The true spirit of Disney!

I don't believe in buying water any more than I believe in buying air. Especially since the purchasable waters are often not from the center of the earth so much as the center of Cleveland. Thus I am always amazed at how readily people will spend $1.00 to $2.00 for something that's no more pure than what you can get from a tap, free. Which leads us to Disney World. Not only is everything overpriced in the happiest place on earth, but it's obscenely overpriced. A bottle of water at my hotel's restaurant and convenience store was $4.00. A cup of coffee was $3.49. At least the cup was. You had to purchase an empty cup before you could fill it with coffee. What they didn't tell me was that the cup was refillable, thus I, fool that I am, purchased a new cup every morning. But then Disney is designed to make happy tourists open their wallets and overpay for food, liquor, souvenirs, ears , caricatures, and the privilege of staying at one of their costly resorts. We stayed at the Wild Kingdom, which was a great looking, drum-beating, Africa-themed hotel in which one's room faced out on their spacious animal habitat. It was a joy in the morning to see giraffes, and all those antelopes nobody can actually name. But the pricey room wasn't any bigger or more luxurious than most 4-star hotels, and actually had fewer amenities. I think Disney punishes people who don't eat at their most expensive restaurants, because I didn't and had some of the worst meals of my life, notably at the Wild Kingdom where I had an inedible $22.00 breakfast. So, yes, Disney is fun. But, no, it is no the happiest place on earth.The Magic Kingdom, for instance, has become really tacky and has shows like one called Snitch that is anything but imagineering. Still, I must admit I enjoyed myself, but that's because I didn't buy any rip-off priced figurines from China, tee-shirts from China, flip-flops from China, Americana from China, or bottled water from who knows where.

Ooops.

This morning, on the way the bus stop, I stepped into the deep hole or a Miami water meter without its cover. Fortunately I didn't hurt anything, though the situation was ripe with possibilities of a sprained ankle or worse. It occurred to me that the next accident victim might not be so lucky, but there was nothing around for me to cover the hole or even signal its existence. As it turned out, I didn't have to wait for a bus; a good friend stopped to give me a lift. She also gave me a paper bag to at least flag the dangerous hole while she called 311 ( our useless number for community problems). The girl who took the call was about as dense as she could possibly be, but assured us the problem would be handled immediately. We felt we did as much as we could. That was at 7:30 am. When I went back to the location at 2:30 pm,nothing had been done (typical for Miami). This time I called the Water & Sewer Department. The somewhat more competent responder assured me he would get it taken care of. I wonder. I'll find out tomorrow when I get the bus. I know one thing. If I hear of anyone suing the city for injuries suffered by that uncovered hole, they will have a very vocal champion in me.

Note: No, this urban setting is not where I tripped. But the hole I tripped into looks just like that. You could argue, I should look where I'm going. But I don't expect to have a 15-inch deep hold in their path. Would you?

Why do I watch Boardwalk Empire?  It's dark, heartless, populated by despicable characters and suffers the same flaw that The Sopranos did: the need to top themselves in disgusting and often over-the-top violence. But, unfortunately, it's also very well done and while not as compelling as in earlier seasons, it's still can't-turn-away fascinating. Of course I constantly remind myself that it is probably written by a bunch of ivy league suburban creative softies who love playing at being tough guys and use these violent plots to work out some angers they had against past foes or ex wives. This week was a particularly sick episode in that for revenge two students (one Nucky's nephew) added a chemical combo of linoleic acid and magnesium hydroxide to a rival student's whiskey which not only made him violently diarrhetic, but—surprise—killed him. Who dreams up this kind of scatalogical ugliness? Boardwalk Empire is well-written, well-acted, well-directed, and beautifully filmed. But it's still an offensive and sadistic guilty pleasure. It's yet another example of America's absolute and seemingly growing obsession with crime and violence. And there I am every Sunday.

The happiest place on earth?

I'm back. Sorry there have been no posts for a week. I was on vacation at Walt Disney World and Universal Studios. And you can be sure I'll have a lot or cranky comments about both. So, keep checking out out this site. I'll be back in business starting tomorrow.

