At the other end of the car advertising spectrum is this bizarre and irresponsible commercial from Audi. I can't imagine why they are showing a car almost plowing people down until it seems to stop at a playing field where a young mother lets off her daughter. What is the message? Also the girl is exiting from the front seat, but it seems to me she's still young enough to sit in the back. Stupid commercial.

Dont change a thing.

A couple of years ago Suburu did the brilliant commercial of the father talking to a little girl behind the wheel to show that is how parents always feel about their grown children. A great commercial. Now they've done it again with this wonderful spot of a young girl changing a tire and her father proudly expressing his admiration, knowing that, as they say, knowledge is power.. Very smart. Too bad other car commercials aren't this intelligent.

Igaga la rugur cha.

This is the weekend when I become a Martian. I couldn't feel less like I belong to this society than when I see all the excitement about the Super Bowl, an event that seems to me incredibly dull and meaningless. So, knowing that people are willing to spend, in some cases, over a thousand dollars  to sit in freezing temperatures to watch two teams rush at each other in attempts to capture a ball just as they have done a thousands of times before is beyond my understanding. The idea that grown men who play a game should be given millions of dollars and be hailed as heroes and role models leaves me baffled. The fact that these players in tight, shiny, butt-hugging  uniforms are considered the height of masculinity increases my amazement. But I am aware I am in the minority, however not completely alone, otherwise there wouldn't be the Puppy Bowl. And I would like to hear Renee Fleming sing the National Anthem, but I'll watch that on the Internet once the earthlings event is over.

A sign of guilt.

It's very easy to determine if Christie knew anything about the bridge closing. The Governor has such a uncontrollable temper that if he didn't know he would be in a constant state of anger. He would be red-faced furious 24 hours a day for having been put in this scandalous position by his minions. Bridget Kelly's head would have been only one of many to roll. He would appear hurt chagrined, mystified, in short, innocent. The fact that he is relatively calm is, as far as I'm concerned, a confession of guilt. An innocent Christie would be tossing chairs, yelling at everyone in sight, and acting the part of a misled governor.

Justice denied.

Amanda Knox has been going through hell for five years. She was imprisoned. She has been vilified by people who seem to ignore the evidence. Her family have been almost bankrupt. Her youth has been stolen. Do you think she is so stupid that she would murder her roommate because Meredith wouldn't participate in an orgy with a smelly street person, and think none of this would happen? It's insanity. It's a looking glass scenario. Attractive young girls do not go to Italy to study for a bright future then decide to throw their entire lives away on a sexual whim. You know who does that? People with no future, no opportunities, nothing to lose. People like Rudy Guede, a drug dealer and street person. You know the guy that fled to Germany after the murder. The guy that incriminated Amanda knowing that's what the nutty prosecutor in Italy wanted to hear, and knew it would get him a lighter sentence, which it did. Yes, Rudy, the only person whose DNA was in the room where Meredith was murdered, the man whose fingerprints were found on a bloody pillowcase under the victim's body. I don't know what's going on in Italy, but it's weird, it's unjust and scary.

You've got to be kidding!

Someone at MSNBC posted the following tweet this week: “Maybe the right wing will hate it, but everyone else will go awww: the adorable new #Cheerios ad w/ biracial family.” Well it seems that ever so fragile Reince Priebus was offended (probably because it is so true) and he had a hissy fit,stamped his foot and demanded an apology. The obviously wimpy powers that be at MSNBC immediately caved, called the tweet offensive, apologized, and fired the tweeter. How dare he or she tell the truth! What is wrong with MSNBC? The Republicans have a long history of being anti African American. They are proven bigots, eager to disenfranchise the black community and certainly no fans of biracial marriages. This is not a situation that requires any kind of apology. The tweet was not offensive, it was true.

"Thou shalt not bear false witness."

His Holiness Rand Paul who is suddenly the moral voice for America has been busy dredging up old scandals in order to vilify the Democrats and minimize the Republican war on women. To achieve this he has gone back 15 years to tell us how outraged he still is  that President Clinton took advantage of 20-year-old intern Monica Lewinsky. First of all she wasn't twenty, she was 25. And secondly she was a designing woman who knew exactly what, and who, she was doing. But even if Randal hadn't lied about her age, is Paul the Pure saying that a woman of 20 isn't mature enough to know her own mind? If so, it's another example of Republicans having zero respect for the intelligence of women. Later he extended his moral outrage by saying that Clinton was a serial philanderer. If so, it's none of his f****** business. Plus it's frightening to realize that an elected official feels that he should dictate morality based on his personal religion.  What this country does not need is another Jerry Falwell. What this country does not need are Taliban-type dictates from  Rand Paul and all the other genophobics and misogynists in the Republican party.

Genophobia is the physical or psychological fear of sexual relations or sexual intercourse. The word comes from the Greek terms genos, meaning “offspring,” and phobos, meaning “fear.” Genophobia can also be called coitophobia.

A word to the wise about winter.

If you read my blog regularly (does anybody?) you will know how fussy I am about pronunciation. Not necessarily from the average person (though any enunciation is nice) but certainly from the myriad announcers, reporters, weather persons and anyone in the broadcast media.  I mean they're paid well, and words are their business. I don't see why we can't expect them to speak clearly and pronounce words they way they should be pronounced. So now that we are at the end of January and the Sochi Olympics are about to begin, I really wish I didn't hear so many broadcast personalities speaking of the "winnah"games.  The weatherman talks about "winnah" storms.  News reporters tell us, "It's been a rough winnah." Is it really so difficult to say winter? Trust me, it actually sounds better than winnah, and you won't confuse it with the winnah winnahs at the winnah Olympics. One more thing, Diane Sawyer, the word is "wintry" not the three-syllable "win-ter-y" you seem to prefer.

