"I'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

See, if I said that, I would be lying like all the networks do. Starting tomorrow I am heading north in search of cold, snow, ice, fireplaces, a sense of Christmas, and pine trees that aren't sold at Publix. I will be visiting Washington, D.C. while it's still civilized, Boston, and New York. Since I am a coward, I will be taking the train up and possibly flying back. Since I am a Luddite, I cannot promise I will be able to write any posts during my trip, but I'll see if I can figure it out. Unlike most travelers, I don't need company, though it is occasionally pleasant, and I don't need major cities. Coolidge Corner is as interesting to me as Piccadilly Circus—well, sorta. Anyway, I may have another gripe or two before I actually take off. But I should be back on line sometime in late January. My partner will be manning the fort and caring for the critters. He loves solitude as much as I do. So don't invite him anywhere. His motto is the same as Elaine's on Seinfeld, "I'll go if I don't have to talk."

P.S. If you want to read an interesting blog by a brilliant and fiery Democrat while I'm gone, I highly recommend my friend's mycatsaredemocrats which usually calms me down.

"WE'LL BE RIGHT BACK."

That's the lie the David Muir repeats every weeknight on the ABC News. Oftentimes he says it right after a single news story. If you think "right back" means immediately or quickly, you'd be wrong. Often there are as many as eleven commercials before they are right back. There are commercials for cars, pharmaceuticals, household appliances, beauty products, breakfast cereals, electronics, etc. Now I subscribe to Acorn, which gives me a wide choice of entertainment, all advertising-free. This service costs me only $4.00 a month. So I can't imagine why the highly profitable networks have to punish their cable-paying customers with so many commercials. My guess is that they don't. Most of the commercials are gravy to them. And they can keep doing it because American consumers don't complain about being deluged with unnecessary pitches while they receive fewer and fewer news stories. It's just another major aspect of the Culture of Greed to which we have, sadly, become inured.

WINNER.

If you're a regular viewer of Jeopardy, you will appreciate that as much as you like to test your knowledge against the contestants, you also get to like or hate those contestants. Some winners are arrogant and obnoxious. Fans will remember several multi-game winners, all male, who they particularly disliked. Other winners are very likeable and it is a pleasure see them increase their winnings. Such a winner was Cindy Stowell, who recently won six games and became the most inspiring contestant in the show's 33-year history. Because what viewers did not now was that when Cindy recorded her shows in August and September she had Stage 4 colon cancer. She was competing while on painkillers and often fighting a fever but never looked anything less than calm and controlled. Sadly Cindy never got to see her appearances as they were broadcast. She died on December 5 just over a week before her episodes were aired. She was 41. Before dying she pledged to donate her more than $100,000 in winnings to the Cancer Research Institute.  Tragic as this story is, Cindy's courage has been one of the few bright lights in these dark, dark days.

CRAPAGANDA.

It will come as no surprise to most people that Donald Trump holds sway with The Enquirer. So it will come as no surprise that the newest issue (not shown) praises Trump for his many supposed accomplishments before his even taking office. The same cover "reveals" that Malia Obama is in rehab and that Bill Clinton is down to 117 pounds and dying of cancer. Like Trump himself, this trashy rag has no problem with stating lies which apparently are the only stories that magnetize their moronic readers. Sadly The Enquirer was once the supermarket tabloid reserved for the lowbrow and near-illiterate reader. Educated Americans read The New Yorker, Vanity Fair, The Atlantic, and other factual magazines and, of course, newspapers. But in the age of Trump, facts and truth are becoming increasingly irrelevant and sadly the broadcast media are eagerly embracing this trend for the sake of ratings. So the next time you're in the checkout line and see the garish cover of the National Enquirer and the lurid and deceptive headlines, ask yourself: Is this the new America?

THREE NATASHAS.