"Shut up. Can't you see I'm reading!"

Apparently Comcast, whom I detest, reads my blog. Every time I bitch about them someone from that company writes me a note of apology or reconciliation. Good. Then pay attention because what I really hate is when I am reading a story or article and suddenly Comcast intrudes with some kind of unwelcome and irritating audio message. This requires me to turn the volume down on my computer, which I should not have to do because you people are such inconsideration idiots. Since I can't accept that I am the only person in the United States who is wildly annoyed by this intrusion, Comcast would be wise to review this stupid procedure and do away with it.

Sour note.

If there is any jingle ever written that makes one leap for the mute button, this is it. I'm not quite sure what this cacophonous and strident tune and this girl's irritating voice is supposed to inspire, but it just suggests to me chaos, loss of control, and all kinds of people I hope I never meet.  Also how desperate do you have to be to name a car the Versa Note?  Is that supposed to mean something?

The Polident Brothers.

In a country of 313 million people, it would be real hard to choose which ones were the creepiest, but these two are major candidates. The Koch Brothers are about the freakiest two multi-millionaires you will ever hear about. Despite having everything that would make a sane person happy, they are filled with hatred:  for Obama, the Democrats, the poor, the needy, anyone who isn't a Republican or in their financial stratum. They only passion they have is to make more and more money and use it to batter America into what they think it should be.  Though they are not young men, they are both devoting what's left of their pathetic lives to bring down our country, pollute the environment and fund causes that pretend there is no pollution in the environment. Being racists, they detest Obama and malign him at ever opportunity. While we  all would like to be wealthy, I don't think it would be worth it if you had to have the kind of demented personalities and sick view of the world that afflict these two ghouls.

Did you know that Boulder Dam and Hoover Dam are the same damn dam?

Hoover Dam spans the Colorado River in Black Canyon between Arizona and Nevada, some 30 miles southeast of Las Vegas Nevada. Constructed in the 1930s, it was originally known as Boulder Dam, but was renamed in 1947 in honor of Herbert Hoover, who as U.S. secretary of commerce and the 31st U.S. president proved instrumental in getting the dam built. At 726 feet high and 1,244 feet long, Hoover Dam was one of the largest man-made structures in the world at the time of its construction, and one of the world's largest producers of hydroelectric power.

A human mold.

This asshole, who is the richest man in Congress, recently blocked a mother of two daughters with cancer from testifying how she benefited from Obamacare. Why?  Because while Darrell Issa is a multimillionaire, he has absolutely no use for people who cannot afford medical coverage. The fact that his background includes car theft and arson doesn't in any way make him feel less arrogant and cold-hearted. It is a national disgrace that such cretins have any say at all in our government.

America's most tasteless cereal.

If this isn't the most insipid commercial ever, it's certainly in the running. Suggesting that an over-priced oat cereal makes you feel closer to a departed relative is about as low as an advertiser can sink. But this repulsive promotion is just one more reason to dislike General Mills. I already think they're the most dishonest advertiser next to Bayer Aspirin. In their campaigns they are constantly proclaiming  that Cheerios will lower your cholesterol, which is a major exaggeration. For decades their offensive commercials aimed at children showed a cartoon youngster having a bowl of Cheerios and then displaying superhuman powers with the slogan "He's feeling his Cheerios." Not only were they shamelessly deceptive, they were chauvinistic as well.

Another American slaughterfest.

I like Brad Pitt. I think he's a very admirable person and an excellent actor. So I cannot understand why he would choose to be in a piece of trash like World War Z. This basically plotless film is a gratuitous bloodfest from the opening scenes till shortly before the insipid climax. It's an endless series of riots, savage attacks, terrifying chases, innocent people suddenly being turned into terrifying zombies, blood, blood, and more blood. It's your typical American film: violent, heartless, creepy, high-budget bedlam,  cinematic chaos, scenic savagery.  It has no value, no significant storyline, no heart, no reason for being made other than to freak out viewers who for some reason love this kind of predictable shit. And ultimately it's pathetic and not even as compelling as The Walking Dead.  I have learned that if a film is being shown on HBO, it's probably not very good, although most are not likely to be as bad as World War Z, which is disturbing not only because it's so violent and ugly, but also because it stars an important actor who one assumed had more sense.

