THE PEACOCK PUZZLEMENT.

For some inexplicable and bizarre reason the City of Miami has designated peacocks as a protected species. This is very odd since peacocks are not indigenous to Miami or Florida and they are a pain in the ass. Peacocks, whose numbers are growing, travel in gangs. These gangs defecate on your property, steal your outdoor pets' food, and often strut on your roof disturbing the tiles, or jump on your car leaving evidence of their visit. But worst of all, and most unforgivable is that while a rooster crows with the dawn, peacocks scream all night long. They have a piercing howl that can sound like a terrorized cat, an abandoned baby, and even a woman being assaulted. Their howls would put any clock alarm to shame, and it could come at any time. I have met people who just love peacocks. I would guess they live in apartment buildings. Because these birds are a bane to homeowners. And if you picture the peacocks with their tails fanned out in a glorious display, forget it. That is a rare event. You are more likely to see a gang of peahens in the middle of the street, holding up traffic.