I am watching a four-part War and Peace on Acorn. It's pretty well done, at least compared to the recent dreadful Dr. Zhivago. But it mystifies me. Why? Because this multi-national production boasts gorgeous scenery, lavish sets, believable war scenes, and fantastic costumes. The music is excellent, the camera work superb, and the script good despite its liberties. And yet. After all this location work, expense, set building, and careful attention to every detail, they failed in the most important area: casting. Anyone who has seen the 1968, 8-hour Russian epic is sure to remember the beautiful and raven-haired Lyudmila Savelyeva making her film appearance as Natasha like a sudden sunburst.  Even the entertaining 1956 version, had dark-haired Audrey Hepburn as the irrepressible Natasha. So one wonders why, with all the work that went into this mini-series, one would star the bland blonde fashion model Clemence Poesy in this pivotal part. True, she's had a few successful screen roles including the lead in the TV mystery The Tunnel (which I found too violent and boring to continue watching) but she is not a seasoned actress and is all wrong for the demanding role of Natasha. The series does somewhat better with Andre (too short) and Pierre (too stoic). The last time I recall such an event was with the remaking of The Forsyte Saga, in which they starred Gina McKee as Irene. Irene was a femme fatale whose beauty and charisma created no end of scandals and breakups. The talented Gina, sadly, did not possess that kind of beauty.

This post is just to remind you that once upon a time songs were written with what we call lyrics. These were carefully constructed words with meaning, unlike most of the crap today which is often one line repeated endlessly. Even more surprising back then performers could actually sing, without backups, without echo chambers. Singers were not chosen for their beauty or their busts, but their talent. I include here Charles Aznavour since so many people seem to have no knowledge of this great French star. Sorry, this being 2016, you'll probably have to watch some crappy commercial as ransom for seeing this video.

SURPRISE!

As repulsed as I am at having someone as loathsome as Donald Trump as president, I am delighted to imagine how upset all those worshipful fans at all his rallies will be as he breaks promise after promise. He never had an intention of jailing Hillary who actually hasn't committed any jail-able offense. Those threats were merely red meat to win over his gullible and vindictive admirers. His racist fans, of which there are many, can't be too thrilled at his appointing Ben Carson as Director of Hud. His anti-Semite fans,which are even more numerous, must be apoplectic to learn that his converted-to-Judaism daughter and her Jewish husband will have offices in the West Wing. And, of course, every one of his deplorables will be horrified to know that instead of making American great again, he is making Russia great again with all kinds of loving commitments (after all they did get him the presidency). And, if he lasts four years, which I doubt, they will also discover that he couldn't care less about abortion; will never reveal his taxes; isn't the least bit bothered by gay marriage; is more than likely an atheist (since he sees himself as god); and will continue his long history of financial failures. So all you hateful, hopeful Trump voters, supporters, admirers, and praisers, sorry—but you've been had!

THE RETURN OF THE RACIST

When racist Pamela Taylor, director of the nonprofit Clay County Development Corp. was supposedly fired after making a despicable comment about First Lady Michelle Obama, one could feel there was some justice in the world. Well so much for that. It seems this nasty little bigot is expected to stampede back to work on December 23, suggesting to me that her employer is in agreement with her racism. This does not speak well for Clay County or West Virginia. As I suggested in a previous post, Taylor's bitchy remark about our gorgeous, elegant, and educated First Lady reeks of jealousy, as did the idiotic comment of fellow-racist former county mayor Beverly Whaling. Speaking of whaling. I have harpooned this photo of Pamela for your amusement.

THREE LITTLE WORDS.

Three words that the media toss around today with totally inaccurate abandon: icon, legend, and classic. Alan Thicke died today. The news calls him a TV "icon". That's odd. I thought he was just another replaceable sitcom actor who had an idiot son. It's always sad when any celebrity dies. After all we've spent time with them, watched their shows, and seen them later in life selling life insurance or reverse mortgages. But being on a semi-successful tv show does not qualify you as an icon. What's a "classic"? According to the Disney studio, any film they produce that's more than two days old is a bonafide lasting classic.  It's a Wonderful Life is a classic. Frozen is not. As far as "legend" goes, any number of vin ordinaire products and transient stars are proclaimed to be legends from cars to soup. And while many cars and yes, even some soups, are classics, most are not deserving of a term that demands quality, longevity, and undiminshed popularity. Sadly the media takes no responsibility in protecting our great language from misuse and now that we have a president elect with a vocabulary of 36 words, it's bound to get worse.

