The great pretender.

Despite arguments from friends to the contrary, I think Febreze is a complete fraud. It does not eliminate odors as the commercials suggest. It temporarily masks them like every other spray. And its original scent is not so wonderful that people will react like addicts to glue. I am certain that if you filled a car with garbage, and then sprayed it with Febreze, your blindfolded testers would smell a combination of garbage and Febreze. Speaking of garbage, I think that's what most of this company's claims are: garbage.

Note: Is one supposed to spell febreze with a lower-case f?

The Great Gatsby. Art Direction:10. Direction: 5.

I really hated the book The Great Gatsby. I find it pretentious and abstruse and couldn't care less about any of the characters. So, when I heard they were remaking The Great Gatsby, I gleefully predicted it would be another disaster. Apparently I was wrong. It seems that it has done well at the box office. Which doesn't mean that it's a good film. But at least it's half good. My first surprise was that, as far as could see, Leonardo DiCaprio was not the star of the movie, Tobey Maguire as Nick Carraway was. At least it seemed they spent more time on his character, his expressive face, and his moral dilemmas than on Leonardo as Jay Gatsby. Although Leonardo was excellent in the role and was every bit as handsome as any matinee idol of the 20s.  Carey Mulligan as Daisy Buchanan was the perfect love interest, while Joel Edgerton as her cuckholded husband, Tom, stole most of the scenes he was in.  Frankly, I felt the opening hour was ridiculous. The party scenes, while great to look at, were so over-the-top as to kill one's crediblity about the rest of the film. But fortunately at a certain point Baz Luhrmann got tired of his silly Moulin Rouge excesses and decided to tell the story. Then, despite still more unlikely over-art-directed scenes like a speeding yellow Duesenberg in downtown Manhattan, and an early morning speakeasy orgy, the film got interesting. But ultimately, it wasn't even as compelling as a single episode of Boardwalk. So, after all is said and done, I think you can add this fourth The Great Gatsby to the "Good try, Old Sport" list.

A nation of hypocrites.

This is what Sunday looks like in many American cities. Worshippers flocking to mega churches run by super-wealthy ministers who wear thousand dollar suits and have a fleet of luxury cars. And these church-goers are so stupid and so ignorant of biblical teachings, it never occurs to them that this kind of worship is completely contrary to the teachings of Jesus Christ, whom they claim to love and obey. In many of these churches today, there are tight-jawed Republicans who are eager to destroy what they call Obamacare, despite the fact that it will deny medical care to many thousands of needy adults and children. Jesus would find this horrifying, but they don't. They really have very little interest in what Christ would do or want, though they constantly proclaim themselves to be Christians, which they, in fact, are not. They are smug and indulgent heathens with their asses planted in expensive pews of polished wood; singing their soulless hearts out from pricey hymnals to the music of a exhorbitant organ and a choir dressed in princely robes; smugly smiling at their sublime surroudings of priceless windows and costly chandeliers; and exiting this palace on soft carpets that cost a fortune to purchase, install and keep clean. And it never occurs to them how that money could help the homeless, the hungry, the desperate. Why should it? That's something that would only occur to people who believe in Christian teachings.

If only.

Thank goodness Al Gore was finally elected the 43rd President of United States when it was discovered that there had been voter fraud by the Republican party in in Florida. As a president he was outstanding. His Secretary of State, realizing that Osama bin Laden was planning an attack on the United States took immediate action and prevented what could have been a second assault on the New York Trade Towers. His stubborn attempts to slow global warming were highly successful and world scientists say his innovations in reduced emissions and alternate fuel sources may have prevented severe melting of the ice caps and severe weather conditions. The economy, as we all know grew at a fantastic rate and he was greatly responsible for guilting so many American companies into moving their production back to United States. Yes, America was very fortunate to have elected President Al Gore who has proven to be a wise and steady leader. Of course, George Bush, may have been a good president, too. But we'll never know.

Note: Sadly, the only thing true about this could-have-been fantasy is that Al Gore was elected the 43rd President of the United States and was cheated out of his win by a biased Supreme Court.

Around the clock cheating.

I have frequently complained on my blog that Walgreens' prices are significantly higher than even our highest-priced supermarkets. But I was surprised to learn that isn't the only way they have been ripping off customers. It seems that the Attorney General in Missouri is suing Walgreens due to deceptive pricing tactics. The purchased item shows one price, but when the clerk rings it up it's for a higher price. Most customers don't notice. That's what Walgreens counts on. The conclusion: If you're shopping at Walgreens, you''re paying too much—one way or another.

Come away. Come away.

Don't click the arrow until you've read this post. I had a kind of a vision today. Well more like an idea, but I could see it. It's the name and opening of a nonexistent film company. You know like Tristar with its winged horse and Lions Gate with its machinery. The company would be called Bali Hai and it would open, naturally, with a visual of a lush enticing, distant tropical island, so forget this album cover and imagine that magical island.  When the film opens and you see this island and the production company name, the only music you would hear would be a lush orchestral version of the opening  notes of the South Pacific song as you hear it here. Okay, once you've pictured the island, you can click the arrow.


That's all. Just had to get it down. Of course the Rodgers estate would never allow it, but it would be impressive.

No kick here.

Having been in advertising for 40 years, I can easily recognize commercials like this. The art director and copywriter convince themselves that the gimmick they have created—in this case giving yourself a kick—will go viral. They are sure it will be another "Where's the beef? or "Got milk?". But, alas, it rarely is. This particular gimmick, I think, is too contrived and not all that creative. Sorry V-8. You should have had another idea.