No question about it.

The villain featured in a new Barbie animated film (who knew there were such things) looks amazingly like Rafael Cruz. A coincidence? I doubt it. Looking at this animated creature fills me with the same kind of disgust as seeing the real person. 

Insipid.

Like any sane person I find Trump repulsive. But since everyone else is attacking him I'll unleash my vitriol on Rubio. I find this little worm especially repulsive and arrogant. The idea that he fails at his job as a senator but feels he should be president is maddening. Does the media point out the absurdity of his run? Of course not. More and more I believe it is the lazy and ignorant media who are responsible for the angry mess we're in today. But back to bubblehead, that dopey, pious, prissy prick. Speaking of which, he is so deceitful he can't even be honest about the insults he directs at his opponents. Recently Rubio pointed out that Trump has small hands for a man as tall as he is and added, "and you know what they say about men with small hands...you can't trust them." Rubio, a size queen from way back knows very well that isn't what they say. He clearly meant that Trump probably has a small penis leading to his quest for power. That's Rubio, always taking shots below the belt.

Hmm. Interesting pose.

There are always some stories that crop up, supposedly based on fact, that are very hard to believe. One of the most frequent is Adolf Hitler had a micro penis. According to many past accounts and a recent book by Emma Craigie and Jonathan Mayo,  Hitler's Last Day: Minute  by Minute,  Adolf had two forms of genital abnormality. One was an undescended testicle; the other a rare condition called penile hypospadias in which the urethra opens on the underside of the penis or, in some cases, on the perineum. As much as I would like to believe that this evil bastard suffered from the lifelong humiliation of such an disfigurement, I am somewhat skeptical. First of all I find it unlikely that such a condition could remain a secret for long, especially in a society that put so much emphasis on Aryan perfection. It is doubtful that he could have gone through his childhood and youth without some form of public nudity. As as adult if even one person noticed his problem and revealed it to others, the word would have spread like  Nazi propaganda. And surely at least one suspicious Aryan would have wanted to determine that Hitler had not been circumcised considering rumors that he was part Jewish. Once revealed, such a medical condition would have become common knowledge if not just juicy gossip and he could not have maintained the total control he had on the German people, many of whom would surely be snickering through every speech.  On the other hand Hitler was obsessive about not being seen nude, even by physicians. So it's possible. Curse Eva Braun for not keeping a diary!

Touching, adorable, tender—but not news!

There is no more serious national network news. ABC, NBC, and CBS news has become very much like Entertainment Tonight. Last night all three networks featured a segment on Virginia McLaurin's visit to the White House.  Virginia is a sweet old woman of 106, and it's neat that she got to meet the Obamas. But it's not news. Nor is much of anything else that is doled out to viewers in less-than-a-minute segments.  The nightly news on all three major networks is merely a half-hour pseudo-program designed to carry very costly commercials for mostly pharmaceuticals, of which there are far more than necessary to meet the network's financial needs. Not only does this sad situation defeat those interested in what's actually happening in the world, but it is making us a nation of hypochondriacs since we are constantly deluged with promotions for erectile dysfunction, diabetes, arthritis, allergies, smoking cessation, nerve pain, insomnia, irritable bowel syndrome, psoriasis, COPD, age-related macular degeneration, nail fungus, and various other diseases, many invented so that products could be developed to supposedly prevent them and then advertised endlessly on the nightly news.

Note: I never watch the morning programs, which I find are mostly detestable hype, but I can only imagine how many commercials are crammed into those programs.

"Careful, he bites."

What does this demented old lizard do other than spread dissent? (Some people say he looks more like a turtle. I think that's cruel.) I often wonder if he's so negative because he's so damned ugly. Like all albino rats (sorry, I shouldn't confuse a cold-blooded reptile with a warm-blooded mammal)  he has poor eyesight, which is what got him an honorable discharge from Fort Knox after five weeks in service (optic neuritis being one of his many non mental handicaps).  McConnell was hatched in Sheffield, Alabama 74 years ago. It was there that he developed his rabid racism which he denies but proves constantly in his hissing hatred of President Obama.  When he was a teen-ager his family moved to Kentucky, which proved beneficial as McConnell did very well in this backward state which is home to the Creation Museum. His first wife Sherill Redmon escaped in 1993 the same year he wisely married Elaine Chao who had much wealthier parents. Like Ted (Rafael) Cruz and other wimpy Republicans he assumed the name Mitch hoping it might make him seem more masculine and appealing.  It didn't. His real name is Addison, which is derived from adder a small venomous snake of the family Viperidae. The only other Addison I know is Addison Dewitt in All About Eve, who was also a bitter, unctuous, scheming, and thoroughly poisonous character.

The answer is "no, never, and not a chance".

Even if he weren't a mendacious, unctuous, evangelical, toadying, conniving, insincere, and insidious creep, could anyone really bear to look at this face on the evening news for four years?

"Does anybody have a banana?"