"Slowly I turn."

There have been several asshole moves by Republicans this week. I am guessing mostly inspired by realizing how superior a human being Barack Obama is after witnessing his State of the Union address. The maniac shown here is Rep. Michael Grimm (R-New York). When a reporter commented that Grimm did not wish to comment about recent allegations against him, this loose cannon thug, with fire in his eyes, and completely out of control threatened to throw the reporter "over the f****** balcony".
One has only to witness this assault to believe that if the reporter hadn't kept his cool, Grimm would be in prison today for murder. That's the kind of Republican we have in Congress.

How can any true American who thinks of himself or herself as a Republican look at what the GOP are doing, listen to what they are saying, witness the childish malice, the infantile whining, the moralistic judging, the near traitorous behavior and still think of themselves as belonging to that raving, ragged ridiculous party?

"Ah guess I showed him."

"All right. It's true. I walked out on Obama's speech last night. Well, really I stomped out. I was so mad, I was spitting bullets. Literally. I proved I wasn't going to sit still for that  that uppity Constitution stomper. Ussen Texans don't take kindly when someone is making us piss angry. Sitting there, all polite-like, well that's for sissies and girly men. I say if you don't like something, you just stomp your feet and get up and storm out. That way the whole world can see what kind of man you are. That's the Lone Star way to do it. And despite what people said, my leaving had nothing, I repeat nothing, to do with going in my Depends."
Steve Stockman (R-Texas)

Recently there was a one-minute play festival at the Deering Estate in Miami. This collection of super short plays, all strung together, were all written by supposedly talented playwrights, which they may have been. But in the first few seconds of the first play the female actress voiced the line, "Are you fucking kidding me?" I'm not a prude. But is this really what passes as writing these days?  And, even if it were necessary, is this the best way to start a festival that supposedly champions good writing? The festival, which had been much touted was, to my mind, boring, predictable and often amateurish. How did Eugene O'Neill, Clifford Odets, Tennessee Williams, and all the other great playwrights of the past manage to create so many works of art without having at their disposal fucks and shits and every other unnecessary word that soils creativity.

Sligthly better than Bobby J.

Needless to say the President's State of the Union speech was, once again, clear, controlled and brilliant. And once again the Republican response was deceitful, hypocritical, full of the word "god", and directed at the wealthy white among us. This time the GOP dragged out a "gal" in the hopes that it might soften their "war on women" image. Their patsy was Cathy McMorris Rodgers, a mendacious,  clueless  elitist  from Washington State. As usual she took cheap shots at our president and pushed the GOP fantasy that everybody has equal opportunities in life. Like her sister-in-deceit Sarah Palin, Cathy gave birth to a Down Syndrome baby who, like Sarah's,  probably isn't getting enough of her attention since Cathy's too busy inflating her own ego. In a way she was pathetic since it's obvious she has no idea what real Americans need or feel or are going through. What I found most surprising about this silly woman is that she is a college graduate who used the incredibly ungrammatical expression, "If you would have told me." The men in the Republican party, like the ever-
inebriated John Boehner are annoying as hell, but I think right wing women, who are so willing to work against other women, are even worse.

O, God.Not another one!

It seems that Bristol Palin, the trailer trash chippy from Alaska, is following in her mother's always inaccurate but nonetheless judgemental footsteps. Last week on her blog she falsely accused Wendy Davis of having abandoned her child and husband after her divorce. Ms Davis become the favorite new target of all depraved Republicans after she held a much-praised 11-hour filibuster to block Texas Senate Bill 5 that would create new abortion regulations. I guess Bristol isn't used to see an intelligent woman who takes up a cause and sticks to it. It is absolutely astonishing that this Alaskan heifer has even one hoof on the national stage and, like her idiotic mother, is allowed to express her vindictive accusations.

глупый

I don't pretend to know what's good or not in the world of fashion, but I know what I find funny. For instance I find the pretentious Ralph Lauren commercials on PBS before Downton Abbey hilarious. Beautiful women wearing clothing you never see in the real world and this officious boob making a stuffy elitist speech suggesting that what he does is important. He's deadly serious which makes it all the more comical. Now I see the new uniforms for the Olympics opening ceremony in Socho. Okay, I'm not into sports, but really are these the image of American pride? Do these say Team USA or just possibly Peruvian Indian chic? Did they really need to hire a costly, world-famous couturier to create this patchwork quilt? The Olympiads have been warned not to wear these uniforms outside of the Village. Is the real danger that they'll receive too much ridicule.

Do me a favor. Don't defend us.

This week SNL gave us a perfect example of an anti-gay attack which was supposedly pro-gay. It was one of their, as usual, high school level skits. This one was for men's heterosexual figure skating competition. In it they showed an overweight, oafish skater doing an unfunny bumbling routine. The message, I suppose, is that gay figure skaters are slender, handsome, beautifully costumed and faultlessly expert. What a stereotype! Straight skaters are also slender, handsome, beautifully costumed and faultlessly expert. And guess what? There are millions of gays who are overweight, clumsy, unattractive and clueless about fashion. So this SNL skit was incredibly harmful since it reinforces gay stereotypes: homosexuals are stylish, elegant and superior. All too often supposedly pro-gay persons are their most dangerous defenders since they, in essence, tell homophobics that gay men and women not only have different sexual tastes, but they are a breed apart, a completely different creature.

