Riding the rails.

Being afraid to fly, I often take the train. Though lately I have flown several times on Jet Blue well fortified with Atavin. As a train traveler, I enjoy the experience of having a roomette and the pleasure of seeing the passing scenery in private, usually having meals in the roomette rather than sharing a table with strangers in the dining car. Booking the train used to be easy. But Amtrak like everyone else has made improvements on the Internet, which means it is more complicated than ever to book a train and, it would seem, far more expensive. Where you once had a choice of 1 reserved coach seat, a roomette, or a room, now you have a choice of 1 reserved coach seat for one price, 1 reserved coach seat for more than $150 more without any explanation of why, and a roomette. If you want a room, you have to search for it on their complex new system and it will, more than likely, cost over $1,000 for about 26 hours use. Of course Amtrak says taking the train has very little to do with fear of flying. So it must be people are willing to pay much more for a train than a plane, though it takes nine times as long, is far more expensive, has some very sour employees, and almost no safety precautions. Unless I get over my fear of flying, I will continue to take the train, but I recognize that our rail system is one of the worst in the world and one of the costliest. I wonder if we'll ever get a good, fast, and affordable train system. Acela is pretty nice, but like so many American systems, it's only for the wealthy.

Real bears kill people.

I'm amazed at the number of advertisers who think being chased by a bear is funny. Sears, for instance, apparently thinks that this guy running away from a bear is hilarious. How funny is it if the bear catches the man? Well, with a single blow of his powerful clawed paw, he could knock off the man's head. That's funny isn't it, a head in the lying in the snow?  A few more hits and the man's guts are splattered all over the pine trees? Then the idea of the persons he was calling to coming out and seeing his body parts and blood all over the landscape makes this a very amusing commercial. Finally, to make this ad just as cute as can be the man is making angels in the snow while his new best friend looks on. That fantasy should prove very helpful when you're out in a real forest. Sometimes I think ad agencies have the brainpower and common sense of 10 year olds.

Note: In this same vein are the funny burglar spots, you know those madcap thieves that are just so funny when they break into someone's home. True thieves often murder the persons who catch them in the act, but let's not spoil the fun of these commercials.

Men do it, too.

It's no surprise that so many TV advertisers feature yoga in their promotions. After all it is a symbol of peace, harmony, good health, control and bodily self awareness. It's practiced all around the world and has been for centuries. But what is a surprise is the narrow thinking of almost all advertisers since for some inexplicable and illogical reason they almost always show it as an occupation for women. Why? There is nothing feminine about yoga. Yet almost every commercial, whether for a cereal, vitamins, health care plans, or some other fitness-related product, they show a woman, never a man practicing this ancient discipline. Yoga is a time-honored and admirable exercise regiment for both men and women. If you're an advertiser who wants something that only women do, why not use a pole dancer?

Merry Chrismas?

Ah, it's December once again and another chance for me to enjoy two of my favorite pastimes. One, chiding the lazy and often incompetent news media. And two, fighting for the rights of the oft forgotten letter T in so many daily words.

There is no Sanna Claus.

In this festive season
You'd be wise to pause
And tell your news staff people
That there is no Sanna Claus.

Reporters will be shattered,
Anchors will be dazed,
And almost everyone in news
Will surely be amazed.

If you tell them bluntly,
They're sure to drop their jaws.
So why not whisper in their ears,
"There is no Sanna Claus"?

There is no Sanna Claus, you know.
There simply is no Sanna.
No Sanna Cruz nor Sanna Fe
Nor winds called Sanna Ana.

There is no Sanna Barbara.
What's more, there never was.
There is no Sanna Rosa,
And there is no Sanna Claus.

We put Christ in Christmas
So, I'm asking you why can't a
Group of news announcers
Put the "t" back in Santa?

Who is this picture for?

To avoid the endless commercials on a crime show I was watching last night, I would switch over to the commercial-free TCM. Unfortunately they were showing one of the worst musical films ever made; Dr. Dolittle. Not the Eddie Murphy one, which also sucked, but the 1967 Rex Harrison film which is very nearly unwatchable, unless, like me, you're fascinated by how awful it is. Films like this absolutely amaze me. I cannot understand how leading scriptwriters, composers, actors like Rex Harrison and Samantha Eggar, other luminaries of the British theater, leading animal trainers, and special effects experts can all pool their talents and come out with one of the most leaden, boring, tiresome musicals ever. To cite just one idiotic scene, Dr. Doolittle has at his disposal glasses designed for a horse, supposedly, except they are glasses of standard design and horses eyes are on the sides. Nonetheless it instantly cures this horses vision problems. If you think that might have been an amusing scene, you'd be wrong. Rex Harrison should have realized that one Doolittle in his life was enough and turned this turkey down.

Keep your eye on this "good Catholic".

This slimy hypocrite calls himself a Catholic. But everything he does it contrary to anything Jesus would do, or more recently the Pope. Pope Francis (an idol even to an atheist like me) has attacked unfettered capitalism as a "new tyranny" and has urged global leaders to fight poverty and growing inequality. Hopefully all good Catholics will comply. But is Paul Ryan a good Catholic? Of course not.
Much of his life is devoted to creating situations of hunger and homelessness for the hungry and poor. Unlike Jesus, he doesn't give a fuck what happens to low-income people because he's too busy working to help the money changers. There's nothing Catholic about him. Now it's possible that he will heed the recent comments of Pope Francis, see the light, be true to his faith, and reverse his reckless course of cruel capitalism to help those in need. I personally think that's about as like to happen as Boehner going on the wagon. So I encourage you to watch Ryan in the future and listen to what he says and compare it to what Pope Francis would like this "good Catholic" to do.

