People are very bad at giving compliments. I don't understand why. Perhaps because it comes easy to me. I find it very simple to tell someone they are attractive, or a good writer, or have a wonderful sense of style.And while I'm complimenting me, I also pride myself on being specific. Not the vague, "I like that dress" but such added comments as, "What a great color." or "It looks like it was designed just for you." Only comments that are true of course. I realize this recently when I colored my grey hair. I liked the way it looked and I didn't ask many people for their opinion, which didn't stop them from giving it. Two really good friends, both women, said they liked it an I should keep doing it. One added the always nice to hear at almost 70. "I didn't realize you had so much hair." But most people made that dumbest of remark, "Oh, you dyed you hair." which leaves you wondering what that means. It looks good or it looks terrible. Why do people bother with lines like that unless they plan to add some further information. Even when they're being kind, it's annoying. "Gee, I really liked your story." Dead stop. Not a single explanation as to why or a hint they even read it. "Hey, the apartment looks nice." Because? But there is no because. Anyway, back to my hair. Two days ago one woman friend, said, "You hair looks fine. It just needs to be shorter." The same day, a male friend said,"It looks good, it's just needs to be longer." But the clincher yesterday was when a neighbor my age said, "You colored your hair. You look like Red Buttons." Since Red Buttons wasn't the look I was going for and since I feel more comfortable with short hair anyway, I got out the Wahl this morning and buzzed myself to army recruit length and it's very comfortable. I will still color it, of course, because gray hair is very depressing. But I don't think I'll be as generous with my compliments to others in the future. Or at least I will say to the ones who have never been forthcoming, "Oh, I almost didn't recognize you." Then let them wonder why.
Sunday, January 8, 2012
People are very bad at giving compliments. I don't understand why. Perhaps because it comes easy to me. I find it very simple to tell someone they are attractive, or a good writer, or have a wonderful sense of style.And while I'm complimenting me, I also pride myself on being specific. Not the vague, "I like that dress" but such added comments as, "What a great color." or "It looks like it was designed just for you." Only comments that are true of course. I realize this recently when I colored my grey hair. I liked the way it looked and I didn't ask many people for their opinion, which didn't stop them from giving it. Two really good friends, both women, said they liked it an I should keep doing it. One added the always nice to hear at almost 70. "I didn't realize you had so much hair." But most people made that dumbest of remark, "Oh, you dyed you hair." which leaves you wondering what that means. It looks good or it looks terrible. Why do people bother with lines like that unless they plan to add some further information. Even when they're being kind, it's annoying. "Gee, I really liked your story." Dead stop. Not a single explanation as to why or a hint they even read it. "Hey, the apartment looks nice." Because? But there is no because. Anyway, back to my hair. Two days ago one woman friend, said, "You hair looks fine. It just needs to be shorter." The same day, a male friend said,"It looks good, it's just needs to be longer." But the clincher yesterday was when a neighbor my age said, "You colored your hair. You look like Red Buttons." Since Red Buttons wasn't the look I was going for and since I feel more comfortable with short hair anyway, I got out the Wahl this morning and buzzed myself to army recruit length and it's very comfortable. I will still color it, of course, because gray hair is very depressing. But I don't think I'll be as generous with my compliments to others in the future. Or at least I will say to the ones who have never been forthcoming, "Oh, I almost didn't recognize you." Then let them wonder why.
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