Things one refuses to do.

You know what's sad? When people start begging for favors, especially from people they don't even know (like Ann W. and Susan S.). For instance, the number of people viewing my blog seems to be diminishing. Of course I would like to have more fans. But am I going to ask those who do read it to recommend it to their friends? of course not. That would be tacky. But there are people that would do that. Really. They would come right out and say, "Please see if you can help build traffic on my blog". Shameful. Besides, as we now, it takes a certain person to read my posts. After all they are anti-Republican, anti-religion, and annoyingly opinionated.You know, like how I insist on putting the period outside the question mark when it's no longer considered acceptable. And how I refuse to capitalize tv when it's not a capitalized word. No. I will absolutely not suggest that anyone try to get me more readers. That would be so pathetic. Happy New Year!

Much ado about nothing.

James Franco and Seth Rogen have good reason to smile. If there hadn't been as much controversy about their film The Interview it would have opened at theaters, made a modest buck, and disappeared. At least that's what the critical response suggests. Most reports list it as a juvenile political comedy hardly worth the fuss that has been made over it. In the long run I think it hurt Franco's image as a James Dean-like star. His behavior has been so goofy during this entire event it's hard to take him seriously any more. Rogen, of course, has always been a middle weight vulgarian. They should make a lot of money over this cause celebre, but if I were them I wouldn't start writing an Oscar acceptance speech.

Year-endings.

As the year ends there are two deaths that should make me sad, but don't. One is the death of Eddie Cahill of Portage, Indiana. He was mauled to death by his pet pit bull, Fat Boy, a dog who had a history of violent incidents, though his co-owner Blanca Rodriguez denied it. I don't feel sorry because I suspect that pit bulls are only as nasty as their paranoid owners. I do feel sorry for the death of Fat Boy however. He might have had a good life with wiser owners. The other death was in Hayden, Idaho, where  a 2-year-old boy shot and killed his mother. The woman was shopping at a Wal-Mart with four children. The young boy who was left in the shopping cart reached into the victim's purse and grabbed the small caliber handgun which discharged. How can I feel sorry for a gun-toting mother so careless that she goes shopping with four children and leaves a loaded weapon unattended near a toddler? Wouldn't it nice if there were far fewer of these kind of stories in 2015?  Don't count on it.

Duh!

My nomination for the most irritating, annoying, and useless word of our time is "selfie".  Why are we suddenly so preoccupied with people taking photos of themselves?  They've been doing it since the invention of the camera. It's no big deal, and it certainly doesn't need to have a name, a stupid name at that.  We might as well start promoting people having cereal as "spoonies" and try to get as many celebrity spoonies as possible featured on reality shows. I can't imagine why so many people think the photo above is so amazing and newsworthy. There are probably eight million similar photos of weddings, graduations, company picnics, and reunions in America alone. None of them ever needed to have an idiotic title like "selfie".

See Dad Not Run

Today, surprisingly, I feel sorry for some of the most talented and attractive people in America. Who are they? All the actors and actresses who were cast members of the 77 tv series that were cancelled this year. One begins a series with high hopes: It will be successful, picked up, run for years, make me rich and famous. Then bam, it's cancelled, and you're out of work and not sure whether you'll get another shot at fame. That's a horrible situation. I'm sure in most cases the cancellation was justified judging from how bad most shows are. But there have to be cases where it was an excellent vehicle and the network didn't give it a chance. Many of televisions most successful series were nearly cancelled after a year or two, then went on to become major moneymaking successes. Seinfeld, for instance, got a slow start. I'm sure that every actor in every series feels that the person or persons who cancelled it is an idiot. I'm also sure they're probably right.

Note: See Dad Run is just one of the 77 cancelled series. So even having a name star in the cast doesn't help.

Steve's true colors.

I am told there are still some African-Americans who are leaning to the right, believing that Republicans are good at heart. Then those persons might want to know that House majority whip, Rep. Steve Scalise (R. La.) once spoke at a conference hosted by the white supremacist group European-American Unity and Rights Organization. (He also twice voted against making Martin Luther King Day a holiday in Louisiana.) Of course he now pleads ignorance about the event. But he is not being censored by his fellow Republicans, many of whom share his opinions on purity. Update: Apparently most Republicans, notably John Boehner, are standing by Scalise, maintaining that he didn't know the group was racist. They seem to feel that Scalise is not a bigot, just incredibly stupid.

God does it again.

The magical thinking of the religious never ceases to amaze me. The family of ten who missed the tragic AirAsia flight because they were late to the airport is thanking God for sparing their lives. They apparently feel that the Lord in his mercy created enough delays to save them from a horrible fate. But does it occur to them that if there were a god, he would be the same brutal bastard who plummeted that flight into the sea killing innocent men, women, and children in the most horrifying way? Of course not. Because there is no reason to religion, any religion. Which is why all the mourners at the airport are not saying, "Thank you God for killing my family and giving them the opportunity to enter heaven earlier."

Does it come with a padded cell?

Is this ad for real? What the hell is a collar coat? It looks more like a strait jacket. And
what are those straps on the sleeves for? I'm not surprised they offer free shipping. I'm surprised the coat isn't free. I just checked the Internet. Dress Lily isn't a joke after all, but a real fashion retailer. I don't pretend to be a fashion maven, but I will say they have some of the ugliest coats and dresses I've ever seen.