Note: Everything today is non-stop action, special effects and endless noise. I wonder why they can't make suspenseful, well-plotted, quiet,well acted, bloodless thrillers like Coma anymore.

"Not tonight."

This commercial has been running for awhile. But a good friend brought it to my attention again and I think it's very moving. Johnson and Johnson has done some excellent spots in praise of nurses. This is just one of them.

Words from a self-proclaimed Christian.

Michele Bachmann said,  "...if anyone will not work, neither should he eat."

Talk about torn.

I really detest and despise and loathe the Disney Corporation. Yet I really love and enjoy Disney World. So as much as a hate giving a dime to these greedy bastards, I have a great time visiting all their theme parks. Of course I also plan to spend time at Universal, which isn't the odious fraud that Disney is. What's wrong with Disney? Everything.They pretend to love children and they do: rich children whose parents are fortunate enough to be able to take them to this wildly costly theme park. Poor children can just dream about the possibility. They release their videos periodically for a short period of time and charge outrageous prices for them, proof positive they have no interest in bringing joy to children just making a bundle on some films that are as old as I am (71). Every ride and adventure at Disney World deposits you in yet another store filled with Disney memorabilia, reminding you that their only raison d'etre is to make more and more money. Everything at Disney that could cost far less and still make them a huge profit is priced to the max. There is no area where they aren't squeezing out every possible dime from every visitor to their park. All the while they act as if they created Cinderella, Snow White, Peter Pan, Sleeping Beauty, etc. instead of just kidnapping them for their financial value.  One doesn't feel that Disney World is run by caring human beings, but by profit-driven automatons and an army of smiling robotic youngsters whom Dave Barry called "The cheerful incompetents". Well, it won't be long before I head for Disney World again, but, as always, I will go armed with the one thing that I know will make these avaricious moguls angry, uncomfortable, and hostile: chewing gum.

Why does anyone care?

Just saw another one of those idiotic articles. This one was, Is Jake Gyllenhaal gay? Who cares" And, frankly, my personal gaydar tells me not a chance.  Sadly every handsome and talented actor has to be subjected to this stupid question. Who starts it?  Those who are jealous and start rumors they hope will hurt a successful actor's career. And gay men themselves expressing their never-to-be-realized fantasy. How annoying it must be for the actors. Especially when you're being so labelled because you play a gay man in a movie. In this case Brokeback Mountain, which was entertaining and unbelievable. I'm sure many people will be annoyed with me when I comment that a woman wrote it and it shows. Of course almost every critic and film reviewer who writes about it refers to Ennis Del Mar and Jack Twist as cowboys, which they weren't.  Grin and bear it Jake and Ben and Matt and George and all you other talented and handsome young actors.  The lazy, lazy media has a whole list of easy stories to create and this is one of their favorites.

See how they run. See how they run.

Despite being a copywriter for 40 years, I am completely mystified by the logic of many of today's campaigns. One of the most perplexing is the Kia campaign. If I wanted to promote a boxy looking car and suggest that it was roomier and more elegant than it is, I wouldn't use hamsters. I can't imagine saying, "The perfect way to get people to buy this car is by using giant rodents. You see what we'll do is show them as fat and disgusting working out in a gym, and by the end of the commercial they're all slimmed down and in tuxedos, you know rats with lots of sex appeal. And they'll arrive at a premier in a lettuce-green Kia. It's brilliant!" Sorry, but rodents, even in tuxes, are repulsive.

A most inappopriate word.

The lazy news media says a lot of really stupid things. Considering that they have secured well-paid national jobs, one would expect them to have better grammar, better pronunciation, and more common sense about language. But one of the dumber things they say, and not infrequently, is a single completely inappropriate word. Jonathan Karl on ABC News just used this word. He was telling George Stephanopolous that he had just heard two gunshot sounds at the White House, after which the Secret Service tackled the shooter, but Karl didn't know who the
"gentleman" was. I doubt very much if a person who fires a gun at the White House and has to be brought down by government agents is a "gentlemen". A dumb epithet and one used all to often by the ignorant media. One often hears during the trial of a serial killer that the "gentlemen" seemed to be without remorse. Or one may hear that an entire family was murdered by so and such but the "gentleman" has escaped the authorities. Come on. You don't have to be a genius to know a criminal is a not a "gentleman".

