Watch your step!

One of America's most popular and successful promotions has got to be this Dr. Scholl's machine which they promote as "state-of-the-art in foot mapping technology". It's hard to accept that this flimsy "kiosk" which seems to be made out of cardboard and powered by two AA batteries can diagnose anything. Still one is encouraged to step on it without one's shoes to see where your feet experience the most pressure. If the machine is working (they often aren't) you will be encouraged to purchase one of the displays inserts, which are absurdly overpriced. One friend suggested the goal of the machine is to have you step on the platform without shoes, get athlete's foot and buy a Dr. Scholl's remedy. Now I can't actually prove that this machine is worthless or that the costly inserts are a waste of money, but everything about this kooky kiosk screams scam.

It's three, three, three commercials in one!

I was curious to watch a clip from the ABC News special interviewing Leah Remini on her new book Troublemaker, in which she details why she left the Church of Scientology and how she feels about Tom Cruise. But before I could see this clip I had to watch a commercial for IHOP. Hmmm. Now why do I have to watch a commercial for IHOP when this Leah Remini clip is itself a commercial for ABC News in which Leah Remini is promoting her book Troublemaker, another commercial message?  This is a perfect example of how the American public are sheep when it comes to being forced to watch far more commercials than necessary to make a good profit. The advertisers want to make a killing, and they know consumers are complete suckers.

I have a love/hate relationship with Huffington Post. I love that it's easily accessible, has most of the news  I'm interested in and seems relatively unbiased. I hate that it is so chauvinistic and can't make up it's mind whether it wants to be a news source or a girly magazine. There are far too many stories about how so and such looks hot in her new bikini. I also hate that its so-called editors often write terrible headlines, use incorrect grammar, and employ all the latest jargon such as "hack" instead of "hint". I hate that its editor for LBGT issues is so attached to the offensive word "queer". I hate that they can't seem to stop using superlatives for everything. Their stories are just not that hilarious, incredible, astounding, mind-blowing or unforgettable. I hate that they have far too many depressing animal abuse stories. I hate that so many of their stories don't appear on command or are not in the area they say they are.  I hate that they have too many plugs for Disney properties, (Frozen didn't deserve nearly that much    space). And I really hate the frequency with which they air the opinions and quotes of such insignificant nobodies as Bristol Palin. Hmmm. I guess I don't have a love/hate relationship with Huffington Post. It seems to be more hate. But I still keep reading it.

Too many hoops.

There are lots of interesting and amusing feature on the Internet. Things like the "Ten Worst Movies of Al Time" or "What 31 Bond Girls Look Like Now" or even a tour of some famous person's home. The  trouble is they are commercial traps. In many cases they feature several different arrows, designed to confuse the viewer. Click one and you continue with your tour of the garden and pool area. Click the other and you're immediately involved in some commercial for a car or pharmaceutical. And getting back to the feature is tricky and exhausting. Thus I have given up attempting to visit any of these sites. The good news is I won't have to put up with the endless ads and commercials of the Internet. The bad news is I will never know what Bea Arthur's mansion looked like.

La Bardot.

Tonight on Turner Classic Movies they are showing The Night Heaven Fell, an insignificant 1958 film who's only appeal is Brigitte Bardot. (Today she is a major fighter for animal rights so she must have been disturbed by the many scenes of bullfighting in this boring film.) But that isn't the point of this post. In watching just a few scenes from this unwatchable film I was struck by the fact that Brigitte Bardot was an incredibly beautiful actress who appeared in far too many visually ugly films.

Three stooges.

The inept Jeb Bush, obviously can't take a hint. The fact that his campaign is failing miserably hasn't given him a clue that America does not want him. This  is especially true after he defended his traitorous, mass-murdering brother and made the ridiculous statement that "He kept us safe." Now in the most ill-advised move ever he has reached out for help to the two people who can't possibly lend him any support and will, in fact, make matters worse: his war criminal brother and grinning goon of a father. The idea that he even considers this a wise move shows us just how unequipped he is to be president. The entire Bush clan is in some way tainted and more of a disaster than a dynasty. Just look at this photo. Can you honestly say that anything about it gives you an iota of confidence?