I don't know much about the war between Miami taxis and uber drivers, but  do know I have no sympathy for Miami cabs. I have lived here for more than twenty years and think Miami cab service like Miami transit sucks. I just arrived home in a taxi. The driver had no idea where I lived, took the longest route to get there, spoke very little English and was a half-hour late in picking us up. That's typical in Miami. The usually crusty female dispatchers always tell you ten to 15 minutes when it's more like 30 to 45, if the cab shows up at all. You can't easily get a cab on the street. Some drivers get pissed if you're not going on an long trip. Some play loud music. Many have b.o. I even had one years ago who must have arrived from England because he drove on the wrong side of the street and nearly got us killed. No, sorry, I don't really care if Miami cabdrivers are losing customers to uber. Unless, of course, uber drivers are even worse, which is hard to imagine.

Judith's lap dog is still yapping.

The hypocritical moron ex Mayor Rudy Giuliani urged Mayor Bill de Blasio to apologize to the New York Police Department for creating the impression that he sided with protesters over law enforcement during recent protests. First of all Rudy should mind his own business. Secondly he is no one to encourage anyone to apologize since he hasn't done it nearly enough for his 9-11 errors. And finally you don't apologize for "creating an impression". You apologize for an actual offense. It is not deBlasio's fault that some men in blue chose to misinterpret his comments and be so overly sensitive that they had a hissy fit, stamped their feet, and wouldn't talk to the mayor. If anything the New York Police Union should apologize to the city of New York for their childish and shameful and disloyal behavior.

No big idea here.

The logic of this commercial escapes me. I don't see how a large man in a tiny house suggests the theme that the "flu is a big deal". This looks like some art director's totally illogical weed-inspired concept in which he managed to get the "cool man" copywriter to go along, but ineffectively. The frequent use of the words "large"and "small" doesn't in any way make this absurd concept any more viable. So, basically I hate this commercial because it's stupid. But I also have a dislike for Tamiflu since I associate it with war criminal Donald Rumsfeld, who is a large stockholder in this product.

The mean blue line.

While New York's "finest" are making a big deal out of mourning for the two officers who were killed, they are also showing just how small and petty they can be with their attacks on Mayor DeBlasio. Their vindictive behavior is so unprofessional and malicious, it makes you wonder how good they are at keeping a cool head to protect the citizens of New York. Of course we're all aware of how police will stick together, which is why they are so against comments made by DeBlasio, but never once turned their backs on trigger-happy cops who killed innocent New Yorkers, of which there were quite a few.

Who needs real news?

The lazy and idiotic press are ending this year as they have conducted it, by reporting utterly stupid stories that are of no consequence to anyone, but easy to cover. The latest is that President Obama when posing for a photo with Girl Scout Troop 2612 of Tulsa, Oklahoma put on a tiara. The significance of this is that he once said never "put stuff on your head if you're president." Of course this couldn't be reported as a lighthearted and whimsical break for his own rigid rules by a fun-loving president. No. It would seem that HuffingtonPost and other outlets assume that this means our president is in danger of going back on everything else he ever said. To them the tiara is the ultimate betrayal, the symbol of reneging on every promise and, of course, another example of Obama looking for any sign of royalty. How can any of us forget the dreaded tiara?

When kind was still considered cool.

It must be hard raising kids with today's media. When I was growing up in 50s, many of the TV sitcoms were gentle family dramas. Along with the comedy there were lessons on etiquette, morality and tolerance. The popular shows included Father Knows Best, Leave it to Beaver, and The Donna Reed Show. Today's sitcoms are, for the most part, sexual, cynical, and scatological and generally too adult for children who watch them anyway. There are very few life lessons in Two and a Half Men, Rules of Engagement, and Mike and Molly, shows populated by amusing characters with very little character. Even today's quiz shows, unlike such innocent fare as What's My Line or To Tell the Truth, are out for the easy laugh, notably The Family Feud which strives to get answers that are either sexual or toilet-related. So children today have a steady diet of low-brow humor, endless sexual innuendos, and unwarrented cynicism along, of course, with thousands of commercials that often feature the same kind of negative humor. Happily we have freedom of speech. Unhappily many people in the entertainment and advertising industries use it in the most pessimisic possible ways.

That's my burberry, not yours, sister.

Surely I cannot be the only person who finds these pretentious cologne ads, commercials, and posters hilarious. Come on, are there women so stupid that they can be convinced to buy a perfume because of a sapphic ad with British models Cara Delevingne and Kate Moss? What the hell are these intense stares and the parted lips supposed to convey? Anger? It's cold in here? I'm prettier than you? Why does sensuality in fashion ads always have to have to be so deadly serious. Don't these people enjoy sex? I don't know which of these glowering models is which but the one on the left has the same expression my cat has when I catch him spraying on the sofa.

A week before the last midnight.

Sorry to say that 2014, which wasn't a great year to begin with, ended with a major disappointment: Into the Woods. Having seen the superb American Playhouse tv version so many times, I assumed that a multi-million dollar Disney film had to be even better. Wrong. While there is nothing shameful about the new movie, it isn't the fantastic film it promised to be. Since critics will give you all kinds of information, I'll list my personal gripes. When Red Riding Hood confronts the wolf who is dressed as the grandmother he has just eaten, she says, "What big ears you have." though one can't see his ears. Hmm.  While most critics seem to regard "Agony" as a highlight, I think it was badly done. It is a song best sung with both princes standing together, not dashing about a waterfall rending their clothes and making their antics secondary to the hilarious lyrics. (Also, I personally missed the deleted "Agony" reprise in which the princes were now enamored of Snow White and Sleeping Beauty.) Meryl Streep was, as usual, wonderful but she did not, in any way, eclipse Bernadette Peters who was much funnier and scarier. Streep did an amazing rendition of "The Last Midnight", my least favorite song. Rob Marshall's decision to freeze-frame Cinderella's prince while she sings about. "being stuck on the steps of the palace." was confusing and again, interfered with the brilliant lyrics. While all the actors were letter-perfect in their roles, I didn't feel any of them lived up to the glowing press reports sprinkled throughout the media months before the film's release. Sadly Annette Crosby, as Red Riding Hood's grandmother, has a thankless role which could have been filled by anyone. I, frankly, think the film would have been better served by more songs and less plot. Especially annoying was postponing "Children Will Listen" to the very end, when it is so much the theme of the film. I hope that moviegoers, not being the insane Sondheim fan I am, will look kindly on this film and make it a success. But I suspect it is going to be inaccessible to those not familiar  with the superb music and lyrics. So, whether you loved this film or were disappointed, you're not alone. No one is alone.