Let the games begin.

As I have said a million times I have no interest in sports. Not any sports, any where, at any time. However, I must admit I am temporarily fascinated by the Olympics. Not the games themselves: I hate anything designed to say "I'm better than you." And not the committee which I'm sure is incredibly corrupt and wildly political. But the venues. Ah, yes the venues. I saw a documentary on Rio last night. What a nightmare of city. Zillions of people, mostly poor. Favelas filled with desperate souls and vicious criminals. People constantly disappearing forever, often with the help of the police Victims of myriad criminals dying constantly, some by being placed in a tower of tires which is then doused with gasoline and set ablaze. This is the city where they plan to hold The World Cup, whatever that is, and the Olympics!  Are they mad? Other Olympic choices: Tokyo, a city less than 200 miles from the nuclear pollution of Fukushima, a world-threatening terror that nobody completely understands. Yes, that's a great choice for the 2020 Summer Games. Who knows how far the pollution willl have spread by then.  The spectators can cheer while god knows what invisibly enters their bodies for the trip home. Then of course coming right up is Sochi for the winter Olympics, a setting so safe they have put on 40,000 guards to make sure the world's visitors— especially the gay ones—are not blown to pieces or shot down in the snowy streets. What kind of devil's deals went on so that these braggadocio games could take place in three of the world's most inappropriate locations?

Xfinity is running a commercial right now that I consider despicable. Unfortunately I cannot locate it on  YouTube so that I can include it here. Basically it shows two men on horseback riding along a deep, deep ravine in a beautiful Western setting. After they exchange the usual blather about the benefits of Xfinity, the man with the dish around his neck is sitting on the horse with the Xfinity promoter, who asks him, "Where's your horse?" The other man answers, "Who cares?" The only possible conclusion is that the horse has fallen into the ravine. Is this funny? What is wrong with these advertisers who think the death of an animal, even fictional, is an amusing way to promote their product?

The best line of the year.

Forgetting everything else about this greedy, grasping couple of grifters, this image of Bob and Maureen McDonnnell did provide what I consider the funniest line of the year. It was stated on one my favorite blogs, the always-trenchant, My Cats Are Democrats.  The line which is the perfect caption for this photo is,  "Bob, does this bedspread make me look fat?"

Bitten.

Am I naive to think that a retail chain that deals only in pet supplies should sell pet supplies for less than   your local supermarket? Because Petsmart doesn't. In all their commercials (none of which I could download from YouTube) they proclaim how much they love animals. But apparently not enough to have lower prices on all the food and supplies animals need. Now I can't swear that this is true on everything they carry, but everything I ever need is always significantly more than it costs at my local Publix, which is not a low-priced store. When I inquire why this is at my local Petsmart store, the help always looks helpless to explain. You know what I mean: that kind of sad puppy dog look.

I don't buy it.

"During an appearance on NBC's "Tonight Show," the Ohio Republican told host Jay Leno that he does not use any sort of artificial tanning product."

Boehner went on to explain that his tan is the result of being out in the sun, mowing grass, biking and, of course, playing golf. Golf, yes. Biking and mowing grass, no way. Besides one doesn't orange from being out in the sun, one tans. I would guess that Boehner's skin color is the result of far too much smoking, excessive drinking, and his favorite bronzer. This alcoholic loser lies about everything else, why would we expect the truth about his "tan"? 

The massive misogynist.

I don't see how the Republicans can ever regain the respect of woman with so many idiots like Mike Huckabee running around loose.  In a pathetic attempt to distract from the GOP's actual war on women, this tubby ex-governor is trying to invent the fantasy that  Democrats don't trust women to control their libidos. Otherwise why would we want them to have access to contraception, sex education and abortion?  Of course like all Republicans, Huckabee feels the need to create a lie to reinforce his stupidity. In this case he insists that women are "outraged" when Democrats portray them as "victims of their gender", as weak creatures who cannot manage their bodies without the help of,  as chubbo puts it, "Uncle Sugar". Like so many Christian preachers Huckabee is horrified at the idea that a woman may being having regular sex and enjoying it. It must be difficult to have such a tiny, narrow, unchangeable brain occupying such a fat head.

You should know better.

Are people in the media less educated or am I getting more critical? There was an excellent documentary on J. D. Salinger the other night. Everything about it was impressive. Which is why I was amazed when one of the screen legends read: "Salinger kept writing everyday." How could creators of a series about a man who scrutinized every word not know that the correct usage is "every day." The next night I saw a program on Mel Gibson, who is far nuttier than even I knew. The narrator of the program incorrectly told us that Gibson "flaunted" every rule of Hollywood behavior. How can he not know it's"flouted"? The same narrator continually referred to Gibson as "anti-Semetic" despite the fact that everyone else quoted on the program correctly said, "anti-Semitic". I expect the nightly news to make lots of grammatical errors, which they do. But on programs that take time and require lots of supposedly educated contributors, you would think these kind of mistakes could be avoided.

Climb that logo!