Holiday hero.

Sadly this is one of the greediest Thanksgivings ever. Many leading retailers will be open on Thursday, (Macy's, Target, Old Navy, Wallmart, many, many others) thus forcing their least powerful employees to work during this family holiday. Perhaps the owners of these companies should be cooking pig rather than turkey. However, there is some good news. Tony Rohr, the manager of Pizza Hut in Elkhart, Indiana, refused to open on Thanksgiving Day. Since his bosses wanted whatever profit they could gain rather than the happiness of their employees, they fired him. Rohr, who worked for the chain for ten years, starting as a cook before working his way up o the manager. To add insult to injury the Pizza Hut powers wanted Rohr to sign a letter of resignation for his refusal to open the restaurant. Rohr's response, "I do not resign. However I accept that the refusal to comply with this greedy, immoral request means the end of my tenure with this company." He added, "I hope you realize that it is the people at the bottom of the totem pole that make your life possible." If top management is smart they will apologize to Rohr, rehire him, keep the outlet closed tomorrow and make him the manager of another Pizza Hut. After all, they have hundreds of managers, but only one hero.

Worth repeating.

I never repeat a blog, but since MSNBC and others are still giving Martin Bashir a hard time for his perfectly legitimate comment about Sarah "the cesspool" Palin, I thought I ought to reiterate.

Should he have said, "feculate"? 

In a recent controversy Joe "Better than thou" Scarborough was outraged when fellow MSNBC host Martin Bashir suggested that someone should shit in Sarah Palin's mouth. Naturally Bashir had to apologize for his comments to calm the self-righteous and sanctimonious Scarborough. In a way I think Bashir was wrong. For one thing, Sarah Palin already has so much shit coming out of her mouth, there seems to be an endless supply, so I don't know why anyone would need to add to it.  And secondly, I am annoyed with Bashir for giving Joe yet another opportunity to act as if he, Joe, never utters his own inappropriate comments.

Note: You will note that I chose to illustrate this post with Martin Bashir, whom I admire, rather than with the arrogant Joe Scarborough whom I don't. Also I wasn't up to looking at Joe's John Wayne face with its incongruous W.C. Fields nose.

Second note: Did you know reiterate has the same meaning as iterate?

Broken yardstick.

Let me get this straight. Republicans congressmen, whose large unearned salaries are being paid by us can say the most slanderous, untrue, ugly things about our president and there is no penalty. But a celebrity like Alec Baldwin slips up now and then because of his anger and he loses his job, and Martin Bashir can make a vulgar comment about the demented Sarah Palin which most people agree with and he has to constantly apologize. How sensitive media outlets are!  And how insensitive the American public is. We're firing the brilliant and talented Baldwin from his weekly talk show because he hurled a homophobic insult at someone which I doubt he even meant, but demonic traitors like Ted Cruz, useless drunkards like John Boehner, whiny closeteers like Lindsey Graham, vindictive geezers like Mitch McConnell, car thieves like Darrell Issa and other despicable politicians are never punished for their totally unpatriotic blather. Seems like we're slapping the wrists of all the wrong people.

Poor Richard's Mad Attack

Lots of people would love to meet with President and Michelle Obama. But just because you can't doesn't mean they "rejected" you. That is, however, what Richard Simmons is claiming. While Simmons says he admires Michelle Obama's work to fight childhood obesity, he feels they "rejected me totally" when they were not interested in accepting his help. Apparently the idea that they may not have had the time to soothe his delicate ego never occurred to him. As he said, "I'm just not their set of sheets",  which is a peculiar way of phrasing his sense of rejection. I find it annoying enough that this one-time fitness guru is whining because he wasn't invited to bring his flamboyant style to the White House, but even more annoying that HuffPost aired his petulant complaining as if it were valid.

Couldn't care less.

Comedian with passion for deer hunting dies suddenly during hunt  

Jay Leggett, 50, collapsed while deer hunting in northern Wisconsin. The former 'In Living Color' cast member worked as an actor, screenwriter and teacher, and two years ago produced a documentary about deer hunting in his home state.

Sorry if you're a fan of this comedian, but his death doesn't disturb me in the least. Any person who takes pleasure in killing innocent animals is someone whose death seems like a blessing to me. 

I am a great fan of the ID (Investigation Discovery) channel. I always liked true crime as opposed to  fictionalized hour-long dramas. What real people do is so much more interesting than what scriptwriters can invent. But one thing this channel (ID) does that I find very offensive is that whenever they promote a show about female killers they always add a tone of amusement and sexuality. It's as if they think that women murdering men is almost justified, that all such murders are sexual in nature, and all murderesses are hot babes.True, lurid promotions probably help to get more viewers, but I think it's immoral to suggest that murder, any murder, is somehow lighthearted fun. In the promotion above the couple are rich and attractive, not always the case, the persons in their circle also attractive, not always the case, and the tone of the promotion suggests to me that having been jealous of this perfect couple, the neighbors were rather pleased when she murdered her husband with the oh-so-comical knife. I remind ID that these shows are about real killers, real murders, real people and to trivialize such horrible events is real tasteless. Unless you think it's hilarious that someone who was loved is dead, and the person who killed them is spending a lifetime in prison.