A word to the wise.

It's that irritating time again when so many people for no discernible reason start saying "holloween", usually with the smugness that suggests they think they are pronouncing it correctly while everyone else is wrong. Wrong. The hallow in Halloween is pronounced like shallow, callow, and gallows , not like wallow, hollow, or follow. And while we're at it, let's get an early start on the Christmas season. Santa has a t in it and is pronounced Santa not sanna.

Why bother practice?

As an atheist, I find all religion to be peculiar. But especially weird to me are those players who pray to win a game. This is bizarre on several levels. For one, do they really think that god, who supposedly is responsible for everything in the world, gives a damn about their football game? Do they think he's sitting back with a beer keeping score of some rinky-dink high school competition? or even the Super Bowl. (Is that why we have disasters because he's not paying attention?) Then if you win, how can you take any pride in the victory if you think god made is possible and your athletic skills did not come into play?  And if you lose, don't you wonder why god thought so little of you that he let the other team win, or did they just pray harder? And do fans really pray for their team to win? Well according to a new survey half of American sports fans believe that god is at play in the games they watch, and 19% believe god is involved in determining who wins on the court or in the field.  I wonder of those same religious fans believe that god determines who wins at checkers.

Pop porn.

Women have a wonderful new tool in weeding out inappropriate men: any of the films in the 300 Spartans series. If the man you're seeing is a fan of any one of these films, be wary. Because in order to like these films he fits into one of the following categories.  He's a closeted gay. These films are basically homoerotic porn since they feature flat-chested tough women and hundreds of handsome sweating men with fantastic bodies and glorious pecs. He's a sadist. Who else could enjoy constant battle scenes of unrelenting violence along with the constant whipping of galley slaves (also great male bodies), endless amputations and such bizarre scenes as the butch queen kissing the lips of a bleeding severed head. And finally he's stupid. These films are made for sexually confused teens and immature adults.  The plots are non-existent, the scripts are hilariously corny, the characters are all one-dimensional, and the only purpose these films fulfill is as sado-masochistic, soft core porn.  And guys, if the woman you're seeing loves these films, run for it.

Between a crock and a lard face.

The cadaverous, hollow-eyed, shiny-faced creep Trey Gowdy kept saying that today's Benghazi hearing isn't a prosecution, but an investigation, However, anyone watching could see that it was an inquisition. Each of the Republican inquisitors maintained a tone of accusatory anger as they tried to vilify Hillary Clinton. Jim Jordan was so unprofessionally aggressive and combative one expected him to leap over his lectern and start pummeling Secretary Clinton. Frustrated by all their past attempts, they were especially vindictive today in hopes of finally proving the unprovable and justifying the millions of dollars they have already wasted on this totally transparent witch hunt. Yet all they did was make Americans further aware that many Republicans are vengeful unpatriotic bullies and that Hillary Clinton has the kind of strength, endurance, patience and clarity it takes to be our next president.

A discontented Savoyard.

I love Gilbert and Sullivan. I can't imagine how anyone could be depressed during, or right after, seeing any G and S show. If I had a bucket list, which I don't, going to one of England's G and S festivals would be right at the top. But there is something that bothers me. My favorite operetta of theirs is The Gondoliers, followed by Yeoman of the Guard, The Mikado, and Ruddigore. But all their operettas are  wonderful. Well not all.  Which is why I can't imagine why almost every available production is my least favorite: The Pirates of Penzance.  Pirates is what they did on Broadway, in the movies, by almost every local theatre group. Why?  It's not their best, not their wittiest, not nearly as good as HMS  Pinafore.  It is because there are so many roles, including those annoying British policeman pounding around the stage? Even the songs are annoying. I don't think" pirate" and "pilot" sound anything alike, despite being the theme for a song central to the plot; and "A Policeman's Lot is Not a Happy One" isn't even mildly amusing. Living in Miami, one gets very few chances to see a Gilbert and Sullivan show, and right now there is one being performed locally. I'm sure it's probably very well done.  But it is, of course, The Pirates of Penzance, so I shall give it a miss.