End of year reminders.

These are the messages I hope I conveyed during the year. 1. Walgreens is a rip-off chain. Almost everything there costs far more than at your nearest supermarket, even a costly supermarket. 2. Bayer does very deceptive advertising and they were the company that manufactured and profited on the chemicals used to kill Jews in the Holocaust. 3. Americans are sheep when it comes to commercial messages. They willingly accept far more commercial messages than are necessary for broadcasters to make a huge profit. 4. Republicans almost to the man and woman are racist traitorous scum. They have deceptively vilified our president and done everything to undermine the poor and middle class, even those low-wage earners stupid enough to think they are Republicans when they're not. 5. The Bush family, despite what anyone says, is a low-brow clan of classless grifters and, of course, a war criminal. 6. Most tv commercials today suck, especially those for cars, which are utterly pretentious. 7. Most Hollywood film directors are hacks as evidenced by the crop of crappy movies that littered theaters this year. 8. While I'm an atheist and certain to remain so, I totally believe in all the Christian values that an overwhelming number of bigoted, narrow-minded, racist and just plain shitty Christians seem to totally reject. Kind of makes me wish there were a hell because I think a lot of church-goers would be going there. Merry Christmas.

Into the Woods not out of the woods.

The only movie I have been interested in seeing in ages was Into the Woods. Since I love the stage play, I had hoped the movie would be a major success. The early reviews suggest otherwise. While it has not been panned, the suggestion is that it's good but not great despite its stellar cast. (I still have to judge for myself.) Oh, well. In a way this may be good. As a Sondheim fan, I am disappointed the nobody has made a successful Sondheim movie. A Little Night Music with Elizabeth Taylor was dreadful. A Funny Thing Happened on the Way to the Forum was acceptable, but unsatisfying, thanks to the untalented Richard Lester. Sweeney Todd with Johnny Depp was a bore despite high expectations. Here's the good news. Hopefully lots of directors will want to be the first one to have a brilliantly filmed Sondheim musical, which will give Sondheim fans lots of new productions. Frankly, I have always felt that the perfect combination of Sondheim musical and director would be Company directed by Woody Allen. Allen, who captures the mood of New York City better than anyone, should make Company the crowing achievement of his brilliant career.

Annie: A different kind of overnight success.

I admit I have a suspicious nature. Still. I find this odd. The film Annie comes out. The early reviews are terrible. One reviewer called it "possibly the worst film of the year". It is soundly panned by the New York Times. Peter Travers of Rolling Stones headlined his review with "It's hard-knock life for anyone who has to suffer through this ill-advised update of the Broadway classic." Sony stands to lose a lot of money if it's a turkey, which is seems to be. Then all of a sudden there appear good reviews. Suddenly the turkey is more of a peacock. It has charm, sure to delight parents and children alike. Is this the same film? Or is it possible that some reviewers can actually be swayed by whatever means to suddenly look kindly on a film that just the other day was over-produced, badly directed, poorly acted and without charm. One wonders.

Euphoria in name only.

I know. I know. These commercials for perfume are supposed to be sexy, provocative and aspirational. But I can't help it, I find them hysterically comical. They are so fake, so over the top, so the opposite of sophisticated. There is nothing to see in the faces of these vapid models. There is no reality in their sighs and pseudo caresses. Show me the face and lush sensuality of young Simone Signoret. Give me a contempory hero with the unexpected sex appeal of Jean Paul Belmondo. These commercials reek of
two young models putting in an hour with the cameraman, then heading off to Starbucks.

Chalk up another one.

It is amazing to me that anybody, but anybody, votes for Republicans. Generally they are the slimiest, shadiest, most greedy bunch of corrupt bastards one could imagine. A good poster boy for them would be Staten Island's Representative scumball Michael Grimm, who just pleaded guilty to one count of felony tax fraud on Tuesday. Grimm's guilty plea carries with it a maximum sentence of three years in prison. Whether he serves jail time or not depends on his powerful cronies and the sentencing judge. Grimm's admission of guilt is the latest in a long legal drama related to his ownership in an Upper East Side restaurant, Healthalicious. It seems he has hidden from the government more than a million in sales and hundreds of thousands in employee wages. Grimm (what a perfect name) is not new to controversy. In January, during a wild-eyed hissy fit, he threatened to throw a reporter off the balcony of the U.S. Capitol because he dared to ask Grimm about his campaign finance violations. But seriously, does he look unhinged to you?

Things I'd love to know.