Recently a Washington, D.C. bakery delivered a cake for a gay female couple, but instead of the requested message they added their own anti-gay comment. In short, the baker was nuts. And I hope his or her hatred doesn't go unnoticed by intelligent customers. This is not the first time that such a cake situation has occurred. In Iowa, the owner of a bakery denied a lesbian couple a wedding cake because,
as she said. The bigot, Victoria Childress who runs her bakery from home, said, "I didn't do the cake because of my convictions for their lifestyle. It is my right, and it's not to discriminate against them, it's no so much to do with them, it's to do with my and my walk with God and what I will answer to Him for." Another of millions of examples of a wacko Christian using the excuse of religion to justify their own black hearts and hate-filled minds. Victoria, Sarah Silverman just wrote a song about what you are.

Yuck.

Some people are so lacking in any kind of intelligence, humanity, kindness, decency and honesty that all their failings are written on their face. There are many homely people who still radiate a kind of beauty because they're good people. Then there's the ugly person who, try as he might, can never appear to be even mildly appealing because his character is so flawed.

Show me the sofa.

I wouldn't call myself a philanthropist, but I do give as much as I can to charities. Mostly to animal charities. And I am often amazed at how stupid they are. Stupid because they send these lurid mailers telling the recipient how certain animals are used for experiments, or abused, or homeless and hungry and including heartbreaking photos.  How illogical. Persons who love animals and donate to charities that protect and house them are not likely to even look at a photo of an abused dog or cat. I can't even watch movies in which an animal is mistreated or killed. Years ago on the first episode of Yes, Dear they made a joke out of running over a cat. I never watched that show again. Anyway, if you want donations from me show me a dog that was once homeless but who now lives in luxury and safety. Show me a cat, not in his former alley, but on a plush sofa in a loving home. I know animals are mistreated around the world. I don't need to see why my money is needed, I need to see what is can do.

"Moses supposes his toses are roses...."

Am I naive to expect commentators on national news who are paid excellent salaries and make their living by speaking to use proper diction? I must be because almost all of the national news reports are rife with mispronunciations, slurred speech, missing or added syllables. Let's just take one example, one out of thousands. On tonight's nightly news on NBC, Lester Holt opened by discussing the "wintery" weather. Shouldn't he know it's "wintry?" In a storm report Miguel Almaguer referred to 1000 casualties and"counning". Shouldn't he know there's a "t" in that word? And in a weather section Kim Cunningham referred to weather in the "Atlannic". Shouldn't she know there's a second" t"in that word? Okay, I'm fussy. But these people make a good living out of written words. They should learn how to pronounce them. If airline pilots were as careless with navigating as these people are with speaking, we'd have crashes all of the place. Plus when English is used correctly, it sounds better.

Two blogs to remember.

I personally think my blog is entertaining, varied and fun. I don't think it's innovative or brilliant or requires much in-depth thinking. But who cares?  I enjoy writing it, many people like reading it. But there are two blogs that I read that always impress me for how trenchant (love that word) they are, and I highly recommend them to you.
One of these must-reads is http://rudepundit.blogspot.com/ which is not only super-intelligent, but it's wonderfully vulgar and always hilarious. I don't think any blog so brilliantly attacks the stupidity of Republicans than this does. Even liberal prudes will forget how offensive some of the language is they will be laughing so hard and agreeing so profoundly. The other blog also offers a liberal left-wing voice, but one that is more tempered, less X-rated. Http://mycatsaredemocrats.blogspot.com/ provides excellent insights into today's political news, and often includes Canadian-related stories. Any true Democrat will come away from reading this blog with an even greater pride of being on the right side of history and knowing even more about the evil deeds of those who aren't. Anyway, don't stop reading my attacks on advertising, manners, social idiocies, grammar, and a dozen other subjects. But do start checking out the far more edifying blogs: The Rude Pundit and My Cats are Democrats.

How many tools does it take to change a light bulb?

You wonder what goes through the minds of manufacturers. Whirlpool for instance. I bought their washer and dryer a few years ago because I was told they were the best. They seem to be very durable. But recently the bulb in the dryer went out. No problem. I looked it up on the Internet. There was a video demonstration of how to replace it. Merely remove the Phillips screw, remove the plastic panel, remove the bulb, replace it and reverse all the previous steps. Simple. Everyone has a Phillips screwdriver. So I went to the dryer armed with this most essential of tools only to discover that on my model they had used a hex screw instead, one that wouldn't budge, one that was recessed so no pliers could reach it. Hmmm. I would have to buy a screwdriver with a hex thingee on the end. But what size? I tried to make an impression of the screw with wax. It didn't work. With aluminum foil. It sort of worked. No good. I would have to buy a wrench set. Which I did: a 62 piece tool set "for home, workshop and industrial use."  Made in China, of course, which goes against my grain. After several annoying tries I found the right size hex thingee to remove the single resistant screw. What a pain in the ass! One wonders why Whirlpool didn't use a Phillips screw on this machine like all their others?  I know this a boring story, but some people actually like anecdotes like this. I happen to be one of them. And if you got this far, you must be, too.

Not a winner among them.

In the past, if you took any group of like-minded men and women, you might find one or two who had no moral compass. There would be that person or persons who was willing to lie to get their way, that rare individual who harbored a hatred for someone that preventing them from behaving in a civil manner, that family man who didn't care if he set a good example for his children. Such a person would be looked upon with scorn by his compatriots, regarded as a person of little character, certainly not someone to be cultivated and emulated. None of this holds true for today's Republican party. I can't recall a time when so many people shared the same lack of integrity, honesty, patriotism and courage. I can't remember ever seeing a group so willing to tell the same lies, vilify the same innocent people, so blatantly promote their racism, and work so hard to make sure that the poor and hungry could neither achieve success nor feed their children. These do not seem like individual men and women to me, but a group overtaken by a mass madness that has deprived them of all reason.  There is only one possible excuse for their inhumane behavior, and that is that at one point every one of these persons had a pod put under their bed.