Every time I see Donald Trump, always with his too long neckie, I am reminded of another character, Nutsy Squirrel. Except I never hoped that Nutsy would trip on his tie and fall down a flight of stairs. 

THE MERRY MORONS.

I love these Internet surveys that ask, "Should Hillary Clinton be jailed." Boy, there must be lots of nuts out there who hate their mothers, and have found a sick, pathetic way to get even in their demented little minds. Hillary has done nothing to be jailed for, as so many wasteful multi-million dollar investigations have shown. Now Trump on the other hand, the greatest projector of his time,  has been guilty of many criminal offenses:assaulting women, cheating on his taxes, not paying his debtors,  fixing a presidential election, and countless acts of which we will never learn. Yet this never occurs to his moronic supporters while they screw up their faces with illogical anger at Hillary that Donnie is a much greater criminal. Even more strange is that these devoted morons don't connect the dots of Trump's ravings, and realize that he wouldn't spit on these mostly overweight, low IQ, cheaply dressed, economy car, poorly educated, bible-thumping, lower classes. His fans are no more than toilet paper to Donald Trump as he has proved in stating that he only wants a cabinet staffed with men who have made a fortune. And that does not include that sixty-plus, triple-chinned, beer-bellied, polyester-clad, bloated losers robotically holding up signs that illogically read, "Lock Her Up!"

SHAKE HANDS WITH THE DEVIL.

I wonder what information Trump is using to blackmail Romney. I just don't think it's possible that Mitt makes all those nasty comments (and true) about Trump, then is suddenly in the limelight as a possible Secretary of State, which everyone with half a brain knew wasn't going to happen. Then he is publicly rejected and writes a charming thank you note. The result: Romney looks like an obsequious twerp and Trump garners praise from a former detractor. No. Not possible. Trump is holding something over Mitt's head. Would love to know what it is?

FRAGILE BONDS

In September I got a phone call from my oldest-term friend, a woman in London. She had called just to chat, but the conversation soon turned into, on her part, an attack on Hillary Clinton. Since she didn't know what she was talking about and I was already weary of Hillary's no-nothing attackers, the call ended on a sour note. The situation got sourer when I accidentally sent her an e-mail about the conversation designed for another friend. I have not heard from her since, though I have sent several make peace e-mails. At first I felt bad about this After all we had a history: several visits, lots of e-mails, lots of laughs. But since Trump has won the presidency, thanks in great part to all those who attacked Hillary based on effective Republican propaganda and very few facts, I don't feel a sense of loss. My friend, after all, was one of the millions of people who vilified Hillary Clinton, thus helping to usher an racist, narcissistic, amoral egocentric maniac into office. I wonder if she ever questioned her dangerous and unfounded anger.

GOOD NEWS AND BAD NEWS.

The good news is that this Sunday, December 11, CBS will run colorized versions  of two of the funniest Dick Van Dyke Show episodes. The bad news is that CBS will run them which means the endless commercials to which every greedy network subjects its viewers. Still it's probably worth the annoying commercials for the chance to see the superb Dick Van Dyke Show made even more arresting by the latest color technology. The episodes are "That's My Boy" in which the Petries suspect they bought the wrong baby home from the hospital; and "Coast to Coast Big Mouth" in which Laura inadvertently reveals that Alan Brady wears a toupee. Yes, there are still purists who don't approve of colorization. I am one of them. But I have to admit that once you've seen a black and white episode a hundred times, seeing it in color does add a new dimension, especially now that they've improved the technology.

A LONG-LIVING LEGEND.

A Letter to Three Wives, The Bad and the Beautiful, Lonely Are the Brave, The Big Sky, Last Train from Gun Hill. Detective Story, Young Man With a Horn, 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea. These are just some of the dozens of films in which Kirk Douglas starred since his first film appearance in The Strange Love of Martha Ivers in 1946. But if you watched any of the idiotic national news programs today you might think that he only starred in Spartacus, since they seem to have no knowledge of film history. While Kirk is one of my least favorite film giants, he is immensely important and deserves all kinds of recognition, especially today on his 100th birthday. My personal favorite Kirk Douglas film? Strangers When We Meet.