We learn all kinds of things from the news. But there are certain things I would love to know that the news will never tell me. For instance: Does it bother John Boehner that so many people perceive him as an alcoholic? Does he cringe at all those reports and comments from people like Bill Maher? Does he even see himself as a drunk? I'd love to know. I'd also love to know if Michele Bachmann is embarrassed by the constant suggestions that her husband is gay. If she thinks he's straight, does she question why there are so many accusations? Does he? And if he's gay, does she know it? But there are so many other things it would be interested to know. Is Mitch McConnell aware of how ugly he is? How do Republicans behave around Larry Craig? Does Rudolph Giuliani have any sense at all of what a pussy-whipped husband and all around creep he is?  How does Sarah Palin feel about all the digs regarding her intelligence or lack thereof? I don't suppose I'll ever know the answer to these questions. Still it's fun to ask.

NYPD's finest?

Instead of improving relations between police and citizens, the NYPD has made things worse. With their petty and unfair attacks on DeBlasio and any protester who thinks cops shouldn't kill unarmed citizens, they have reminded us all that cops can be an armed, unified, often angry and blind mass of blue without reason. The NYPD has shown us that the think alike, act alike and do not permit any member to express a different point of view. Thus we are reminded that should the NYPD take a position, no matter how unreasonable, the entire force will more than likely support it.

Another musical idol has left.

I wonder if Rudy Giuliani is going to blame Obama for Joe Cocker's death.

Two heros and lots and lots of cowards.

I have the most amazing piece of information for all those lying cowards, like Rudy Giuliani, who are pointing fingers at those who they say were responsible for the murder of those two New York police officers Wenjian Liu and Rafael Ramos. Both men were shot in their squad car by Ismaaiyl Brinsley, a mentally disturbed 28-year-old.  And guess what? he acted alone, is solely responsible, and there is no evidence whatsoever that his actions were caused by any kind of " imagined"  anti-police propaganda as the Republican uberpropaganda machine was quick to suggest. But sadly most Republicans have already gotten their GOP marching orders memo: "Blame the President. Blame the Mayor." so it's too late to stop their vindictive accusations. It's a pity that two hard-working and admired members of the NYPD are being used by Republicans as fodder for their unending racism. 

Thanks, Keurig, but no thanks.

I really hate all these new Keurig commercials where people's homes are invaded by strangers wanting various Keurig brews. Far from reminding me of how convenient a Keurig coffee maker is, it presents an annoying situation that suddenly turns an easy routine into a task, a chore, a need to please. Even if it's a fantasy, it's a depressing one. It makes me glad my Keurig has been stored in a garage cabinet from the day it arrived. What is so hard about making coffee?

A very unclear skyy.

I was lucky. I was writing copy during a great age for advertising. True is was after the 60s, but still at a time when concepts and wit counted. Many of the Boston copywriters were actual writers. Some wrote books, others plays. Today's copywriters are often near-illiterates turned out by costly ad schools believing, and probably rightly so, that all one needs is a headline. You don't even need to make sense anymore. Here's a poster I saw today for SKYY Vodka. I couldn't find it on the Internet so I'll tell you what it looked like.  It was all type except for the top of a SKYY bottle. The headline and copy was:
LIKE YOUR
LAST SELFIE

FILTERED TO GREATNESS

West of expected.

I have no idea what any of that means. Which means that it doesn't mean anything or a I am totally out of touch with today's world.

Creep.

If Republicans are experts at anything, it's passing the blame. One of the most expert at this shameful practice is former New York City Mayor Rudy Giuliani. Most recently in his constant finger-pointing, he has blamed President Obama for the weekend's assassination of two police officers. Rudy maintains that we have had four months of propaganda that everyone should hate the police, starting with the president. It comes as no surprise that cowardly, mendacious, pussy-whipped Giuliani would seek any opportunity to suggest that he has testicles, which he doesn't. He's probably also guilt-ridden about the number of policemen that died during his watch on 9-11. There is a word that is very seldom used any more, but it's very applicable to Rudy Giuliani: craven.

All cable companies suck, mostly Comcast.

I don't mind that the program descriptions on the Comcast scroll are completely inadequate an often seem to be written by illiterates, but I do object to their newest deception. They far to often write "new" about a program that has been shown many times. This is particularly irritating when they list network crime shows. One can't tell that they are repeats because the descriptions are so weak, so one waits for the time slot, tunes in and realizes there is nothing new about it. Sadly Comcast, like almost every American company does not provide any easy way to criticize them.

Unrelated: Who are these people that watch The Wizard of Oz and It's a Wonderful Life on network television where each film is a full hour longer to accommodate the endless commercial interruptions.
Surely at least these two films should be in your permanent collection, assuming you have a CD player.

One more word about Annie.

If you watch this clip, you will appreciate one more of Annie's many flaws. The camera doesn't stay still for a moment. A musical scene has to be seen to appreciated. That's clearly impossible here. Even Bob Sajak on Wheel or Fortune the other night said he can't go to most movies because the constantly moving camera gives him a headache. This is a pathetic trend today, a bandwagon on which all the unimaginative cinematographers have leaped. So I would advise any parents with children who are autistic or suffer any other problems with concentration to avoid the dizzying, undisciplined, and boring camera work of Annie.

Note: Why is it "Hard Knock" life? It seems to me "Hard Knocks" would make more sense. In life one doesn't get a hard knock, you get hard knocks. Plus it's much more euphonic to sing.

America does not adopt Annie.