Icons.

While there are a lot of attractive actresses today, I think Charleze Theron is the only one "drop dead gorgeous" enough star in a commercial which also features such rare and magnificent idols as Grace Kelly, Marlene Dietrich and, idol of idols,  Marilyn Monroe. Pity the creators of this dazzling commercial didn't show as much taste and style about their choice of singer and song. I find this person's voice screechy, pedestrian and not even close to worthy of these breathtaking images.

At least 25 every year.

As an ex copywriter, I can' t imagine how desperate a writer has to be to use the line, "The feel good movie of the year."

My favorite holiday film.

One film that I watch every Christmas season, in addition to Alistair Sim in A Christmas Carol, Albert Finney in  Scrooge, and Crosby and Kaye in White Christmas is my favorite of all, 1957's Desk Set. True, it's not actually a Christmas film, but it has enough of the holidays in it to qualify. What do I like about this film? Everything. I love that it's in Technicolor and CinemaScope. I marvel at the brilliance of its script by Phoebe and Henry Ephron, based on the play by William Marchant. I has a superbly talented supporting cast: Joan Blondell, Dina Merrill, Gig Young, Sue Randall and Neva Patterson. Plus it has lots of what few movies have today: moments. The moments in Hepburn's cozy apartment on a rainy afternoon. The witty exchange between Tracy and Hepburn during a chilly rooftop lunch. The moments when research maven Hepburn is on the phone imparting information about the Watusi or dramatically reading, "Curfew Shall Not Ring Tonight."  And dozens of other perfectly crafted and unforgettable scenes. And, of course, I love that is so nostalgically conveys the mood of Christmas in Midtown Manhattan in the idyllic late 1950s. Directed by Walter Lang, this taut comedy about the dawning of the computer age is a film that's always a like-new pleasure. If you haven't seen it, do.

Mrs. Doubtful.

You know what's annoying? When you hate a movie that everyone else seems to like and they can't see why you think it's so terrible. There are lots of films in this category, but right now I am thinking of Mrs. Doubtfire, which I detest. First of all I cannot, and never could, stand the mugging of Robin Williams. So I am already approaching this film with a solid prejudice. But what bothers me the most is the sheer illogic of this film. We are supposed to believe that Robin Williams manages to disguise himself as Mrs. Doubtfire at a moment's notice when the promos for the film showed us how it takes hours to get him into makeup. Now irritating people will say, "It's only a movie." which is true, but to me a movie isn't enjoyable unless there is some possibility of reality. Bringing Up Baby is only a movie, but it's also a possibility. Mrs. Doubtfire is not. I guess that's why I hate this film so much. Not so much for the overacting, the much-too-cute script, and the totally over-the-top situations, but that it's not even close to a real situation so how can I possibly get involved? But I am very much alone in this I guess because Mrs. Doubtfire was the second highest grossing film of 1993 right after Jurassic Park, which was much likely to happen.

Guess what's in every issue?

I don't have a scanner so I can't show you the ad that annoyed me today (not in the above publication). You'll just have to visualize it.  It's from AARP and it shows a woman grooming a Golden Retriever. The headline is, "Unconditional Trust Makes a Stronger Bond." Now maybe it's me, but I find this headline idiotic. It's like saying, "Millions of dollars makes a richer man". Duh. If you have unconditional trust, I don't see how you can have a stronger bond. That's it. Needed to vent.

Note: As long as I'm complaining about AARP, let me add this. Their magazine, shown above, has more damn inserts in it than any other publication in the world. Recipients could probably spend a full afternoon removing them, that is if they're not too depressed seeing actors like those above shown in what is supposed to be a delightful decline.

Should he have said, "feculate"?

In a recent controversy Joe "Better than thou" Scarborough was outraged when fellow MSNBC host Martin Bashir suggested that someone should shit in Sarah Palin's mouth. Naturally Bashir had to apologize for his comments to calm the self-righteous and sanctimonious Scarborough. In a way I think Bashir was wrong. For one thing, Sarah Palin already has so much shit coming out of her mouth, there seems to be an endless supply, so I don't know why anyone would need to add to it.  And secondly, I am annoyed with Bashir for giving Joe yet another opportunity to act as if he, Joe, never utters his own inappropriate comments.

Note: You will note that I chose to illustrate this post with Martin Bashir, whom I admire, rather than with the dour Joe Scarborough whom I don't. Also I wasn't up to looking at Joe's John Wayne face with its incongruous W.C. Fields nose.

Unachievable goals.

I've been a member of HuffPost since 2005, whatever that means. Because I know I never had to sign in or provide a password. Anyway over those years I have submitted 9,267 comments and accumulated 142 friends, which probably isn't that many. Still it was fun to comment on the stories, ridicule idiots like Sarah Palin and Michele Bachmann,  get compliments from fans, and marvel at the lewd nastiness of the attacks from Republican foes. But those days seem to be over. HuffPost is not the same as it was. For one thing it seems to be leaning more to the right, seems to attack Obama more, and has far more animal abuse stories than I can stomach. And they no longer seem to welcome "comments" instead they have a request following each article to "start a conversation".  However, every time I've done that I get the feeling that my conversation starter never went through, at least I never saw it again, unlike the 9,267 comments I made. Oh, well. It's been my experience that almost any time a company like HuffPost makes improvements, the quality of the product begins to sink.  That seems to be happening here, so I guess I'll never reach the 10,000 comments mark.

Great demo.