One of the saddest things about television today is how little respect creators have for their own work. Obviously on commercial stations they have to accede to the placement of ads in order to get their shows on their air. But why do they agree to have so many visual distractions during their shows? While you're watching a drama or comedy there will be any number of commercials taking place on the screen at the same time: animations, streamers, logos, messages, mostly promos for other shows.  This says to me, "What you're watching is not important. Don't give it your full attention." I find this very strange. I tried watching a new series called Klondike the other night. It was very well done and had some beautiful scenery, a show I would probably watch regularly. However, during the entire presentation there was a legend that took up almost a quarter of the screen promoting the next episode of this new series. I couldn't continue watching. Aren't the creators of Klondike proud of their work? If so, why would they allow so much of it to be obscured by an annoying and interrupting visual? And why are we Americans so sheepish?  We allow advertisers to do whatever they want with us and never complain, even though we spend a lot of money to watched television.  Or maybe I'm the rare person that likes to watch a program in which the action takes up the entire screen: no ads, no logos, no anything else.

Note: The scene above would an exciting moment from the new series Klondike, except instead of climbing that icy cold, blindingly white, deep-snow mountain, these intrepid prospectors would be climbing a collection of large warm, golden words encouraging you to watch another episode of the series because apparently the creators are not all that proud of this one.

I get it already.

This is one of those wonderfully done, beautifully conceived commercials that really impresses you. Once, then twice, and maybe even ten times.. But then you never want to see it again. I will go mad if I hear that strain of "this magic moment" one more time.

Rustico goes bustico.

I don't cook. Actually it's a talent I wish I had. But I don't. All I can make is scrambled eggs. So I depend on processed food. The other day I saw this entree in the market. Sounds great doesn't it? Manicotti alla vodka. And the description made it even more irresistible, "manicotti stuffed with four cheeses in a creamy tomato vodka sauce, topped with mozzarella cheese." I've never bought a Bertolli product before. They are somewhat more costly than most packaged Italian meals, but look at it. Firm appetizing manicotti as artful as that of any Italian restaurant. The only problem is once you cook it, it's really just a bright pink shapeless mush which tastes good enough, but hardly lives up to the gourmet treat promised by such an appealing package.

This is a cute commercial with two aspects that confuse me.  If the blond boy is so concerned about having been dumped why does the director have him watching the tv so avidly? And if the clown is so pleased about having his refund go up, why doesn't he look it?

Yeah, sure, practically twins.

Today HuffPost has a feature titled These Celebrity Look-alikes Will Blow Your Mind. This is followed by a parade of 61 side-by-side photos of famous people who bear an uncanny resemblance to each other. Except they don't. True they may have the same hairstyle or glasses, but for the most part there is no resemblance whatsoever. Yet someone took the trouble to create this false feature and add it to a leading website. Why?  Is this what entertainment has come to: create filler no matter how accurate it is? Do your really think Jake Gyllenhaal and Jared Leto look alike? Of course they don't. And they look more alike than most of the other 60 side-by-side photos on this absurd HuffPost feature. That's what blows my mind.

Look familiar?

For some reason Hollywood keeps making the same movie and giving it a different name. They endow it with their biggest budgets, best stars, worst writers, most "fucks" and most lavish special effects. It usually takes place in the near future on a barren earth or on a planet not far away (more often than not L.A. in the not-too-distant future).  The inhabitants are either dirt poor  or obscenely wealthy. The poor people are always noble, except for the one criminal and every amoral member of his gang.  With few exceptions this film is always remote, cold, and boring. And with very few exceptions, I always give it a shot and shovel out too much money to Comcast only to end up watching about twenty minutes. The latest of these non-movies is Elysium (they usually have one-word titles). The star is Matt Damon looking incredible buff and putting far more star power into this film than it deserves. The other star is Jody Foster, looking older but still impressive in her thankless role as, well, I don't know what. But don't bother see it. You've seen it before with a different title, maybe starring Tom Cruise.

You've got to be kidding!

I give up. The world has gone mad. Nothing makes sense any more. I just watched the SAG Awards for five minutes while switching channels. Five minutes. They had just nominated the outsanding performance by a male actor in a comedy. The nominees were all brilliant comic actors. Well, at least four were: Alec Baldwin, Jason Bateman, Don Cheadle, and the amazing Jim Parsons. Thrown in for some unknown reason was a fifth nominee: Ty Burrell, a vin ordinaraire, eminently replaceable, uncharismatic character actor who for some inexplicable reason landed a leading role on Modern Family. Of the four talents, I couldn't decide which won should win. But who did win? You guessed it. Ty Burrell. Insanity!

Note: Who came up with this ridiculous looking award? It looks like raw clay. It's much to complicated. Why is it male?  And why is the head so strangely phallic?

"What did you say?"

I'll never understand why people love loud music. Why spend a fortune at a fancy restaurant to have dinner with friends when the music is so loud, you can't hear your friends?  And it may not even be your  favorite music. Why spend another fortune for concert tickets to hear one of your favorite artists where the volume is so loud, you're not even really hearing the voices of the performers you supposedly admire? Tonight I went over to my local Publix in Miami. Blocks before I arrived I hear loud pulsating music (I call it music; I think of it as noise) coming from many blocks away. I assumed it was some restaurant event on the area's fashionable Brickell Avenue or nearby street. As I got closer, it got even louder, super loud, and I was still blocks away. It occurred to me that the persons attending this event whatever it was, were in great danger of damaging their hearing and even becoming deaf. That gave me great pleasure.