I'm not the least bit surprised that the reviews for Annie suggest the movie is a disaster, not entertaining for adults and certainly not for children. I never expected it be good. One could hardly watch the previews that played a month before the premiere to sense there was no energy, no charm, and probably no real music in this film. No doubt Quvenzhane Wallis is little charmer (though I have never understood actresses who deliberately choose complex names), so I feel bad that she won't be in a major success. But what were the adults thinking?  Just because Cameron Diaz played some disreputable characters recently doesn't mean she's an ideal Miss Hannigan. It's not worth questioning the judgement of all the players. But you would think the producers would realize Annie was a story about a red-headed orphan and her dog during the Depression. It was a famous cartoon. It was super-successful Broadway show. It had vitality, wit, comedy and little girls who could belt out a song to Row Z. It had nothing to do with modern-day New York or politics or "foster" children. If you want that show, write something new. This is yet one more example of arrogant people in power thinking they know better and can't fail, and again, and again, and again, they fail.

		...

Republican hero.

Sometimes the racist Republicans are riotously funny in their attempts to vilify our president. Funny because it's like watching Wile E. Coyote try to outwit The Roadrunner. Except instead of placing orders with Acme Corporation they send out propaganda memos, which prove just as disastrous to them as Wile's dynamite and falling safes. One of their latest had this theme (can't provide it verbatim because they're secret):"Praise Putin to diminish Obama". Once received such Republicans as Rudolph Giuliani, Pat Buchanan, Bryan Fischer, Sarah Palin, and of course everyone on Fox News had nothing but kudos for the Russian dictator. What a leader, what a decider, what a hunk of man! My god, he was everything that Obama was not. They were practically having diurnal emissions just thinking about Vladimir, the Divine. But, alas, once again the dynamite blew up in their face when the near-perfect, big-breasted, macho Putin couldn't keep Russia from sliding into a depression or stop the ruble from tumbling, tumbling, tumbling. In the meantime, Obama, the Roadrunner, has opened up negotiations with Cuba to the delight of almost everyone except balloon-headed Rubio and all the elderly remaining unforgiving Florida Cubans. So there's very little for the Republican party to now but pretend they were never really in love with Putin and wait for the next shipment from the Acme Corporation

Outrage in Lala land.

I see where actors like Rob Lowe and Ben Stiller are outraged that we have pulled The Interview. They regard it as giving up our freedom of speech. Sorry, I don't see it that way. I think Sony was very misguided authorizing a movie about assassinating an actual and living world leader, even if he is a dictator. North Korea fought back and won, though their tactics were below the belt. Now lots of celebrities are whining because they can't show this despicable film and subject the moviegoers stupid enough to attend it to possible danger. I wonder if Mr. Lowe, Mr. Stiller and the other complainers feel that our freedom of speech should allow us to show snuff films.

One of the lazy media's many pets.

I think one of the most unfortunate aspects of the news, what I consider to be the lazy media, is that they quote anyone. Pat Robertson, for instance, is a mental case. His comments are nothing less than meaningless and insane. Yet the media are delighted to quote him, interview him, and give him a forum and spotlight that they would deny to any less well-known nut. Why? Because they're lazy and he's an easy target. The evangelicals think he's wise, everyone else knows he belongs in an asylum. But it doesn't matter if everything he says is madness, the media quotes him, as they quote other crazies like Sarah Palin, Donald Trump, and Ann Coulter. Now you could argue that they are newsworthy. But are they really? Is it news to promote the latest pronouncements by people who are more suited to a strait jacket than a news column?

Note: Just look at this guy's face. Is there any doubt in your mind that he's nuttier than any fruitcake?

Future leaders?

What happens to the male brain during the college years?  What is it about the university environment that creates an army of puerile, beer-drinking, prank-pulling, sex-obsessed morons.  Case in point: a University of Pennsylvania fraternity has been suspended pending an investigation into a holiday card showing the mostly white students posing with what it claims is a Beyonce sex doll. First of all, I am surprised they admit they are so unappealing to the opposite sex that the need a sex doll. But aside from that wasn't one of these guys mature enough, intelligent enough, and forward-thinking enough to say, "Hey, this is not a good idea." Not only is it insulting to Beyonce (who should sue these dummies)  but it must embarrass their parents and make them wonder why they shelled out so much money to educate such an idiotic son. Also, as a fraternity member, why would you want the world to know that you and your house brothers are so sexually immature?

This Interview is over.

I, for one, think The Interview should be pulled. Further I think Josh Rogen and James Franco were raging assholes for conceiving this idiotic project. The pity is that Sony didn't have enough foresight and intelligence to pass on the project in the first place. Did they really think the nutcases in North Korea were going to allow this project to go through peacefully?  So what have we learned? That hackers are gaining more and more power every day. That successful actors often have too much project power and too little brainpower. That even powerful corporations like Sony can make monumental mistakes. And, finally ,that you don't mess around with people in power.

Return to paradise?

I see balloon-head Rubio is upset that Obama wants to open relations with Cuba. I can't imagine why. The Cuban community in Florida wants to continue the embargo against Cuba though it hurts all the people they supposedly care about. But who cares if one can enjoy a spite-fest against Cuba's leaders, especially Fidel Castro who is probably so senile he couldn't care less? If we never had the embargo on Cuba, I suspect that the country would have fought for and won its independence decades ago and all the Cubans in Miami could have regained the splendid estates and mansions they apparently all had to leave behind when they came to Florida.

"I have a little list"

I wonder if many people let what they know about a celebrity affect their appreciation of their talent. How many people for instance can no longer find Bill Cosby funny? I know I am less likely to like an actor once I find out he or she is a Republican or spouse abuser or religious fanatic. If I learn they're sadistic hunters like Gerald McRainey or abusers of animals like Gerard Butler who punched a dog, I find them intolerable. Weaknesses like alcoholism or drug addiction don't bother me as much. In the past I tried not to remember that John Wayne and several other favorite actors were right wingers. I even found it ironically amusing that Larry Hagman, the son of Broadway's Mary Martin was homophobic. In recent years two of the actors that I admired most were Mark Wahlberg and James Franco. Now I must admit I don't enjoy watching either of them, Wahlberg because he was a teen-age thug and Franco because The Interview proves he's an idiot.