Has anyone noticed that the country is falling apart?  Lying has become standard among once-honest men. (Trump was never an honest man.) Once red-blooded Americans, even veterans, have voted for a racist draft dodger and grifter. Patriotism is no longer admired. The formerly honest media has become obsessed with profits, enough so to wiggle Trump into the presidency and then act completely innocent. Previously educated citizens have eschewed any kind of education and now only embrace their own narrow and preferred views and, of course, the results of Dancing with the Stars. A man who has spent his life cheating suppliers, avoiding taxes, and dodging the draft, is rewarded with America's top job and hailed as worthy. A woman who has spent her life caring for less fortunate people is vilified and cheated out of her chance to make life better for everyone. Villains are elevated. Heroes are ignored. Everything is dangerously upside down. The question is will anything every right it?

DUH!

If Ben Carson was a brilliant brain surgeon, then he must be an idiot savant. Because in every other aspect of his life he is practically an imbecile. What else can you say about a nitwit who thinks men can go into prison straight and come out gay? What other college-educated person with a modicum of knowledge about Egypt could suggest that the ancients built the pyramids to store grain? The guy is a lunatic, and the guy who chose him to head up HUD is also a lunatic. Trump isn't even president yet, and already he's staffing our government with racists, warmongers, morons, and—most dangerous of all—rabid Islamaphobes.  And while it would be hard to choose the worst of Trump's many close-to-insane appointments, Carson has got to take the prize as the absolutely dumbest.

DORIS.

I was very surprised today, December 5, to learn that Doris Roberts, 90, died on April 17, 2016, in Los Angeles. I am usually very aware of the deaths of celebrities, and Doris was among the most famous. Yet I believed she was still alive. So today I feel a belated grief for this great American actress whose career has spanned six decades, all of which I can remember right back to Naked City. Naturally she was most recently heralded for her hilarious role as Marie Barone on Everyone Loves Raymond. But we will continue to see her in repeats of Barney Miller, Remington Steele, Ben Casey, and many other series as well as movies including The Taking of Pelham 123, and as Bette Midler's mother in The Rose. Doris has won five Emmys, countless other awards for both her TV, movie, and stage appearances; she was a lifelong friend to animals;  and naturally—having such an enormous heart—she was a Democrat. A great actress and unforgettable person was Doris May Green from St. Louis, Missouri.

INDIANA IS A STATE OF CARRIER PIGEONS.

You didn't get a deal. Trump didn't save jobs. The Hoosiers got hosed. And Trump got a sweetheart deal with Carrier, a company with whom he owns stock.

THE FLAMES OF FREEDOM.

Donald Trump wants to criminalize one of America's greatest freedoms: flag burning. What other country in the world has such respect for freedom of speech that they would allow a protest to include setting fire to the nation's ensign as unpopular as that may be? How narrow is Trump's knowledge of democracy he can only see flag burning as a criminal act to be punished by time in prison. This is yet another example of the kind of learned leadership we will not be getting from Trump. I suspect that he doesn't give a damn about the flag issue, but feels that he can inflame his pseudo-patriotic mobs with this latest whine. I also suspect that Trump does not know that when an American flag becomes worn, soiled, or faded, it should be replaced with a new flag. The traditional way to achieve this is by burning the tattered flag in a special ceremony.

SERIAL KILLER!

Hunters like Rebecca Francis are so evil, so amoral, so low on the human scale, that I cannot conceive that they have friends and family. This satanic bitch has dozens of photos of herself, smiling besides the many animals she has killed. Never was vanity been so repulsive and vile. How sickening to see a deranged killer take such joy in murdering a creature that had as much right to life as any human. Ricky Gervais has recently blasted hunters male and female for their cold-hearted hunting of animals, just for sport. But even if Francis was asked to kill an aging giraffe supposedly to feed villagers, as she claims, what kind of inhuman person can not only slaughter an innocent harmless animal, but then lie beside its carcass for a photo op. It has never bothered me to learn that some bullfighter was gored to death by a poor condemned animal. One less cruel killer among us. In the future I shall feel the same sense of relief any time that I hear a game hunter has been clawed by a lion, crushed by an elephant, or speared by some native sick of having these wealthy sadists invade his homeland and murder those who live there. What joy it would be so see a handsome living animal beside the rotting carcass of Rebecca Francis.