Note: I include this pissy motto because a lot of young people actually believe it. And while they feel smugly superior to anyone who doesn't play rock albums at super-high volume, they may already be hearing impaired. No wonder they now play their music louder and louder and louder.

It's not just the show The Bachelor that's idiotic, it's also the contestants.  Take this bimbo, for instance. He's the 18th man to score the sought-after shallow role of The Bachelor. One would like to think he has more going for him than just good looks, but apparently not.  When asked whether or not he thought the hit ABC reality show featuring a gay or bisexual bachelor would be a "good idea," Juan Pablo Galavis told Sean Daly that he didn't think it was a good example for kids, and went on to  say how gays were more perverted than others and that a gay bachelor show would be very confusing to kids. Does he really think children should be watching shows like this? He did assure Sean that he had a gay friend, suggesting of course that he can't possibly be homophobic. He probably isn't. He's just an empty-headed, pretty face with an invisible sash across his brain. 

Leave puppies alone, please.

I see that Russia's Vladimir Putin showed the world just how ignorant and unworldly he is by suggesting that gay is synonymous with pederast. Amazing to know that the leader of a major country is such an unsophisticated nitwit that he would make this comment, "We don't ban anything and we won't arrest anyone," he said. "Therefore you can feel calm, relaxed. But leave children alone please." I'm not surprised to see that Russia is so anti-gay when they have a leader who is so bone-headed stupid on the subject. Naturally gay rights activists around the world have called for a boycott of the Sochi Winter Olympics in protest against a law banning the dissemination of so-called "gay propaganda" to minors. This won't happen, of course, but at least all visitors to Sochi, gay and straight, can have a good laugh about Putin's abysmal ignorance. 

Coincidences

I'm glad I'm not paranoid. If I were I would suspect that I've been plagiarized by Disney Studios. Why? Because 25 years ago I sent them my concept for a musical called, at the time, The Clouds of Adverstein. (I had a connection at the time because I was creative director for CBS TV Guide advertising.) It was rejected. A large part of the plot and the title of one song was based on a mythical kingdom called Faraway. Oddly enough a mythical kingdom called Farway appeared in all their later films for Shrek. Oh, well. Another song in my musical, now called Euphoria, was "Let it Go" which I understand is the title of the hit song from Disney's newest film Frozen. I'm glad I'm not paranoid.

Tasteless.

Here is an advertisement beyond all good taste. I'm surprised that Good Housekeeping and Dr. Oz participated in such a vulgar and lowbrow teaser campaign. And I can't believe that Ellen DeGeneres had any knowledge of how she would be presented in this pathetic campaign. As you can see, this ad gives the appearance of a scandal involving one of America's most beloved personalities. It doesn't even the slight hint of humorous put-on, which is what makes it so offense. One's first reaction is disbelief and a kind of horror that any such scandal could involve Ellen, much less anything involving deception. Click the arrow and you quickly learn that Ellen's secret is a beauty secret as to how she maintains her flawless and glowing complexion. It's kind of hard to tell who's pushing this tacky ad: Good Housekeeping? Dr. Oz. The makers of this supposed "miracle" formula.  I totally expect to read at some later date that Ellen was not completely aware of how she was being used in this repulsive campaign.

NEXT WEEK CHRIS CHRISTIE IS EXPECTED IN FLORIDA TO CAMPAIGN FOR RICK SCOTT. 

Duh.

Sarah Palin, always combative, was gloating recently about the cancellation of Katie Couric's show. The quitter, who only sees everything as it relates to her feels this is payback for Couric's past sin of showing the world what an ignorant fool Sarah is. To further reinforce the fact that Sarah is very unfamiliar with the meaning of words. when Mario Lopez from Extra asked her if she believes in karma, she replied, "I certainly believe that what goes around comes around."

Does Romney know about this?

Poor Staples. It seems they've put a ton of money and all kinds of costly talented into their new campaign, "What the L". Only thing is that it's kind of stupid idea, especially since the L, other than being a letter in their name has no actual meaning. (Actually what is that lop-eared L supposed to be?) So I guess they're hoping that like "Where's the Beef?" people will start saying "What the L?" which is very unlikely.Now that they've come up with this dopey idea, they have to make it work. How do they plan on doing that? "What the L's on sale today?" "Where the L is the best price on computers? " Nah, it's already boring and it hasn't even started yet. I can't even download one of the new commercials from YouTube. Why the L not?

What?

I totally do no understand commercials like this. Here we have two attractive girls on the phone. Each realizes she is talking to her twin sister. An amusing situation and one which any talented copywriter could certainly come up with a clever line. But instead, they have this nasty pissy comment, "For once in your life you sound very pleasant." What the hell is that supposed to mean? And why would Discover want to end a somewhat charming commercial on such a sour note? Also why would Julie ask Lisa if she  sounded pleasant if her twin can be expected to give a negative comment like that?

Memories of being dead.