Speaking of The Interview. It seems that America is losing the diction war. Nobody can pronounce Ts anymore. Most announcers say Sanna Claus and even the promotions for this moronic Franco-Rogen ego trip are pronouncing it as the "innaview".

"Not a good tag line, Matie."

This is an Australian commercial. As seen here it makes sense, sort of. But apparently Lays had started running the same commercial in the United States with the tag line, "One taste and you're in love." which makes no sense at all. I am always amazed at big-budget advertisers who make such stupid decisions. Or is it their opinion that the viewers are stupid and will never notice.

What a sense of humor!

Former Florida Gov. Jeb Bush (R) said he has "decided to actively explore" a presidential run. Now let's see, his father, a mediocre president who was disliked by the Reagans did play a part in the Iran-Contra Scandal. His moronic brother President George W, with the help of sadist Dick Cheney created a costly war in which thousands were killed and our country was nearly bankrupt. His mother  Barbara thought that the blacks devastated by Hurricane Katrina and forced to live in the Superdome never had it so good. His brother Neil, along with other family members, played a major role in the Savings and Loan Scandal which cost American taxpayers over $1.4 trillion (yes, trillion) dollars. Neil apparently spent lots of his ill-gotten gains on teen-age prostitutes in Thailand and Hong Kong. Jeb's wife, Columba, on her return from Paris in 1999 declared $500 worth of goods to U.S. Customs when she had actually made purchases close to $20,000. Three years later his daughter, Noelle, was arrested for prescription fraud while trying to score the tranquilizer Xanax. Then in 2005, his son, Jeb Jr. was arrested in Texas for public intoxication and resisting arrest. (Far from a teen-age lark, he was 21 at the time.) Yes, this is just what American needs—another member of the Bush family.

This commercial doesn't smell right.

Huffington Post, the world's leader in exaggeration calls this Airwick commercial the "most heartfelt commercial of the holiday season". While I admire all servicemen and women and, yes, of course agree that scent is a powerful memory stimulator, I find this commercial less than moving. The hero is in great shape and seems to be doing well enough overseas, and is so free from danger he can enjoy solitary hockey practice. The very well-to-do Fellers family lives in a huge house in North Carolina, has several cars, and enough money to frame a huge wall of pictures. The well-dressed children have lots of toys, plenty of room to play, and a beautifully furnished home. I am sure they are lovely and loving people But there's something slightly off about Airwick focusing all its sympathy on such a comfortable soldier and his prosperous family, when there are less fortunate male and female soldiers in harm's way who are worried about how their families will make it through the holidays and do not have the benefit of communicating with them through their home Skype. This is a ridiculous commercial.

WHAT A COINCIDENCE!
Recently the director of Frozen, Jennifer Lee, with tongue in cheek apologized to parents for the song "Let It Go" which is being heard everywhere.  But I think ABC owes its viewers an actual heartfelt apology for the shameless way they continually promote the Disney movie during their news broadcasts. David Muir and others seem to strive to find some news item that connects in a way to this animated film. After all Disney is their parent and very controlling company. I find it particularly  annoying because 22 years ago I wrote a musical screenplay called The Clouds of 
Adverstein. Since I had a coworker whose spouse worked at Disney, I got my project read by them and rejected. Among the many songs in my screenplay one of my favorites was titled, "Let It Go". Hmm.

The great Jesus scam.

I think I've been too hard on Kirk Cameron. Maybe he isn't the religious nut he seems to be. Maybe he's a very good con man. Think about it. You have this kind of dippy twerp whose only shot at fame was this mediocre sitcom. He's cute, yeah, but not a great actor. Sort of a poor man's Tony Dow.  Then in 1992, the show is cancelled and he's going to be a nobody. How can he stay in the limelight?  Inspiration! Many people know that he's an atheist. So why not become a born-again Christian? But how to get attention. Why not use the Ann Coulter method of showboating. Say something nasty and outrageous. Vilify homosexuals. This will serve two purposes. It will cause angry conversation. And it might distract people from all those assignations in Kirk's dressing room. It's perfect. It's been 22 years since the show was cancelled, and Kirk is still in the news, instead of being a washed-up pretty boy. Brilliant.

Sadly, not in the movie.

I haven't been enthusiastic about seeing any movie in years. But I am more than eager to see Into the Woods, which I hope will be the best film of the year. I was sorry to read today that one of the songs that is not in the film is "No More", which is one of my favorites—or at least it is as sung by Chip Zien and Tom Aldredge in the original cast album. I have included it here in case you haven't heard it. This is a perfect combination of Stephen Sondheim's genius and the perfect talents for such a great song. Not in the movie?  Disney how could you?

I have long been a critic of SNL which I think has all the wit and imagination of junior high school skits. For humor, I think the Brits have had us beat for decades. If you are not familiar with The Big Train, here is just one of their skits. You can see their other brilliant satires on YouTube.

Aiding a killer.

There's something vaguely creepy about this commercial. It would seem that the Big Bad Wolf, who was having trouble breathing, has been prescribed Symbicort. The result is that now he has his strength back and will probably very soon blow down the home of the three little pigs and devour them. Charming.

Evil beyond words.

I saw three sickeningly hideous things on the Internet today.