Stop being such suckers!

I have a hard time imagining why more people aren't annoyed at the number of commercials we are constantly subjected to every night. Especially when I feel sure that most of them are unnecessary for the networks to make a profit—they just want to make a killing. Here, for example, is the commercial rundown for ABC World News Wednesday night, October 14.
15 minutes of news to get you hooked
5 commercials
A 1-minute news story
4 more commercials
2 minute news story
10 commercials
Short final news story
4 more commercials before 7 pm.
Total for half hour: 23 commercials. And that's just one half-hour show.

"Baaaaaaa."

It seems that whatever I wanted to check out on HuffPost today was preceded by a video for the new Tom Hanks' film Bridge of Spies. This was annoying enough. What made it worse was that no matter how many times I clicked the X, the video kept going until the end. One pays a high price for Internet service and cable TV to avoid commercials, but on both costly services commercials are more and more frequent and increasingly interruptive. I maintain that greedy providers like Comcast run far more commercials than necessary for them to make an excellent profit because they know that American consumers are sheep about commercials and hardly ever complain.

It's not a scam, but close.

Isn't it nice to know that if you have trouble sleeping you can buy 30 Midnite tablets for $10.79. The main ingredient is Melatonin, which many insomniacs swear by. Buy you know what's even nicer: You can by 250 Melatonin tablets for about $5.00, and get the same effect.

More commercials than actual news.

Very soon ABC World News Tonight will not have any time for the news. Lately it seems there are more commercials than any reports on world events. Not that there ever were many reports on world events on ABC since they are more interested in promoting any upcoming ABC program or the latest Disney film. But they won't even have time for that any more. Now it's practically wall-to-wall commercials. They start out with an ad-free stretch to get you hooked, but soon it goes like this: David Muir says, "When we come back we have breaking news from Turkey." Then there are seven or eight commercials. When they come back, David Muir says, "There was an earthquake in Turkey. Hundreds were killed." and then there are eight more commercials, which end just in time for a quick human interest story, usually related to sports. Excessive commercials have even taken over a show that was surprisingly commercial-light until recently: Jeopardy. There were usually only three or four commercials before they returned for Final Jeopardy. Now there are about nine. I can't speak for this past week because I can't bear to watch the program as long as their arrogant new champion Matt Jackson remains their smug and ungracious winner. Which, sadly, may be a long time.

A complete and happy surprise.

When I heard Jon Stewart was leaving The Daily Show, I was, of course, disappointed. Where else would we get fair and unbalanced news? Worse, he was being replaced by a person nobody ever heard of: Trevor Noah. How good could this 31-year-old South African be? It was too big a change, so I was sure I would never watch the supposedly "new" Daily Show. Wrong! After one viewing I'm hooked. Noah is brilliant, charming, hilarious, endearing and a thousand other great things. He's not an imitation Jon Stewart he's something different and equally welcome. So if you've been reluctant like me to catch his show, get over it. So with Bill Maher, John Oliver and Trevor Noah covering the world situation, you can now avoid the network news with its complete lack of depth and plethora of pharmaceutical and automobile commercials.

Demented.