I admit it. I love Investigation Discovery television, almost to the point of addiction. True crime has always fascinated me. I am astonished at how people will throw away their entire lives to get rid of a spouse, to cash in on an insurance policy, or just because they want to kill someone out of spite or revenge. The motives and circumstances are endlessly fascinating. And the idea that they think they will get away with it in this day of forensic crime-solving is beyond stupid, even among the most sophisticated criminals. But there is an ID trend today that I find idiotic and annoying as hell. That is the show in which the murder victim is the narrator. In these episodes, mostly on Stolen Voices, Buried Secrets, the victim tells us the details of their death, the progress of the crime, the various suspects. Their narration is always in a mellifluous voice no matter how common or rural they were. And while relating the circumstances, they are always full of of profound philosophies and religious convictions. It's really laughable and nauseating and an unfortunate approach to what could be an interesting crime if done in a more realistic manner. Tonight a new series titled Redrum premieres. Apparently in this series, the crime is reviewed backwards. I'm predicting it's more annoying that clever.

Apparently a lot of companies believe that if you show selfish, crude, pain-in-the-ass people in your commercials, it will help sell product. I wonder if that's true. Kayak is certainly one of the leaders in tasteless and often illogical commercials. This one is particularly odious. Is it supposed to be funny?

Worst commercial of 2013.

I've posted about this commercial before. But it so irritates me every time I see it, I had to cite it again and give it my vote as worst commercial of 2013. Only sadistic assholes would create a commercial like this in which one is supposed to be amused by a cat being damaged by a vacuum. Whoever the ad agency is for Ally, they are both cruel and incompetent. This is the worst of their series of really bad and tasteless commercials.

Guerilla medium

More and more I find I cannot comment on various Internet sites without giving my Facebook address. Since when did Facebook get such a control over our rights to communicate? While I do have a Facebook address, I find the site shallow, trivial and time-wasting, and don't see why I should be forced to make it part of my existence. I personally think that Facebook is getting too much control over our lives and our privacy. I only hope more and more people see the danger of this so-called social medium, which is becoming far too intrusive and demanding.

Coming distractions.

"A filmgoer irked that other audience members were texting at a Mark Wahlberg war movie opened fire in a Florida theater Monday, killing a man and wounding a woman, authorities said."

This is why I don't go to the movies anymore. Not because I think someone will shoot me while I'm texting. (I wouldn't think of texting in a movie.) And not because I fear I would shoot someone who was texting. (I don't own a gun.)  But because people are so incredibly rude one can't enjoy any movie any more without seeing lights popping up all over the theater as audience members check their e-mail or answer a call. I'm not surprised someone became so unhinged by this kind of audacity that they started firing. It's very sad that modern society often pushes delicate and, yes, violent people over the edge. The shooter's life is over because he wanted to see a movie and someone else desperately wanted to send someone a message. If I sound like I feel sorry for the shooter, I do. I can so understand that kind of fury. And unless theater-owners find a way to deal with this, more people will be injured or dead or do what I do, which is stop going.

Hissssssssss!

I think Febreze is full of shit. As far as I can see it is just another air freshener that masks odors. To suggest that it makes them disappear is ridiculous. But since we have no truth in advertsing laws I expect they will keep pushing this theme. One Febreze commercial I cannot find on YouTube that really annoys me is where a woman says she hasn't cleaned the litter box in two weeks. That is comparable to you using the toilet for two weeks without being able to flush. More than disgusting, its cruel and inhuman. So if Febreze is trying to show this woman as a rather comical and daffy housewife, forget it. She is an abuser of animals and should be arrested. I suspect that the agency for Fabreze are so stupid they haven't even recognized this really idiotic concept.

I detest this commercial, as I detest any commercial that thinks the killing of innocent animals is amusing. It's not. Making this spot even worse is it is for adopting children, so the first thing you show is a child's beloved pet being killed by a vacuum cleaner. What idiot dreamed up this idea?  And what other idiots agreed to make it into a commercial? In addition, I find this spot rather racist. Instead of showing the young boy being upset or crying, which is what would happen, they chose to have both boys do the Willie Best gaping mouth black-man cliche of the 40s. This whole spot is repulsive.

Italians say ciao to justice.

I'll never get over this Amanda Knox nonsense. Forget that there's no DNA, no evidence, no reason to believe she killed her roommate, Meredith Kercher.  Then forget that this prosecutor is a nut who has accused others of murder without a shred of evidence and, in one case, without the person even being in the country. Now let's talk motive. The theory is that Amanda and her handsome boyfriend, Raffaele Sollecito, who could join any orgy in Perugia, were so eager to have a sex-out with this homeless, and probably dirty African-American street person, Rudy Guede,  that when Meredith refused to join in they killed her out of a fit of pique. Boy there's an iron-clad case. Here's my theory. Street person Rudy knew other people in the house. He was liked and used to using their apartment for his convenience.  They were not home and he really had to go. It was vacation time and Meredith, another tenant, was the only person home. Can I use you toilet, please, please. Being a kind girl she says yes. When he was finished, he didn't flush (there was unflushed feces in the toilet). Why? Because he didn't want her to know he was finished; that way he could sneak up on her and kill her. Which is why his was the only DNA at the murder scene, and why he immediately tried to escape to Germany. The stupid Italians ignored all this damning evidence and gave Guede a very-light-for-murder sentence of 16 years and devoted all their energies to pursuing the innocent Amanda and Raffaele. Mama Mia!

Note: Since 2009, I have noticed an odd kind of worldwide mental abberation via those posting on the interenet.  An angry, bitter, assuredness—mostly among woman—that Amanda Knox is guilty and a cold-hearted killer despite all evidence to the contrary. I think this fury speaks more about the neurosis of these people than about Ms. Knox or this case.