Finally, something to watch.

After night after night of having nothing to watch, I began to wonder why I even pay the high price I do for Comcast. Even their On Demand features seems to offer only second-rate movies. Their first-run features, which cost $5.99 and up are almost always a disappointment. Then someone recommended Roku to me. Amazingly it cost less than $50.00. I attached it to my television, signed up for Netflix and Acorn from its many many source choices, and voila! something worth watching every night. Not on Netlix, mind you. But Acorn. This service which provides the best of British television offers an endless supply of outstanding dramas, excellent mysteries, and riveting police shows, most without the endless commercials of U.S. TV, even paid channels. We've already gone through every episode of Murder in Suburbia, which saddens me. Another great series was Trivia, which has characters and a theme unlike anything available here. Among the many comedies is  pseudo quiz show called IQ, which actually requires one of its viewers.  Almost every detective show is better than anything the U.S. offers because the people seem real. And right now we're binging on a fantastic 13-part series called A Place to Call Home.  If you have a sore thumb from the futile act of sofa surfing, I recommend that get Roku and sign up for Acorn.

"Don't you wish you were us?"

There are very few things in the world that are as pretentious and as hilariously funny as Dolce and Gabbana advertising. This poster seems to be springing up all over Miami. I am sure some people find it glamorous, even erotic. I find it absurdly comical, not only for the two dippy models: he trying to look butch and sexy, she looking slightly brain dead, but for the name of the cologne: light blue!
This is how you name a new cologne? No, this is how you name a generic house paint, or maybe even a horse. While most D & G advertising looks like something out of gay porn magazine, this poster decided to go the heterosexual route, though she looks a little pissed so maybe I'm wrong.

Larceny is so adorable.

In the past, most sitcoms featured characters with character, people who were honest and fair as well as funny. Can you picture Lucy shoplifting? Fred Mertz cheating on Ethel. Edith Bunker lying to get a free meal? All that has been changed by today's comedy writers, notably Chuck Lorre who has the sitcom market cornered. In a recent Mike and Molly, a Chuck Lorre show, Molly was going to Las Vegas for a girls' weekend. She planned to bring a large bag with her for all the things she planned to steal. Mike objected until she suggested she could steal him a robe (value, about $90). This thievery was presented in a humorous tone. In addition to the immorality, the show all too often tells us more than we ever want to know about Mike and Molly's hygiene, digestive systems and bathroom habits. In Rules of Engagement, another Chuck Lorre show, almost all the characters are sex-obsessed and constantly lying to each other and others. One couple would fake becoming engaged in restaurants in order to get free meals. The other couple are constantly lying to each other and ridiculing one another behind their backs. The Patrick Warburton character is incredibly cheap and obviously loves sports more than his wife. The David Spade character is obsessively promiscuous and often one-step removed from being a rapist. They constantly socialize together though they have no respect for one other. Also, like every Chuck Lorre program it includes lots of bathroom humor. While both of these shows have amusing situations and very clever writing, overall they are amazingly immoral and extremely vulgar. I find it amusing that the programs we watch often feature people we probably would not want to list among
our friends.  At least I hope we wouldn't.

This is one of those commercials I always feel ambivalent about. The spot itself is done very well. But the concept is such an overused cliche. There is a sale, and everyone, but everyone is abandoning their jobs and responsibilities to get to that sale. All these spots usually end with someone running down the street or running towards a store. I remember one I saw, with so many more to follow. It was for the Merv Griffin show, which shows you how old this chestnut is. I always wonder if the copywriter and art director are young enough to believe that they have come up with something new.

This was done by Saudi Arabians.

With all the talk of torture in the news that followed the destruction of the Trade Towers, one is reminded of that terrible period in our history. I am especially aware of one aspect that has never been
explained to my satisfaction. Why did we give Saudi Arabia a pass on 9-11. Of the 19 hijackers on that horrible day, 15 were citizens of Saudi Arabia. The other two were from the United Arab Emirates, Egypt and Lebanon. But there was no outcry against Saudi Arabia and, in fact, President Bush arranged immediate transportation back to their home country for Saudi citizens in Washington, (including relatives of Osama Bin Ladin). This on a day when no one else was flying. Why has that never been explained?  And knowing that the hijackers were Saudis, why did Bush rush to vilify Iraq? And why hasn't the press pursued this story. Did I miss a special report saying that the Saudis has nothing to do with 9-11? Or, once again, does oil trump everything?Including the deaths of almost 3,000 innocent victims.

Cheese for brains.

In recent years America has had an epidemic of moronic politicians. At the same time Americans themselves seem to gone a little daft in that they reelect these intellectually challenged jerks. One of the most jerkacious is Wisconsin Governor, Scott Walker. Unlike many of the other almost equally idiotic governors (like Florida's Rick Scott) Walker actually looks dimwitted. He perpetually has an expression that's a combination of somnolence and stupidity. One is never quite sure whether he'll fall asleep like Lewis Carrol's Dormouse before he  says something inane. This week he actually wrote a line that proved once again that Walker is an imbecile and so are the voters that put this ass's ass into the governor's seat for another term. In a letter to a Jewish constituent Walker wrote that he would be happy to display a menorah at the Milwaukee County Courthouse to celebrate the "Eight Days of Chanukah". Then, in case anyone thought that Walker was anything other than a simpleton, he closed the letter with the words, "Thank you again and Molotov".

In love? Or on drugs?

