poisonous character.