Yeah, that's gonna happen.

The recent ads for the Publishers' Clearing House indicate that if you win their drawing, you will receive a million dollars a year for life, and when you die you can name someone else to receive that million dollars a year for life. So let's say you're a winner at 20 and you live to 80, and you name your grandchild who is 5 when you check out and she lives to 75. Are they really willing to dish out as much as $130,000,000 on just one of their drawings? That seems impossible. And it's just one drawing. And it's from a company that pushes magazines, a product that may not even be around in ten years much less 130. So the whole promotion has got to be a scam. Right.

Talk about weak coffee!

For years I have been buying what I consider the only acceptable instant coffee: Folgers Classic Instant Decaf. Recently they changed the jar design and raised the price of course. The new design doesn't seem to be as airtight, which means that well before you finish the coffee, it has hardened and crusted and has to be dug out of the jar. Today I bought another jar. When I got home I noticed that it was incredibly light. I actually had to open it to make sure it was filled with coffee. It was. So the technicians at Folgers must have found a way to sell what appears to be a full jar of coffee while giving the customer far less. I almost felt I should put a weight on the jar to keep it from floating away. It's very sad to me that products which you have admired and purchased for years now seem to be devoted to finding new ways to cheat you. So, when I finish this jar (which shouldn't take long) I will not be buying any more Folgers product since it is no longer, "the best part of waking up."

Not workING.

A friend pointed out to me that this commercial is much like the Silk spot. And he's right. It's not logical. Once the husband says, "Those are your jeans." the wife would immediately examine them rather than be proven so wrong after her speech. But, instead, she merely sighs and walks away. In this commercial you can see the sponsor's insecure hand in the unnecessary ING bench across the street.

That's a sample!?

I thought this commercial was very good until the stubborn tester poured the milk. Then you saw the hand of the client. If you're going to test a beverage, you don't pour out a nearly full glass. You pour out enough to sample.  All right. I'm being picky. But that's what I think. The actors are all good. The premise is good. The full glass ruins it.

Lesson teachers.

This has not been a great week for our heaviest Republicans. Science denier,  Rush Hudson Limbaugh III tried to suggest that Democrats invented the term "Polar Vortex" this very week in order to gain more points in the acceptance of Global Warming. Rush went on and on in that loud, pouty, tantrumy way he has of ridiculing the words and how he has not been taken in by such an absurdly invented phrase. We don't know what his reaction was later when Al Roker, in discussing the phenomenon, projected a page from a 1950 book on meteorology that included the scientifically accepted term, "Polar Vortex". I wouldn't however expect to see Rush admit he made a fool of himself. Nor can one expect a mea culpa from the equally changrined Chris Christie, who has proven he is not very good a playing bridge.  Because a man is large, doesn't mean he'll be big about admitting their mistakes.

I wouldn't say our leading blogs are getting less and less able to write comprehensive copy, but this was one of the headlines in todays HuffPost. Huh?

How This Gay German Soccer Player To Make Coming Out Easier

I'll remember. Give me a minute.

After none, but none, of the contestants on Jeopardy knew her name, this uberdumb Clairolian went on TV to insist that she was a somebody. What she said was, "Don't be fooled. I am huge."  Who is she? Oh, just another bimbo, you know, on that network that delivers the fake news. I think she was the one who sat on the sofa with those two silly gossipy guys, tearing everyone apart and telling giggle-lies.. I think she must have gotten her own show. But so did Sarah Palin, if you know I mean. And it isn't like people who count ever watch those programs.  It's sort of the national nitwick's network. Anyway, she's trying to laugh it off that people in the real world didn't know who she is. What is her name?  I don't really know, Shelly something. 

Isn't it nice that brainwashing doesn't affect your looks?

Utah will not recognize same-sex marriages that have already been performed. No kidding? The Mormon State of Utah boasts America's most hypocritical and narrow minded population. For starters their church is a joke, created by some con man and perpetrated by a bunch of men eager to get in on with as many wives as possible not to mention young girls, young boys, and even younger children of both sexes. Yet they recoil in disgust at the very idea of two adults of the same sex having a loving relationship. If you think I am being unkind and unfair, do a little research. You will be astonished by how many crimes the church leadership has gotten away with, the number of children that had to be protected from powerful religious leaders either in the LDS church or operating illegally in one of its many freaky offshoots.  And the list of serial killers who were once members will amaze you, Ted Bundy just being one of the many. But I don't expect the church to keep up its hate campaign. Not at all. They are survivalists. They will accept gays just as they accepted blacks which was really hard for people this full of sanctimonious hate. And ten years from how you see that many of its male missionary couples are actually gay lovers, completely brainwashed, and eager to bring the word of the Mormon god to the jungles of Africa or the gay bars of South America.