These men's cologne commercials are always hilarious. The men are always handsome, but often just on this side of androgynous.  In this case it seems to be an wildly narcissistic Anthony Perkins-type in doubtful pursuit of the truly gorgeous blonde. Like so many GQ commercials he's too deadly serious and doesn't seem all that interested in hooking up with anyone. Obviously the director went straight to the black and white cliche because it suggests something, but what? Plus cologne names these days frankly stink. What the hell does One Million mean? Nothing. These days it's not a princely sum of money. It doesn't summon up visions of romance. It isn't the same as "one in a million". So what am I missing?

The excuse.

With the release of a summary of the Senate Intelligence Committee's report on the CIA's post-9/11 torture program to be released Tuesday, we're sure to have several torturers singing that old song: "I Was Just Following Orders".  Of course it's bullshit. It takes a sick, sadistic shit to follow orders like that just as it takes a sick, sadistic cop to commit the crimes in the street that we have seen so much of lately. Who accepts the job of water-boarding an "enemy combatant", another human being who feels pain and fear? Only someone without pity, without empathy, or, worse, with a desire to see suffering. No, it's not your job. It's your pleasure. What kind of cop leaps out of patrol car and within seconds shoots a 12-year-old boy without any further investigation? An arrogant, trigger-happy, sadist who doesn't know the difference between a video game and the real world. He's happy to kill people in both. The really scary thing is these sick and soulless people are everywhere and until they act they're almost impossible to recognize.

A hundred bucks for what?

One of life's greatest annoyance is having charges to your credit card that you didn't approve. Often it's some kind of scam where if you even slightly hit the wrong button,they'll sign you up for an annual fee hoping you don't notice. And it isn't always low-life merchants. Today in my Citicard bill I got a charge for AmazonPrimeMembership for $103.72. When I called the number the sweet Pakistani who answered was very agreeable to giving me a credit, but could not (or would not) tell me what AmazonPrimeMembership was or how I got on their hit list. I always thought of Amazon as a massive, but honest, company I will have to change my opinion after the 37 minutes I spend on the phone trying to straighten out a financial tangle which they created. I hope you all check your credit card bills very, very carefully.

The W. stands for Wacko.

There is no question: George W. Bush is mentally ill. That doesn't excuse him from being a mass murderer. And apparently it doesn't stop the lazy media from quoting all his insane rants as if they were uttered by a competent person. The latest, of course, is that his brother Jeb would beat Hillary Clinton in a race for president. Georgie doesn't realize that the Bush name in the race is a like dogshit-soiled shoe at the opera. But then he doesn't realize how many people he killed, how many lives he destroyed, how many nest eggs he wasted, how many years his idiotic actions set us back financially and emotionally. Like I say he's mentally ill. Which is why he feels his younger brother—with all his personal family baggage—would be a good president. Of course he wouldn't be the complete disaster George was, but Jeb is nowhere near as intelligent as Hillary Clinton and he's subject to the family curse of malapropisms.  And if he ever did get on the ticket, which I doubt, it would be like saying to the American public, "We know Mo and Curly screwed up your plumbing. Why not give Larry a chance?"

Note: Why the hell is Candy Crowley or any reporter interviewing George W. Bush as if he were a normal respectable citizen? How can they totally ignore that damage he has done to American and the world, the deaths he has caused and the callousness he has evinced. She smiles, she chats, she asks questions as if he were not a monster.  But he is a monster despite seeming moronic and harmless. Of all the wrongheaded acts done by the lazy media this is the most shameful.

Note:I'd love to see George W. take an extended vacation in Europe. America may forgive and forget all the harm he has done. I doubt that the rest of the world will. I am sure he would be arrested and slammed into prison if he steps foot out of this country. Unless of course he visits his beloved friends in Saudi Arabia, who are still grateful to him for getting them out of the U.S. the day after their countrymen flew into the Trade Towers.

Two morons make a movie.

While I am no fan of  North Korean dictator Kim Jong-un and am a fan of James Franco (and far less impressed with Seth Rogen) at the moment I am on Kim's side and think Rogen and Franco are raging assholes. I think the film The Interview is an idiotic endeavor created by two megalomaniacs who have no sense of what their idiotic action can lead to and released by Sony Pictures who must be out of their
corporate minds. Imagine a similar film in which someone were going too assassinate our president. Only the most racist Republicans would be pleased about such a sick scenario. Yet these two goons are smugly promoting this brainless project scheduled for Christmas release. I noted as I went through the cast that there are no actors with any kind of fame other than Rob Lowe who one suspects will act in anything. It is too much to hope that the American people are intelligent enough to avoid this movie so let us at least wish that the subject matter doesn't interest them and they'll be spending their money on other, less flammable, holiday movies.

I'd like a T for Christmas.

Every December I mail this doggerel to my local TV stations. Of course it does no good. I never get a reply and the news announcers, ever lazy and uncaring about pronunciation, go right on dropping their Ts in every possible place they can.

There is no Sanna Claus.

In this festive season,

You’d be wise to pause

And tell your news staff people

That there is no Sanna Claus.

Reporters will be shattered

Anchors will be dazed,

And almost everyone in news

Will surely be amazed.

If you tell them bluntly

They’re sure to drop their jaws.

So why not whisper in their ears

“There is no Sanna Claus”?

There is no Sanna Claus, you know.

There simply is no Sanna.

Nor Sanna Cruz nor Sanna Fe

Nor a wind called Sanna Ana.

Theres Is no Sanna Barbara

What’s more, there never was.

There is no Sanna Rosa

And there is no Sanna Claus.

                                  We put Christ in Christmas,

So I’m asking you why can’t a

Group of news announcers

Put the T back in Santa.