So far this has been a great month. The highlight, of course, was the death of Antonin Scalia, our most bigoted Supreme Court justice and sadistic hunter of caged animals. His checking out during a free vacation at a luxury resort that he probably never would have disclosed was more than we could have wished. Drinks all around. Then the joy of his seeing his arrogance Jeb Bush drop out of the presidential race taking his exclamation point with him. That was really satisfying. Especially after so many idiotic comments like, "My brother kept us safe" Even his cotton-topped mommy couldn't help him out of this $150 million mistake. And while Trump's continual wins aren't heartening, one is amused at how well he did in Bible-belt settings while Evangelical-pandering holy rollers like Cruz and Rubio obviously did not have god on their side. Other highlights of the month: Nikki Haley proving she's an idiot by endorsing liar and Senate parasite Marco Rubio. Another February delight was hearing nothing from Sarah Palin after her talking in tongues endorsement of Donald Trump.

Duh.

I can deal with Donald Trump's constant swearing. I can cope with his endless bragging. And I find his attacks on the equally offensive Cruz and Rubio amusing. But I cannot tolerate his annoying misuse of English. I, for one, agree that the Pope should not have said Trump is not a Christian. I don't happen to consider most Christians Christian. But Trump's response contained my most hated grammatical error, a
misuse so annoying that almost everybody uses it and I often get an argument that is is correct, which it is not. Here is Donald's quote: "If and when the Vatican is attacked by ISIS, which as everyone knows is ISIS's ultimate trophy, I can promise you that the Pope would have only wished and prayed that Donald Trump would have been President..."  Not "would have" Donald, but "had"or even "was".

Shame.

Is this country going to continue to let these smug criminals run loose, give speeches, and attend dinners in their honor? There are thousands of long-term prisoners who have not committed crimes anywhere near as serious as these lying warmongers. I don't think America will really deserve the respect of the world until the day these evil mass murderers are hauled off to prison.

GOVERNOR BIMBO

South Carolina Governor, Nikki Haley, the hyprocritcal shrew who unfairly attacked President Obama in her slimy State of the Union rebuttal has proven just what an ignorant bitch she is. First of all she was offended by Trump's comments about George Bush not keeping us safe. She feels it is not appropriate to criticize a president unless she's doing the criticizing. Actually is very appropriate if that ex-president is also a liar and war criminal responsible for the deaths of thousands. Then to prove how truly clueless she is, she endorsed Marco Rubio a pissant of a senator who has accomplished nothing but being charged with plagiarism, lying about his parents' arrival in Miami, and a highly suspicious late night arrest in a Miami park.

It's already begun.

One can assume that the death of Justice Scalia will have some conspiracy theorists assuming it had to be murder. I mean why would a 79 year old man  who ate like a pig and was incredibly overweight die of natural causes?  It doesn't make sense. As soon as Donald Trump heard there was a pillow near Scalia's head,  he had visions of the killer suffocating the jumbo justice. Others quick to imply foul play
the always-suspicious Michael Savage and radio show host Alex Jones (the nut shown above) whose only role in life is to create conspiracy theories.  Jones has suggested that it's possible that somebody put something in Scalia's drink to trigger a heart attack (Bill Cosby?) and that this huge Obama-inspired plot could result in the deaths of other victims like Donald Trump and Clarence Thomas. Hmm. Kind of makes you wish there were some truth in these ridiculous theories.

A likely story.

I don't know who Stephen Harrison is but an article I read by him today seems incredibly unlikely. He claims that when he was a junior at Washington University in St. Louis, he had the opportunity to be a member of a private dinner (for 13) with Justice Antonin Scalia. During that dinner, which took place just before the end of George's reign of terror, he claims he asked Scalia what he thought of the Bushes. Scalia allegedly said he had the greatest respect for the family, but that many of his associates felt that the wrong Bush was elected president, bringing up again the myth that Jeb is the smarter brother. As much as I detest Scalia, I think it's highly unlikely—his being so opinionated—that he would repeat the opinions of others. And I think it's even more unlikely that he would suggest that a ninny like Jeb Bush would have been any more effective as president than his clueless brother. One wonders if Mr. Harrison has a faulty memory or is trying to get a plug in for the struggling Jeb Bush with a flattering quote by a dead man who can't deny he said it. Also he referred to Scalia's comment as a secret. I don't see how it could be a secret if there were 12 other students around the table.

Do religions really give a damn?

Pushing the nonexistent.

As an atheist, I can't consider any of these Republicans fit for office. Not when they proclaim that their allegiance is to Jesus Christ, a mortal who died centuries ago. Or worse to a god no more real than Santa Claus. How could I put my trust in any person who put his trust in an unproven, fanciful, magical creature based on an ancient book in which the authors didn't even know basic science or geography. How could I trust a man to work with world leaders when he can't even reason out that religions were created in the distant past when people were ignorant of almost everything and needed something to keep them in line and make their keepers wealthy. Christians can't even reason out that Christ told them to be kind, generous, and share their wealth and their bread with less fortunate people. So they go to huge, costly churches where the preachers live like kings, or Catholic churches where there is an obscene display of wealth. They can't even understand the tenets of their own religions.  Religion is an outdated product but most people refuse to accept its obsolescence. Most obviously these wacko Republican candidates who are total fools or complete liars when they proclaim their unfounded piety.