Generally I think Xfinity commercials are pretty lame. But this one was funny. Especially since it answered the question I had: How difficult is it to move the so-called wireless receiver from U-verse.
The only change I would make is to not have the boy make the comment at the end that he thinks the situation is amusing, but rather have the family continue to remain silent and dumbfounded.

What'a vulgar four-letter word for buyer's remorse?

I like crossword puzzles. They're very relaxing. And, as I always say, I would rather have a tough puzzle I couldn't finish than an easy one where you just fill in the spaces. Which is why I was pleased yesterday when I bought this book of rather difficult puzzles. However, as soon as I got it home I realized I had wasted $7.95. This book is designed so poorly that it is incredibly difficult to read the clues and do the puzzle at the same time since they are on opposing pages, unlike most puzzles which are on the same page. So, in order to complete the puzzle, one has to do a balancing act and be constantly glancing back and forth across the ring-binding.  I know it sounds odd, but puzzle fans will know what I mean.

What did Sarah say?

Well Sarah Silverman certainly broke a major taboo on the Internet this week. How? By singing a song she apparently wrote about divas. Well actually not about divas, but about those who think of themselves in such terms. According to Sarah, there's a better word for what many of them are. I don't disagree, but I won't be posting her song on my blog because the verboten word that she and her chorus sing thirty times or more was one that I reserve for the most egregious and repulsive women like Sarah Palin, Michele Bachman, Ann Coulter, and that ilk.

"Obama's Approval Ratings Hit New Low After Health  Care Rollout"

The above is the headline on HuffPost regarding Obama's ratings due to the recent cockups with signing up for healthcare. Gee, I guess Obama must be real sorry that he's not a fortune teller and, in trying to secure health care for everyone, he didn't know that the website would be a disaster. I wonder if he realized how bloody ungrateful much of the American public can be. Since they didn't get exactly what they wanted it at the very moment they wanted it, many are whining and bitching and taking it out on the one person who cared about their well-being and in doing so are handing ammunition to all those people (Republicans) who never wanted them to have affordable health care in the first place. For eight horrible years Americans put up with a moronic court jester who ruined our economy, murdered thousands of our armed forces and helped create enemies for us all over the world. Now that we have a decent, hard-working, super-intelligent president all I seem to hear from many totally ungrateful Americans is, "waaa, waaa, waaaa".

Separated at birth.

Bingo!

When O.J. Simpson got away with a double homicide, we knew it was just a matter of time before this thug was arrested for some other crime and behind bars. The same holds true for George Zimmerman. So far he has avoided prison and gotten away with cold-blooded murder, spousal abuse and domestic violence with a new girlfriend. But one of these days the news will report that he has a committed a crime, been arrested and given a prison term and we will not be the least surprised.

Enhance or detract?

One of the things I really don't get are tattoos. As a child I remember seeing them on military people and thugs and circus performers. But today you see them on everyday people, men, women, teens. And not just a rose on one's shoulder, but tattoos that completely cover one's arms, chest, neck, legs, and, I am sure, areas which are not visible. Many people have bible phrases written on their bodies. These people scare me as do all zealots.  Others have famous literary statements or words of their own which they think deserve a permanent place on their youthful neck which will one day become a wrinkled wattle. Still others have foreign expressions or  Chinese symbols which they are always happy to translate. I admit there is a certain sexuality about some tattoos, but more often than not they seem like neurotic exhibitionism. It's sort of like wearing the same shirt or dress every day of your life. And what happens when you become at 32 a more mature person than you were at 23 when you wallpapered your body? Tattoo removal, I am told, is expensive, painful and disfiguring. I am not really bothered by this sudden trend to tattooing, just perplexed. It's your body. Do with it what you like. Hmmm. I wonder why Republicans haven't leapt on an an anti-tattoo bandwagon.

A dummy response.

One of the most annoying things about doing crossword puzzles in books is when the creator is wrong, you have nobody to complain to. For instance today a clue was "bespectacled ventriloquist's dummy".
I knew that Charlie McCarthy wore a monocle. Is that being bespectacled? I didn't think so. Jerry Mahoney didn't wear glasses. Madame, as old as she was didn't. It turned out their answer was the totally incorrect Snerd. Mortimer Snerd did not wear glasses. Now I paid $8.95 for this book of Mental Floss crossword puzzles  by Matt Gaffney. Does that mean that many other answers are incorrect? I doubt it. I rarely see what I recognize as a mistake. Still it would be nice to have someone to berate. which is a six-letter word for scold, rebuke, reprimand, reproach, reprove, admonish, chide, and upbraid.

I saw a Broward Health commercial tonight in which they said "athetletes". Its amazing to me that when so many people are involved in a commercial that an error like that can go through. But I couldn't find that spot. However, in looking at this commercial, I was stunned by a misspell in one of the art cards. Like I say, It's incredible that an error like that can go through with so many people involved.

They're at it again.

Republicans are comparing Obamacare to Hurricane Katrina. That certainly shows how far they've slipped in the sanity department. For one thing, why would they want to remind us of what a cock up the Republican response to Katrina was? Who cares? I'm glad they did. And what exactly is the comparison. Katrina was a natural disaster in which hundreds died, many were left homeless, and some were even murdered. Obamacare is an attempt to provide health care to all Americans that is running into unanticipated snags which are unfortunate, but in no way deliberate. There was nothing positive about Katrina. There is a lot positive about Obamacare. But why even discuss this absurd comparison? That seems to be all that Republicans can do these days is insist that one thing is just like another when there isn't even the slightest hint of similarity.

Note: I'd spend more time on this issue, but I'm busy planning my vacation. I can't decide whether to go to Paris, France, or Dubuque, Iowa.

A okay.