One Man's Family

I notice that many of the film reviews for August:Osage County— like Kenneth Turin's are faulting it for being a stage piece and not making the most successful transition to the screen. I'm sure that its legion of fans will flock to it anyway. I am not one of them. I first saw August:Osage County in New York. At $125.00 it was the most I ever paid for a seat.  I had been told that it was brilliant, so was surprised to find that it was just a classy soap opera, well-scripted but full of unlikely situations. I next saw it with eager friends in Miami at the Actor's Theater. While well-performed and done on a complete three-story house set as spectacular as New York's, I remained unimpressed. Since I am a playwright, always hoping for a production, any production, it is natural for people to say "sour grapes", but I sincerely thought this play was vin ordinaire and cannot understand it winning the Pulitzer Prize. I also write musicals, but can only gape in awe at talents like Ragtime's Terrence McNally, Lynn Ahrens and Stephen Flaherty. Now you're talking sheer jealousy, sour grapes to the max.  If I am jealous of Tracy Letts, it's because he is recognized.  I think he knew that in order to get theater produced today, you have to be part of theater, which I am not. Tracy Letts was born into a theater- involved family and made lots of friends in the field. If he hadn't been, would August: Osage County have been staged at all, brilliant as I am told it is?

This neighborhood has gone way downhill.

I used to have a lot of respect for The Huffington Post. Those were in the days when there was a Huffington attached to it. I must have liked it, I wrote almost 5,000 comments which were printed on the site. Now I think it's just a joke. Much like its previous individual trolls it seems to be a Republican publication trying to pass as liberal. I could be wrong, but for example it has an odd little multiple-choice feature called THE HUFFPPOST/YOUGOVPOLL. Now this poll says nothing about it being an advertisement or biased survey, but if you're a Democrat you can pretty sure you will always be the minority vote. The latest for instance was, "Do You Have a Favorable or Unfavorable Opinion of the National Rifle Association". Since I don't know a single person who has a favorable opinion of this creepy group, I assumed it would be mostly unfavorable. Wrong! Favorable by a good percentage. Naturally the entire country also disapproves of Obama's handling of Benghazi. Odd since most Americans haven't a clue what it is. So if you ask me if my opinion of Huffington Post is favorable or unfavorable, I would answer "It was good. Now it sucks."

A bridge too far.

Poor Chris Christie, none of his operations seems to be going smoothly. The one for his weight is not what I would call a raging success. He still looks pretty heavy to me. I even question whether he had that operation or chose to work with will  power. The other operation went even worse, the one he denies he was part of, having his henchman David Wildstein close down the two Fort Lee access lanes of the George Washington Bridge (the busiest span in the country) on the first day of school. And why?  As a "that'll show ya" to Fort Lee's Mayor, Democrat Mark Sokolich after he merely hinted he was not going to endorse the reelection of Christie. Of course Christie denies everything since he is hoping to be out next Taft-like president. But one still wonders if he is elected and he doesn't get his way in Congress, will he fake repairs on all the turnpikes in every blue state?

Hollow eyes. Horse face. Empty head.

I see where Ann Coulter called Melissa Harris Perry a token black at MSNBC. A typical snarky and inaccurate remark from the ridiculous Ms. Coulter, she off the cocktail dress at all hours and a hairstyle far too young for her 53 years. Miss Perry, on the other hand, is pretty and smart, vivacious and utterly charming. I would say that Ms. Coulter is a token c--- for the Republican party if there weren't dozens of others.

Ally, what are you waiting for?

Truly this is one the lamest, stupidest, most illogical commercials on television. It's even worse than their other idiotic commercial in which a woman damages a cat (yeah, that will win you lost of customers). After the inspired commercials with a man in a suit taking advantage of children's naivite, Ally has had nothing but dippy idealess commercials like this one. The bank's slogan is "Your money needs an ally." Their mission should be, "Ally needs a new agency....and fast."

The answer will be revealed in another half hour.

I detest these people who post items on the Internet that read something like: "Three Foods You Should Avoid to Stay Slim". As far I can see in several seconds you can say something like: Fried Iguanas, Chicken Livers and Ostrich Eggs. But they don't do that. Instead they launch into some boring esoteric nonsense about what various chemicals do to your body and keep you waiting, waiting, waiting for them to indict these three unknown foods. I am sure at the end they try to sell you something. I wouldn't know because I never get that far. So I'm going to give you some helpful, fast and free advice for the New Year. Avoid anyone that doesn't impart their supposed secret right away.

Note: The Three Foods site that was so irritating has no visual I can download. So I can't say these Top Ten Obesity Causing Foods is another one of these long advertisements. But I don't intend to find out.

(This is not Tonya Harding. Tonya's much nicer.)

For some bizarre reason Wyoming is nicknamed the Equality State. Not if the resident Cheneys have anything to do with it. I think it's probably one of the states most opposed to equality if only because this family of cretins lives there which sort of shames everyone else in our second-most-densely- populated state, (the Cheneys being the densest). Although Dick's most masculine daughter, Liz, did just gave up her bid for the senate, which is wonderful news. She cited "serious health issues"in her family, I am guessing she is referring to her father's lifelong mental illness and her own bipolar narcissistic personality. She is obviously deranged because in a recent speech she referred to herself as a patriot, which is one step below thinking she is Napoleon. Anyway now that Liz is out of the way, Wyoming can concentrate on its two favorite pastimes: killing animals and rodeos.

"Grey skies are gonna clear up, put on a happy face."

It recently occurred to me that most of my latest posts are kind of dark. I mean I wrote about the despicable Koch Brothers, the immoral Mormon Church, Jabba the Hutt (Rush Limbaugh), the many lying attacks on President Obama and even about lousy movies like Broken City. Posts that were nasty and mean and negative (though all true)  and not the sort of thing to make you smile and feel good. So I want to correct that now with some wonderful news I read just the other day that is sure to make you feel there are good things in this troubled world: Conservative New York radio host Bob Grant died at age 84.