GIVE IT A REST.

There's too much unnecessary apologizing in the world today. Or maybe it's just in super-sensitive, politically correct America. The latest forced apology is from Madeleine Albright who, while campaigning for Hillary Clinton said, "There's a special place in hell for women who don't help each other." A perfectly acceptable statement and sentiment. Who is actually offended by this amusing comment? Do the offended parties feel they have been condemned to the fires of hell by Ms. Albright? Or was anybody offended at all, or is this another media trick to fill space and create a nonexistent problem?  Whatever happened to free speech?

Donald Trump, shame on you.

Talk about overreaction! This outrage about Trump calling Cruz a pussy is much ado about nothing. Yes, the word pussy is often used in a vulgar way. It is and has also always been used to mean weak and wimpy as well as to describe a pet cat.  But the news apparently never heard of any other definitions. On NBC they just expressed their disdain for this terrible, horrible word that they said they can't even say on TV. That's odd because every Saturday on PBS Mrs. Slocombe on Are You Being Served makes hilarious double-entendres about her pussy, and that joke has been going on since 1972.  But then England and most of Europe are not as uptight as Americans are with anything sexual. (Why can't we be uptight about scatology, America's favorite subject?).

QUICK RANT.

I'm fascinated by the commercial advertisers that can't pronounce their own names or products and even hire expensive announcers who can't do it either. For instance almost every commercial for toothpaste uses the word dennist or dennal. No t. Lifelock's expensive commercials promise to protect you from idennity theft. No t.  For some reason Enterprise Rental Cars think their name is Ennaprize Rennal Cars. No Ts. And every company that has some kind of connection to the Internet thinks it's called the innanet. These are just a few of the dozens of advertisers who have rotten diction or hire pitchmen or women who do. I know this is a particular passion of mine, but it drives me mad because it's so unnecessary and lazy. Or as these advertisers would say, it's making me frannic.

IDIOT.

This is 2016. We went to the moon ages ago. Almost everyone carries a cell phone with them, a smart cell phone that has access to a world of information and unlimited photos. We can replace hearts, lungs, cure most everything, and we're inventing and devising and imagining new things every day. We now know that Earth is a minuscule planet in a universe so vast we are discovering new areas of it all the time. What's my point? That in this age, this year, this fantastic world, the age of scientific discovery, a person has to be an idiot to say, "I thank my lord and savior Jesus Christ. I thank God for allowing me the opportunity to come this far with each of you" That was the delusional opening to Rubio's speech after the Iowa caucus. How could anyone vote, in 2016, for a magical thinking moron who believes that some imaginary being in some remote and unknown place gave a fuck whether he came in third in some some backward American state where many of the residents are obviously as completely clueless as he is?

SHRINKING NEWS COVERAGE

Years ago, the nightly news at 6:30 on all three networks was news coverage interrupted by a few minutes of commercials. Today it's commercials interrupted by a few minutes of news.  Which is annoying as hell. But what's even more annoying is that news is no longer news. Surely something more happened in the world than the opening or a Star Wars film, a new version of Adele's latest song,
the introduction of a new Oreo flavor, or even Bill Cosby's latest accuser. Now all we get are brief clips that includes partial stories, insignificant data, and quotes from irrelevant celebrities. All with a single purpose: to fill time until the next long string of commercials for cars and pharmaceuticals. And what's saddest of all is no one seems to notice or complain.

AND THE RUNNER UP IS....

His holiness,
MARCO RUBIO!

AND THE WINNER IS....

His creepiness,
RAFAEL CRUZ!

THE TERRIFYING TRIAD.

What could be more depressing? This year the Iowa caucuses will decide who is the winner from among the three leading Republicans: Rafael Cruz, Donald Trump, and Marco Rubio. I can't think of three other more unworthy and repulsive choices. But even more disturbing are the number of Americans who think that any one of these lying, arrogant creeps is worthy of being president. They are like three ogres in a Hans Christian Anderson story who somehow have convinced the citizenry that they are lovable princes. But sadly the residents of Iowa won't suddenly see the warts, the flaming red eyes, and the foot long curling tongue.

THE PERFECT SUBJECT FOR A RAINY DAY.

One of the greatest inventions of all time and one we take for granted is the umbrella. What's most amazing about the umbrella is that it hasn't changed that much in 4,000 years. It was originally invented by the Chinese (wasn't everything?) for protection from the sun, in short a parasol. But eventually those inventive Chinese waterproofed it and used it to keep dry in the rain. In 1852 an Englishman named Samuel Fox was the first to use metal ribs. Still he didn't change it that much, nor did anyone else other than making it portable and collapsible and, in some cases, much, much bigger.  So whether you call it an umbrella, a brolly, or a bumbershoot, give some thought to what a fabulous invention this is in an age where everything else seems to change overnight.

Note: The scene above is from Alfred Hitchock's brilliant 1940 film Foreign Correspondent. And if you haven't seen it, why not?