Get out your hankies.

Very soon now there is going to be a major motion picture. It will be an all-star event and you will be encouraged to go because it's based on a play that won the Pulitzer Prize and the adoration of critics everywhere. I saw it it in New York with Estelle Parsons, who was brilliant, and spent $120.00 for my seat, more than I ever paid. I saw it again in Miami with a well-acted production locally. The play, you may have guessed is called August: Osage County, and it might surprise you to that I think it's really just an overwrought soap opera. I won't go into the dozens of reasons I think this is really the most overrated play of our time, but I will mention just one thing that drives me wild. The main character, who will be played brilliantly by Meryl Streep is suffering from mouth cancer.  Now, not being a doctor, I would think that was painful. But obviously not,  since this character never stops talking.  Remember this post because I'm sure almost everyone who sees this film will not agree with me in the slightest. I still think it's a soap opera.

Cash cows.

Being middle-class, I have a reasonably good health plan. Of course I don't understand how it works, and never read the statements that show up every month. But apparently I've reached that gap people speak of with such horror. And I can see why. Unfortunately the only thing that works for my chronic heartburn is Nexium. Just my luck that the makers of Nexium are greedy pigs. I thought it was expensive when I paid $75.00 for three months supply. But today I learned that, being in the gap,  the price has jumped to $280.00 or over $3.00 a pill. I find it impossible to believe that Nexium couldn't sell their pills for $1.00 each and still make a killing. But then next to oil companies, pharmaceuticals are the greediest ghouls in our economy. While I hate being ripped off like this, I at least can afford it. I feel really sorry for those persons who can't and are the victims of these heartless, money-grubbing manufacturers,

The man on the street.

I would love to have seen the client presentation for this Vonage campaign. "Yeah, our concept is to have as a spokesman a dirty, smelly street person.. You know snarly hair, that probably has lice, mismatched clothing that doesn't quite fit, a half-hearted tie.  Someone who looks homeless and a little demented. He'd talk about the Vonage coverage, but at the same time he would look like he couldn't afford to have a phone of his own, or know anybody he could call. We think that's the image that Vonage should go for."

Now do you remember?

This commercial is one of the better Metropolis ripoffs. Ironically, it was a Super Bowl commercial everyone was talking about when it debuted, but this week I couldn't get anyone to remember who it was for.

Wow!

I just saw this commercial for the first time ten minutes ago. I thought, "This is a magnificent commercial if it's for paint, but not if it's for anything else." Fortunately it was for paint and it's gorgeous. Rarely does one see a commercial so clever, so colorful, so perfectly executed. I think there are other Sherwin Williams commercials following this, so I am talking about the one for the color chips that includes a windmill, dragon, Statue of Liberty, etc. Although I suspect they are all excellent

Apologies to Fritz Lang.

I'm sure there are many people who consider this commercial "cool". I find it comical. It is so self-conscious, so imitative, so been-there-done-that. The hero is hardly a Bond type, not terribly attractive, but cliche to the teeth as far as today's commercials go. This is just another ripoff from Metropolis from a creative team who can't come up with anything original. But like I say, most people won't see it for the imitation it is. There are at least two Metropolis ripoffs on the air at any one time.

I don't git it.

If Mr. Hall's parents wanted him to be called Ar-sin-eo, then why did they name him Arsenio?

Let's play near the radiation.

I have absolutely no interest in sports. None. Zero.You could give me a ticket to the World Series and I wouldn't go. I don't even consider sports figures celebrities. But a sports item did intrigue me today. I cannot believe that the Olympics (summer? winter? I don't know which) will be held in Tokyo. Tokyo! That's Fukushimaville! They assure us it's safe now. Fine. Will it be by the time of the games? I would be very interested to know how interested sports fans are in going to the Olympics in Tokyo.

