QUICK RANT.

I'm fascinated by the commercial advertisers that can't pronounce their own names or products and even hire expensive announcers who can't do it either. For instance almost every commercial for toothpaste uses the word dennist or dennal. No t. Lifelock's expensive commercials promise to protect you from idennity theft. No t.  For some reason Enterprise Rental Cars think their name is Ennaprize Rennal Cars. No Ts. And every company that has some kind of connection to the Internet thinks it's called the innanet. These are just a few of the dozens of advertisers who have rotten diction or hire pitchmen or women who do. I know this is a particular passion of mine, but it drives me mad because it's so unnecessary and lazy. Or as these advertisers would say, it's making me frannic.

IDIOT.

This is 2016. We went to the moon ages ago. Almost everyone carries a cell phone with them, a smart cell phone that has access to a world of information and unlimited photos. We can replace hearts, lungs, cure most everything, and we're inventing and devising and imagining new things every day. We now know that Earth is a minuscule planet in a universe so vast we are discovering new areas of it all the time. What's my point? That in this age, this year, this fantastic world, the age of scientific discovery, a person has to be an idiot to say, "I thank my lord and savior Jesus Christ. I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to come this far with each of you" That was the delusional opening to Rubio's speech after the Iowa caucus. How could anyone vote, in 2016, for a magical thinking moron who believes that some imaginary being in some remote and unknown place gave a fuck whether he came in third in some some backward American state where many of the residents are obviously as completely clueless as he is?

SHRINKING NEWS COVERAGE

Years ago, the nightly news at 6:30 on all three networks was news coverage interrupted by a few minutes of commercials. Today it's commercials interrupted by a few minutes of news.  Which is annoying as hell. But what's even more annoying is that news is no longer news. Surely something more happened in the world than the opening or a Star Wars film, a new version of Adele's latest song,
the introduction of a new Oreo flavor, or even Bill Cosby's latest accuser. Now all we get are brief clips that includes partial stories, insignificant data, and quotes from irrelevant celebrities. All with a single purpose: to fill time until the next long string of commercials for cars and pharmaceuticals. And what's saddest of all is no one seems to notice or complain.

AND THE RUNNER UP IS....

His holiness,
MARCO RUBIO!

AND THE WINNER IS....

His creepiness,
RAFAEL CRUZ!

THE TERRIFYING TRIAD.

What could be more depressing? This year the Iowa caucuses will decide who is the winner from among the three leading Republicans: Rafael Cruz, Donald Trump, and Marco Rubio. I can't think of three other more unworthy and repulsive choices. But even more disturbing are the number of Americans who think that any one of these lying, arrogant creeps is worthy of being president. They are like three ogres in a Hans Christian Anderson story who somehow have convinced the citizenry that they are lovable princes. But sadly the residents of Iowa won't suddenly see the warts, the flaming red eyes, and the foot long curling tongue.

THE PERFECT SUBJECT FOR A RAINY DAY.

One of the greatest inventions of all time and one we take for granted is the umbrella. What's most amazing about the umbrella is that it hasn't changed that much in 4,000 years. It was originally invented by the Chinese (wasn't everything?) for protection from the sun, in short a parasol. But eventually those inventive Chinese waterproofed it and used it to keep dry in the rain. In 1852 an Englishman named Samuel Fox was the first to use metal ribs. Still he didn't change it that much, nor did anyone else other than making it portable and collapsible and, in some cases, much, much bigger.  So whether you call it an umbrella, a brolly, or a bumbershoot, give some thought to what a fabulous invention this is in an age where everything else seems to change overnight.

Note: The scene above is from Alfred Hitchock's brilliant 1940 film Foreign Correspondent. And if you haven't seen it, why not?