"Your call is important 
to us, please continue to hold."
That's the message that my Medica Healthcare Plan kept repeating today for twenty minutes until I gave up trying to reach them. There are few things in life more annoying that waiting on line having to listen to some god-awful music, interrupted every  few minutes by an assurance that your waiting is not in vain, when it is. I have found most health care plans start out generous and become ripoffs in not time at all. At the beginning, Medica charged a $15 co-pay for my medication. Now, only a year later it's $60, and that's also $60 for the generic. I'd like to know why. But that's unlikely since they seem to have a network of never-answered phones.

DOWNTON DOWNER

While  Series 6 of Downton Abbey was very good last night it had a really unpleasant beginning, at least for me. While I've come to like the characters on the series, I detest fox hunting and to see two of the leading characters, Lady Mary and Lord Grantham, engaged in this blood sport was disturbing. There's no question, of course, that the aristocrats hunted foxes until their dogs captured the defenseless animal and ripped it to pieces. Stlll it's disgusting, sadistic, and not something kind people do.

A LITTLE BITTER WHINING

One of the most annoying things about 2015 is that nobody was interested in staging my play The Gray List.I wouldn't be so annoyed if I hadn't seen ,or read about, so many mediocre plays that didn't have nearly as much to say. Here is just one short scene between the hero, screenwriter John Brooks, and his friend Grace Winston, a film noir star of the late 50s.

GRACE 

And why wasn’t I a bitch?  Because I was afraid that if I stepped on anyone, I’d be on my way back East.  Or worse,I'd be another Peg Entwistle. 

JOHN 

Who’s she?  Do I know Peg Entwhistle? 

GRACE 

Of course you do, John. Everybody in this town knows Peg Entwhistle because everybody in this town is Peg Entwistle. (Pause) She was the pretty blonde who was washed up at 24. She could have gone back home and created a new life. But instead, on the night of September 18, 1932, she hiked up Lee Canyon to the Hollywood sign  and climbed up a workman’s ladder to the top of the letter H. From there, she jumped  out of obscurity right into Hollywood legend. Peg Entwhistle. She showed everybody in this town how to make a grand exit. 

JOHN 

Well, you would never have been a Peg Entwhistle. You were, are, a real talent. (Pause) Besides, you’re afraid of heights. 

GRACE 

These days, Johnny, I’m afraid of everything. Flying. Getting old. Being alone.  Ending up in the Actor’s Home. 

PEOPLE I HOPE I DON'T SEE IN 2016

There are so many annoying people in the world. And we're all irritated by different types. Here are few of the people I detest. The man or woman on the bus who is drinking soda or coffee and eating some item when the sign clearly says NO EATING, DRINKING, OR SMOKING. Sorry I'm a rule follower and I don't like people who aren't. Also on the bus the moron who doesn't have ear buds so puts his phone or radio up to his ear so he can hear the music or ball game and the rest of us have to deal with a screechy static sound. There's always the person who stands too close to you in line. Equally annoying is the person in line who leaves a space of about six feet from everyone else making you have to stand behind them. The ditz who steps off the escalator and just stops dead creating a pile- up because they don't know where they are going. The merry band of friends and family who must travel along a city street arm in arm making it difficult for others to get by. The person on the cell phone talking too loud and as animatedly as if they were alone. The presumptuous stranger who says things like,"How about that game?" when you haven't a clue what he's talking about and couldn't care less. The female telemarketer who says, "Boy, Al you're a hard person to reach." as if she knew you. And finally  the most frequently annoying people: The couple making out in public. She to prove she's loved. He to prove he's straight. Those are just some of my pet annoyances. Expect more rants in the future.

Note: A good friend wrote to tell me the most irritating people he deals with are drivers. Since I have never learned to drive I seem to have avoided that particular annoyance.

DON'T OIL THAT SQUEAKY DOOR.

As a constant reader of true crime books and a fan of Forensic Files, I am stunned by the number of young women who are raped or murdered by someone who climbed through their bedroom window or entered through an unlocked door. I can't imagine why a woman, especially an attractive one living alone doesn't prepare for any such an attack. Especially when it's so easy. Not only would I lock the windows, but make sure that the sills had precipitiously placed breakable items making quiet entry impossible. Same for any entrance. Place a chair or lightweight table against the door with a big cheap vase that will come crashing down at the slightest attempt at in intrusion. If your front door squeaks all the better.  You'll find more helpful hints of this kind in the book How To Be or Not To Be Murdered written and illustrated by Pat Longan.

AT 25, GORGEOUS. AT 65, GROTESQUE.

I am amazed at the number of tattoos I see every day. Once upon a time, they were only on pseudo-macho men or ex-sailors. Now they are seen across all social lines: men, women, teens, lowbrow and highbrow. And it's no longer just an anchor or rose, but elaborate designs, Biblical quotes, multi-colored dragons and birds, tigers, snakes, Chinese symbols, and even company logos. And they are no longer on the arm or shoulder but on the face, feet, buttocks, fingers, etc. This sudden acceptance of body art doesn't offend me, but it does surprise me. I am fascinated that so many people are willing to commit to an indelible tattoo. It is like saying that you are willing to wear the same article of clothing every day for the rest of your life. Also getting older is always difficult. I think it would be depressing to have a design on your skin that is fresh and vital when you are young, but mocks you with its fading and wrinkled appearance as you age.

DAY ONE.

If ever a city should lose its taxi business to Uber, it's Miami. Calling a taxi in Miami is a hit or miss proposition. First all they have the crankiest, most unpleasant dispatchers. Amazingly it doesn't matter when you call, it always sounds like the same rushed and short-tempered woman. And what she tells you is almost never true. Last night, after a party in Coral Gables, the front desk clerk ordered us a cab that was supposed to arrive in 15 minutes. Twenty minutes later, nothing. A second call went unanswered. A third and fourth call resulted in busy signals. Forty minutes later, nothing. This is not unusual in Miami. I have had mostly bad experiences with Miami cab companies for thirty years. It was another hour before we could secure a cab on the street. We picked that up at a bus stop foolishly hoping Metro Transit planned some activity for New Year's Eve. Naturally they didn't. I say more power to Uber.