I don't care what Alec Baldwin does or what he says. He's one celebrity I love unconditionally. I love his talent. I love his temper. I love his politics. I love his passion. And I don't believe for a single moment he's homophobic. I think he's just one of those loose cannons who tosses out the epithet he thinks will sting the most. I love the way the press always seems to be playing "gotcha" with him, while they give a pass to all kinds of inflammatory and dangerous nitwits like Sarah Palin. I suspect that when Baldwin yelled at his kid, she was being a super brat. I'm guessing that Kim Basinger was a raging pain in the ass. And even if they weren't, I don't care. Like I said, Alec can do no wrong. Sadly a trigger temper often accompanies a raging talent.

The other Liz

Most of the time being retired is incredibly boring. Also puzzling. After 40 successful years in advertising with major successes like Carnival's "We've Got the Fun" campaign and Leona Helmsley's
"Why Should You?" ads, you would think somebody would call for freelance. But, alas, no. Anyway today I don't care. Because this afternoon there are four—count them four—Lizabeth Scott films on Turner Classic Movies. What a feast! Pitfall (1948), Easy Living (1949), The Company She Keeps(1951), The Racket 1951. That face. That voice. Couldn't be happier. So if you're a company seeking greater profits and you've heard what a  brilliant copywriter I am, don't call today.

Note: She was every bit as good as I remember her. I even got a bonus: another one of my all-time favorite actresses, Jane Greer, playing against type as the bad girl of the piece, the role usually reserved for Ms. Scott.

The new star system.

"I Love Lucy" star dies at 94. That was the headline on HuffPost for the death of Shirley Mitchell, the comedic actress who played Lucy's friend. Marion Strong, on I Love Lucy Lucy. Now I remember this actress very well and delighted she had such a long and, I'm guessing, productive life. But she was not a star. I really find it annoying that any actor who has any kind of a regular part in any tv series is referred to as a star. In the past, the star was the lead, the name, the top banana. There were four stars on I Love Lucy and we all know who they were. If we use HuffPost logic, then we can also say that I Love Lucy starred Hans Conreid, Richard Crenna, Harpo Marx, Van Johnson and dozens of others.

A letter about Sarah,

It's very easy for people like me to criticize Sarah Palin. There's so much to find fault with, and almost nothing to praise. (After all, she didn't design her glasses.) But one must accept that others have a high opinion of this ridiculous woman. This, for instance, was one of many letters sent praising her during her governorship. Only problem is that this letter, like so many others was written by Sarah Palin. 

Dear Editor:

It's been a pleasure watching our life-long Alaskan gal, Sarah Palin, campaign for governor these past six months. I am impressed with her leadership skills, experience, ethics, and energy. And I'm most impressed with how she communicates her message that is connecting with so many Alaskans. Sarah tells it like it is and is obviously not your typical politician. She doesn't just go with the flow or test the waters with political polls before taking action. It's clear Sarah is committed to just doing the right thing, even if her Republican Party bosses try to punish her for it," 

Note: We know that Sarah can write a letter, especially one praising herself. But I doubt very much if she could ever write an actual speech, much less a book. So one wonders who is her ghost. Since she eventually alienates everyone, the day will come when she pisses off her alter-ego writer, and that will be a fabulous news story.

Maybe you have to be drunk.

Advertising today is about as witless as it's ever been. It would seem that agencies feel they can just make any statement about any product and the consumer will read into it some meaning that is not, and was never, there. This Absolut poster is the perfect example. In this ridiculous version, it reads, "Believe in your own story" whatever that means. But in a huge nearby bus poster with the same image, the headline is "Transform today"  and even more obtuse line. What does it mean? :Drink Absolut, get drunk, and transform into someone obnoxious?"  "Drink Absolut and become brighter and more interesting? "Or just,  "Drink Absolut and you won't be the loser who drinks Thunderbird wine?" I assume that, like the sour-pussed men in most male fashion ads, this scowling, spread-legged model (am I supposed to recognize him?) is supposed to be cool. Maybe I'm out of touch with the way people think today, but I cannot imagine how this absurdly meaningless ad is supposed to make me rush out to buy Absolut vodka as opposed to some other brand that may not allow me to "believe in my own story" or, even better,  "transform today."

Not her best friend.

The idiocy on TV news is astounding. One of the most frequently silly persons is Diane Sawyer. (She who pronounces every two-syllable word with three syllables.)Tonight in delivering a news story about a fabulous diamond, she showed—appropriately—Marilyn Monroe singing, "Diamonds Are a Girl's Best Friend." What was not appropriate was Sawyer saying that "somewhere Marilyn is smiling tonight" because of this recently discovered flawless diamond. How stupid. Just because Marilyn sang a song about diamonds doesn't mean she had any interest in diamonds. As a matter of fact she didn't. Marilyn was surprisingly not interested in wealth, image.  luxury, and jewelry. For Sawyer to suggest that the very modest and unpretentious Marilyn was obsessed with diamonds was not only inaccurate it was plain stupid.

The winner and still champion.

Big Deal.The Council on Tall Buildings and Urban Habitat, considered a world authority on super sized skyscrapers, announced at simultaneous news conferences in New York and Chicago, that it considers the new Freedom Tower the tallest building in America, beating out the previous record holder, the Willis Tower in Chicago. Bullshit. That's only because they have decided to count the spire on top of the Freedom Tower as part of its height. Couldn't agree less. That's merely a decorative metal addition that shouldn't be included in the final tally. What should count is space which people can occupy. In which case the 110-story Willis Tower still beats out the 104-story Freedom Tower by six stories. So, if I were you Chicago, I would say "screw you" to the Council and continue to claim having the tallest building in America,because you do. 