I suspect that Bill Maher will never have Andrew Sullivan as a guest again. Last night on Real Time the British-born author, editor and blogger gave a new meaning to pain in the ass. Seemingly out of the blue this supposedly intelligent conservative launched a diatribe against Hillary Clinton that was full of vitriol and completely devoid of facts. According to him Clinton never accomplished anything in her life and was about as useless a human being as was humanly possible. To add to his insane and vicious attack he added, "but I don't hate her" while his mouth was still dripping with venom. Sullivan later attacked Maher unjustly for a comment he made about pharmaceuticals, citing how necessary medicines were to his elderly "mum" and for his own HIV needs. Eventually the annoyed Maher had to tell him to shut about his mum and calm down.  Sullivan retreated into petulance and later, during Maher's "New Rules", displayed a kind of manic jollity. Another loose cannon Republican.

Do you even recognize him?

Kevin Corcoran a former child actor has died at 66 or colorectal cancer. This is a sad event for his family. It seems that Kevin was on the early Mickey Mouse Club program and featured in several Disney movies. I find it ludicrous that the Internet news item refers to him as a legend. I shouldn't be surprised since almost everything associated with Disney is called a legend, including their new movies in the first week of release. We are losing so many valuable words because ignorant writers don't appreciate what they actually mean. Clark Gable could be considered a legend. Kevin Corcoran—who was probably a very nice person— is decidedly not.

How many? One in five, in ten?

Disturbing event. I have been a Kindle customer for about two years. During that time I have ordered many books. Some very entertaining. Some dull. Recently when I ordered Augustus: The Life and Times of Rome's Greatest Emperor by Simon T. Bailey, I was stunned by the number of typos,  inaccurate statements, and use of modern slang. Then it occurred to me that Amazon/Kindle was selling me a self-published book. I think this is shocking. One is buying a second-rate product; a book no publisher thought worthy of putting in print is being sold to me by Kindle and being listed along with first-quality publications by renowned authors. I'm not saying the book isn't well-enough written, despite the many errors, but it should have been presented as a vanity publication. Essentially Kindle is making a fortune pawning off on the paying public books that no publisher wanted. I call this fraud.

I just read a post listing Hollywood's Ten Best Dance Numbers. And they left this out? If you haven't seen it, watch. I think it's the best of all the movie dance numbers. Choreographed by Michael Kidd.
It's great. And even better in Cinemascope.

Toss up!

What if you had to vote for "America's Stupidest Woman". Would you really be able to decide?

The Brothers Grim.

I never doubted for a moment that Jeb Bush had inherited all the idiot genes that  run rampant in the Bush family. But he is about to make the biggest blunder of his failed campaign. He is exploring whether to bring in George Witless Bush to give him a boost with the 122 skeptical conservatives with whom his moronic brother is still popular.  Is Jeb really so lacking in brainpower that he actually believes that a mass murderer will help him in the polls? While I'm sure there are still demented loyal fans of George Washout Bush out there, most of the country realizes that he lied us into an unnecessary war, was responsible for the deaths of thousands of young Americans, and multi-thousands of innocent civilians and children, created the groundwork that allowed the rise of Al Qaeda and ISIS, and nearly ruined the American economy.  Is Jeb mentally challenged? Did he not hear the scornful comments when he foolishly suggested that his brother had "kept us safe"?  Does he not realize that Georgie is the largest millstone around his ever-thickening neck?  Yes, Jeb! by all means, ask George Warmonger Bush to help with your campaign. That is sure to make an incredible difference.

"Stuff happens."

It would seem that Jeb! Bush, brilliant politician that he is, has found the ultimate campaign slogan. It's short, to the point, and can be used for almost any situation. So expect to see Jeb answering "Stuff happens" to questions like these:

Do you think your brother was right in starting a fake war?

Does it bother you that thousands of young American died in
Iraq because of your brother's idiocy?

Many feel that ISIS would never have formed if it weren't for
the Iraq War. What do you say?

How do you feel about your daughter's drug addiction?

What did you say to your wife after she was arrested for shoplifting?

Don't you feel that 9-11 could have been avoided if Condi Rice had
reacted to that threatening memo?

If you were president and got us into another war, how would you
explain that to the American public?