Note: I did develop a conspiracy theory about this. My thought is that the Olympic committee has no intention of having the Olympics in Tokyo. This is just a cover story to calm down the Japanese people. They will not be so fearful of the radiation in Tokyo if they believe the Olympics are going to be held there.

Ow! Ow! Ow!

I think I wrote this before, but —what the hell— I can write it again. Shingles, as we all know, are terribly painful. Fortunately one can get a shingles shot these days to prevent the nightmarish malady attacking you. Having seen the television commercial I got a shingles shot, though I'm not sure I ever had chicken pox. Still, my doctor says you can get shingles without having had chicken pox. What I don't get is that the commercial says, "One in three people will get shingles in their lifetime." If that's so wouldn't you think I would know at least two people that had shingles, and I don't. Do you? I mean with one in three people getting shingles we should all know dozens of sufferers. You don't suppose the commercial would lie about the statistics to encourage us to get the shot, do you?

Note: This photo is ridiculously mild. It doesn't really even convey the torment of shingles. But the other photos were so creepy and scary, I figured I didn't even want them on my blog.

Quick, a bucket!

Every now and then you see a photo that requires no other explanation. It tells you every ugly thing you need to know.

Saint Bitch

Dana Perino, George W. Bush's former press secretary and an executive at Random House apparently feels that America belongs exclusively to Christians. It seems she is very put out that Massachusetts's highest court is hearing a case against the Pledge of Allegiance, specifically involving the phrase "under God" which was not part of the original pledge. Ms. Perino seems to feel that anyone who doesn't like that phrase doesn't have to live here. She apparently considers that an ideal solution to the suit brought on by these atheist parents. The petulant Ms. Perino went on to whine that she was tired of atheists. Of course we shouldn't be surprised that anyone who was George Bush's press secretary has a very low tolerance for the rights of others and is a Christian in name only, not in practice.

Dress up like daddy day.

This hilarious photo was in my favorite blog today: http://mycatsaredemocrats.blogspot.com/. One cannot look at this picture and not roar with laughter. Contained in it is all human folly, all conceit, all unwarranted confidence, all impotent macho pretense. Just imagine this buffoon getting dressed in this absurd and inappropriate outfif. Those assisting him are telling him how masculine he looks, how much the leader. He preens, he swirls, he smiles at the mirror. He adjusts his codpiece certain that it has endowed him with even more a sense of power. This is going to be his day of victory, the triumph they will discuss over the centuries, he is the master of all. How can you look at this photo and not fall on the floor in helpless laughter.

The quick comment that takes an hour.

You would think that if a company wanted some constructive criticism, no matter how harsh, to make their product better, they would make themselves accessible. You would think that if a company wanted their consumers to give them some praise for a better product, a better job, a better anything, they would make themselves easy to contact. Wrong on both counts. It seems to me that companies today do not want to be located, do not want to hear from their customers pro or con. Finding a company's address is hard enough on the Internet, finding the phone number often impossible. Then when we are forced to contact them by e-mail, they make nearly impossible, unnecessary, and time-consuming demands. You can't just click a button and say, "Great job!" or, "Your product stinks!" No. You have go to sign on and become a member. You need to give your name, address, phone number, e-mail address (which you have to type twice) and create yet another of the dozens of passwords you already have. In many cases, you will be required to type out a captcha, which you will not be able to read. If you don't jump through all these hoops, you cannot contact the company with whom you wish to communicate. At that point you will give up and decide it is not worth it to help a company improve its product or compliment them on a product that you admire. You will have lost valuable time.They, fools that they are, will have lost valuable input.

The S & H scam.

America's most successful con game can be summed up in two letters S and H. Shipping and handling is making lots of "entrepreneurs" wealthy. All they have to do is come up with a crappy product, promote it on cable tv, and then offer two with "separate shipping and handling." Of course the shipping and handling is the real profit motive. Something that would cost two bucks to mail now has a "shipping" cost of $7.50, order two and pay $15.00. The handling part of course requires someone to put in a box and slap on a label (they could just as easily toss in two) a procedure that takes all of one minute, if that. Of course you also have to pay for  the item, which is probably worth about a fifth of what it cost you. So you see the real money is in the S and H, which ironically are the first two letters of...