The missing LinkedIn.

While the Internet offers many annoyances, one of the most irritating is LinkedIn. Every week I get requests from friends past and present to connect with them on LinkedIn. I have no idea what LinkedIn is. I do not use it. Am sure it would be of no value to me, and of no more interest to me than FaceBook or Twitter. And since Comcast has screwed up my e-mail for almost a month now, I cannot easily tell these people that I am unable to fulfill their request.

The "Q" Word.

I don't know why so many people think queer is a perfectly acceptable synonym for homosexual. I personally find it every bit as offensive as the "n: word and cringe every time I hear it used. I for one don't think of myself as "queer", which by its very definition means "odd, singular, strange.: I realize that many gay people, like many black people, take a special pleasure in using towards themselves a word that was used against them by the those persons who hated, or hate, them the most. I don't understand this kind of verbal masochism. I do appreciate that, for some bizarre reason, and because of a television series, many straight people think that the word queer is perfectly acceptable. I hope if they read this they will appreciate that is not the case with everyone. Having complained about this before, I was told by some gays that it was uptight and rigid of me. If they are comfortable being referred to be an epithet that is "chiefly a slang term of contempt and derision"* then I would suggest they have not yet totally come to terms with their right to dignity and respect.

*Webster's New World College Dictionary.

"Clang, clang, clang went the trolley."

Most major American cities seem to be continually updating their transit system. But Miami seems to have taken the opposite tack, at least on the popular route I take: 24. They are now replacing the comfortable upholstered-seat buses with clackety trolleys whose wooden benches are not only amazingly uncomfortable, but incredibly slippery. Since they seem to make more stops than the buses which they are slowly—and I do mean slowly—replacing, they take longer to get from point A to point B. As if the discomfort weren't unpleasant enough, it would seem that the drivers are allowed to play their favorite kind of music. You probably have guessed that this does not include Vivaldi or Gershwin, but repetitive rap, loud rock, and in many cases Latin radio stations. So if you are one of the rare commuters in Miami who likes to read, you are out of luck. I also don't think the handicapped will be pleased, as it is more difficult to get on these trolleys, they have no back door in the event of an emergency and the constant rumbling must be even more annoying in a wheelchair.  So while Metro Los Angeles operates the largest compressed natural gas fleet of buses in the United States, and more and more cities are replacing tired old fleets with comfortable, sleek,  fuel-efficient transportation for today's generation, Miami offers its commuters the kind of buses that would have seemed incredibly modern in 1948.

Note: Not wishing to be considered anything like Rand Paul, I would like to credit this headline to Hugh Martin and Ralph Blane from their brilliant "The Trolley Song" featured in Meet Me In St. Louis.

Second note: I am sure some people seeing this photo will say, "how adorable". Perhaps, but not for a daily 35-minute commute between one's home and office to a rock song whose single lyric is repeated at least 16 times.

Tension.

There are a lot of good films, but there aren't many perfect ones. But I just saw one that I would consider flawless: Bad Day at Black Rock. This 1955 film directed by John Sturges is riveting from the opening credits against a train racing across the desert to Andre Previn's poundng score. Everything is excellent, from the spare set of the lazy western town, to the gorgeous cinematography by William C. Mellor, to the pervasive sense of menace as Spencer Tracy tries to unravel the mystery of Black Rock. And what a cast: Tracy, Robert Ryan, Lee Marvin, Anne Francis, Dean Jagger, Walter Brennan, and Ernest Borgnine in his most menacing role since From Here to Eternity. If you haven't seen this film, rent it. Don't watch a version that isn't letterboxed, and don't watch it on commercial tv with 500 commercials. Hate to sound so pretentious, but this film is an essential if you truly love movies.

A most ridiculous person.

Probably the most hilarious example of the lazy media, the thing that proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that print, broadcast,  and Internet news are all ultimately suspect is Sarah Palin. The idea that she is quoted at all is hysterical. The fact that the media actually believes this near illiterate has written a book, much less several books,  is comical beyond belief. The idea that anyone quotes from a speech allegedly written by Sarah Palin is rolling on-the-floor funny.This is a woman who doesn't read a newspaper or a magazine, a cypher whose one-time future son-in-law reported that her children did all the housework while she watched bridal shows and soap operas. This is a heartless killer of innocent animals, a mangler of the English language, a person who promoted Alaska seceding from the Union, an ex beauty queen and failed weather girl, a frequently sued ex-Governor of Alaska who couldn't serve out her term, a pseudo-Christian who persecuted a "witch" and had an adulterous affair with her husband's business partner, a vindictive shrew who conducted a vicious vendetta against her brother-in-law, and  a harridan who is the heroine of thousands of half-wits. Now there's nothing wrong with her being all these things. There are lots of ignorant impostors all over American. It's not a crime to be vacuous , lazy, and deceitful. The crime is the American media covering this absurd creature as if she were actual person.

Serial Killers.

Thanksgiving is a joyous time in most American homes. But there is certain unchangeable sadness in all those homes where someone is missing, someone who would still be at the table again this year if they hadn't been murdered in the fake Iraq War. Someone young who would have married, had children, arrived on Thanksgiving. or days before, filled with enthusiasm, adding to the spirit of the holiday.  There are almost 4,500 such family members who are still missed and mourned all over the country. They were all murdered by four serial killers. These killers have never paid for their crimes, never admitted blame, and are all  still living in luxury, subjects of fame and admiration, despite the fact that they sent thousands of innocent men and women to early deaths for no reason at all, other than their own egos and stupidity. The lazy media refuses to acknowledge the crimes of these serial killers and still quotes them as if they were respectable citizens, even writes admiring articles about each of these despicable war criminals. But there is no question they are killers. They knowingly created a false war and then sent America's most patriotic young people to fight it. Thousands of those young people died with bullets in their brains and hearts, in flames, in plane and helicopter crashes, in explosions from I.E.D.s and even in hand-to-hand combat with the non-enemy who should never have been invaded.  They died terrible deaths that their families cannot stop imagining. Yet their killers don't give a thought to what they have done.  If you see them on the news, you can be certain they are smiling, being pampered at some elegant function, luxuriating in praise and attention and not seeming to regret for a single second the unforgivable horror they have visited on so many American families and for which they will never be punished.

Unlikely couple.

This week there was an article in HuffPost suggesting that if you only see one film this fall, make it When Harry Met Sally. The author, unnamed, described it as "the perfect movie to curl up with while the leaves fall." Like everyone else, I saw this film when it came out, and I recall almost nothing about it, except that I found it—like most romantic comedies—predictable and insipid. What I do recall, because it is played so often, is the delicatessen scene, which I found unbelievable at the time and still do. I can't imagine why anyone thinks this absurd scene is so comical when it is so unlikely, so out of character, and so stupid. And even if it weren't so obviously made up, it would be incredibly rude and I would find the young woman (Meg Ryan) crude and narcissistic.  Bad enough people think this fake orgasm hilarious (not), but they also think the other customer's comment,"I'll have what she's having." hysterical when it's such a non sequitur. I think I resent this movie most because it reminds me of how little it takes to manipulate the average movie-goer, which is why we don't have more intelligent romances like Brief Encounter, which even Nora Ephron referred to reverentially in her slightly less dippy effort, Sleepless in Seattle. 

Unrelated note:  While I doubt that I have met more than two actual Harrys in my entire life, the movies and tv are populated with thousands of of them. When Harry Met Sally, Harry and Tonto, Harold and Maude, etc. Why is this name such a popular cliche?

The future Sound of Musak.

I will never understand why producers feel they have to make new versions of films or tv shows that are already beloved classics. If you must remake something, there are a lot of duds around that could use reworking. But Sound of Music? You must be nuts. I don't know who Carrie Underwood is, but I'm sure she's talented. But she's not Julie Andrews. And a three-hour NBC special this December with 850,000 commercials is not the wide-screen no-interruptions epic that we have all come to love. We have already seen the tepid remake of Bye Bye Birdie with Jason Alexander (yawn) and the so-so redo of The Music Man with Matthew Broderick (eh!) They play. They are forgotten. But these producers, in their arrogance, think they can add something new. They never do. Unless you think anachronisms like Audra McDonald as an Austrian nun is new.

Note: Actually I have to admit that the annual showing of the film The Sound of Music pulls in a large audience. I can't imagine why since there are commercials ever ten seconds and it isn't even shown in widescreen so the viewers are only seeing part of the picture anyway and cheating their children out of something special. Break down! Rent the movie.

If there's one thing I'm sick of, it's signing in and using passwords. It's exhausting living in a paranoid world. I doubt very much if I will ever purchase another item or service from anyone who requires me to sign in and provide a password, especially when they specify it must have six vowels, one number, and a character, you know, like $. And I know that I will immediately stop communicating with any Internet site that asks me to type out a captcha. What a depressing world we live in. Everybody is terrified of being ripped off or cheated in some way. Companies won't  provide headquarter addresses anymore. You can't even write a civilized letter to criticize or praise a company. And for celebrities the days of fan mail are over: unless you write to the post office box in China that forwards it to the secret address in Wisconsin that eventually sends it to the agent's niece in California who may or may not get it to the star. And without fan mail how do you know how you're going over. You don't. Which is probably why so many celebs are so lackluster these days. No feedback.

Note: What idiot invented captchas ? And why do so many other idiots think they are an effective means of rooting out non-persons. More often than not, you cannot read the damn things, in which case the provider will pop up another equally indiscernible captcha for your annoyance. I would guess companies have lost more business from customers pissed off by captchas than they ever gained by their use.

McCain's Unrequited Lover.

As Americans we are entitled to intelligent, thoughtful, reasoned politicians, gay or straight, male or female. So many of the people we have in power are a disgrace, notably this bitchy little closet case. Running with a false 60-Minutes story, Lindsay was vowed to veto any Obama appointment, whether it has anything to do with foreign policy or not. This is the action of a vicious little shrew, the kind of petty, petulant, unhappy old auntie we do not need in Congress.

The death of "a moment's notice."

Impetuousity is dead. It died because nobody can afford it anymore. There is no such thing as "spur of the moment" these days, because it would be too costly. You have to book airline tickets weeks, maybe months in advance. If you don't get to use them, you lose the money. Why? Because we Americans are complete saps and give into these insane rules. I happen to hate flying and often take the train. The Amtrak price seems to go up every passing day, so if you don't book six years in advance, it becomes very expensive. The trip from Miami to New York is about 26 hours. Try doing that in a seat next to a stranger. You can't. You have to reserve a roomette or sleeper, which are wildly overpriced. I always ask the other passengers if they take the train because they're afraid of flying. They always insist, that, no, they like taking the train. Sure who wouldn't like spending 26 hours on a rattle-trap train.  But it's not just trains. It's everything. Unless you're a millionaire, you can't just suddenly decide to go on a trip,
book a flight , a train, a cruise. We're supposed to be a can-do nation, but I wonder what other country's
citizens allow themselves to pushed around and financially bullied as much as we do.