A past full of people.

Ida Bliss

Ida was an old lady who lived in the apartment below ours at our house in  Roxbury, Mass.  My aunt, our guardian, had hired her to more or less spy on my mother and make sure we kids were behaving ourselves. We disliked this crabby old woman, whom we called Blissy Bones, but were frightened enough of her not to show it. Especially since she had the neighborhood's only television and periodically let us watch The Big Top. Every Tuesday night we visited her married daughter,Blanche Grubbs, near Dudley Street. We loved Blanche, whose son Foster had a great electric train set.

I started something new the other day that might be something you would like to do, or something you think is really stupid. It's called the Book of Names. What I am doing is trying to remember something about everyone I've known. I write down their name and then a brief paragraph about each person, longer if it was somebody very important. I've just started, but already have recalled 60 people from my earliest years.  This is not necessarily something anybody will ever read, or even have any interest in reading, but I find it interesting to summon up memories of almost forgotten persons and preserve some small recollection about who they were. I include an example above of someone not very significant to my personal history.

Two honored turkeys.

If you think the Academy Award has any credibility at all, I'd like to point out just two reasons you're absolutely mistaken. The Greatest Show on Earth, Best Picture of 1952. And Around the World in 80 Days, the Best Picture of 1957. Both of these mediocre films are overblown and overrated bores. They are over-written, over-acted, over-produced, overlong, and incredibly melodramatic. The Greatest Show had the biggest ham of all time in it: Betty Hutton. Around the World has. among its roster of ill-used celebrities, the insipid and saccharine performance of the famous clown: Cantiflas.  So, you see, the Oscar really has very little to do with worthiness. And given a few hours, I could come up with dozens of more reasons to reject its value, including undeserving best actors, actresses, direction, etc. that were far from the best of the year they won. My friend Peter B. had a great idea. He felt that every year at the Academy Awards, certain unworthy winners should be required to return their Oscar. Unfortunately almost everyone associated with these two turkeys is dead.

Note: 
The nominees for Best Picture in 1952 were: High Noon, The Quiet Man, Moulin Rouge, and Ivanhoe. All, except Ivanhoe, were more worthy of the Oscar.

The nominees ofr Best Picture in 1957 were: Giant, The King and I, Friendly Persuasion and The Ten Commandments. All, including films that weren't nominated were more worthy than Around the World in 80 Days. 

This is one of the best ideas anyone has had this year. It makes so much sense, I can't see why we wouldn't do it immediately.

Just one thing...

As an atheist, it seems to me that circumcision is like saying  "Hey God, when you designed man, you made a big mistake. But don't worry, we're going to fix it."

Next?

There's lots of insanity in the world. Most of it isn't dangerous. But the concept that nuclear energy is a good idea is suicidal insanity. Today there are 430 nuclear plants operating in 31 countries. 430. Let's look at just one: Fukushima. As you know it was damaged by the earthquake and tsunami in Japan. Today the radiation levels in the leaking water at this crippled plant are 18 times higher than previously thought. Radiation around the site is 1,800 millisieverts per hour, which is strong enough to kill a person within four hours of exposure. Four hours. The Tokyo Elecric Power Co. has reported that it has discovered a leak in another pipe emitting levels of 230 millisieverts an hour.  The leakage from this plant endangers human life and sea life. It is contaminating the ocean and one day that contamination will reach the western coast of the United States just as their debris has, That's one plant. Yet we, humans, accept the operation of 430 other nuclear plants. Of course those who approve of nuclear power could argue that Fukushima is just one nuclear plant that was crippled. Chernobyl was another one. But then the damage in Russia wasn't  permanent; after all experts estimate that we can repopulate Chernnobyl  in only 20,000 years. Where will the next "accident" be: New York, Florida, Kentucky, Pennsylvania, Minnesota? Is it likely to happen. With 104 nuclear plants in the U.S., I would count on it, especially considering the kind of weather we have had lately. I'm sure a tornado or hurricane could do a lot of damage to a nuclear plant. We've already seen what an earthquake can do.