Way, way, way overpaid.

I hear that Matt Lauer makes $25 million a year. It seems too absurd to be true, but even if it's $5 million, he's overpaid. A nice enough personality, Matt could easily be replaced by any number of other attractive hosts, many with hair. But he's just one of  thousands of wildly overpaid personalities. I read that's he's depressed because people are accusing him of having a hand in the firing of Ann Curry, (a person far more skilled than Matt). How can you be depressed when you make as much money as he does., unless, of course, he realizes he's not worth it. I have nothing against Matt, but I really hate the American habit of taking ordinary people, promoting them to a status they never deserved, showering them with wealth and then making sure that everyone knows the volume of that shower. Frankly, I'd rather that networks paid everyone less money, tightened their belts, thus needed fewer than their thousands of daily commercials and making tv viewing more pleasant for the rest of us.

My most unwanted Christmas gift.

I got a gift this year that I didn't want, don't want, never wanted, never would want and can't return. It's a Keurig coffee maker, a big black pain-in-the-ass machine that makes lousy weak coffee and cost about $170.00. It was sent by a well-meaning friend, but it's been nothing but a burden since the day it arrived. For starters all of the many coffees and cocoa mixes that came with it tasted weird: metallic or plastic or just  chemically, I couldn't tell. I tried cleaning it out with vinegar and water, and then everything tasted of vinegar for a day or so. Then when all the weird tastes were gone, I realized that this machine makes lousy coffee. Surprisingly QVC was very agreeable to having it returned and sent me a postage-paid coupon. Ah, but here's the rub. You must return it in the original packing, and there is no way I can get this machine back in the box. Nothing seems to fit. It's as if this damn machine never arrived in this complex jigsaw of Styrofoam.  I think this is a deliberate Keurig ploy designed to discourage any consumer planning to return their product.. It certainly discouraged me. So I will either toss this damn machine or have it take up valuable counter space for any guest who happens to be fond of weak, overpriced coffee.

Note: It is very unlikely that the person who sent me this gift will ever read my blog. But if she should, be assured I appreciate the thought behind this gift, but would rather you spent that money on yourself.

Are you sure you've seen this movie?

While I appreciate that not everyone loves movies to the same degree, here is something I absolutely do not understand. Last night ABC did its annual showing of The Sound of Music. Now we all know that this 1965 Rodgers & Hammerstein musical was enormously successful. It  has been a beloved favorite for almost 50 years. It has even been shown in theaters worldwide as a sing-along attraction. What I find hard to believe is that millions of American viewers are willing to watch this heartwarming wide-screen classic in a version "modified to fit your screen", which means you're losing about the half the Todd-AO image. So at certain points, you're cheated out of several Von Trapp children, the breathtaking Austrian scenery,  most of the the "Climb Every Mountain" mountain and basically the visual impact of the entire film.  If that weren't sacrifice enough, these same viewers have to deal with hundreds of commercial breaks for insurance, pharmaceuticals, automobiles, beer, and countless other  promotions. Why even bother?  Viewers aren't actually seeing The Sound of Music, and they're denying their children the thrill of experiencing this movie for the first time as it should be seen—without interruptions and without being snipped to pieces. Screw greedy ABC. Rent the letterboxed video. Instead of spending four hours watching ound of Mu, spend 147 glorious minutes watching The Sound of Music. 

One little word.

I love Nexium. I have had acid reflux all my life and this is the only medicine that actually works for me. The trouble is that it's damned expensive, but, I guess, worth it. Since it is expensive, it's no wonder AstraZeneca can afford all these commercials which always start with, "You wouldn't let your doctor do your job, why do his?" Except the actor they use can't seem to pronounce "wouldn't" and continually says "woonent". Drives me mad. It's odd, too, because he does the rest of the commercial just fine. Anyway, annoying as it is, it doesn't give me heartburn because I take Nexium.

Writing wrong for Breathe Right.

This commercial is fine, but it's illogically written. This actor (Am I supposed to know Mark Collier?) tells us that he has the "nightly stuffy nose thing". He tried decongestants and vaporizing and "then I fought back." Wasn't he fighting back when he was using other remedies? This is so typical of commercials today. It's as if the writer doesn't read his copy and the client doesn't know the difference.

Your worst enemy is something you buy.

Like many people, I have a bad temper. Fortunately I have learned to control it in recent years. But when I was younger, I could easily be triggered by a slight, an injustice or a threat from some bully. As I was thinking about this today, it occurred to me that if back then during several of those altercations, if I had a gun, I might have used it. What a horrible thought. I can recall being so blind with fury that during a confrontation I just might have lost reason long enough to pull a trigger. Sadly, I think that's why many otherwise decent people are in jail today. Because they foolishly purchased a gun. And while it was supposedly for protection, it did them more damage than a robbery or assault could ever have done. That gun cost them their freedom. I recall an old man who shot a teenager who wouldn't turn down the maddening volume of his boom box. That man is in jail. I could have been that man. Every day somebody kills someone in a temporary anger and pays an enormous price for a moment of madness. I feel sorry for all those people. They are not hardened criminals. They are probably not even generally mean or abusive. But they can't reverse what they did.  The worst thing in the world you can have is a gun, especially if you also have a temper.

Note: As you may know this week the Nazi head of the NRA Wayne LaPierre said, "The only way to stop a bad man with a gun is a good man with a gun." What a fool this man is. Most deaths by gun are not caused by "bad men" but by ordinary people who make a mistake or react in a moment of temporary madness because, as I said, they owned a f******* gun.

Somebody please explain.

I mentioned this commercial last year, but I have to cite it again. Why? Because it's the sickest commercial I have ever seen for a car. If I understand the spot, Man A is hit with snowball as he is about to get into his car by Man B whose creepy family is standing by. Yet the next scene has Man A. rolling a snowball down a hill toward the car of Man B. who is already at the bottom. The snowball envelops the car and pulls it over a cliff to what would obviously be death if anyone is in the car. How does this sell Infiniti? Obviously the demented agency felt it was worth running again so they must be getting compliments from some sickos out there. Oddly enough on this same attachment there is a very weird Nazi video, which I also don't understand.

The Rapunzel factor.

How incredibly incompetent must prison officials be if two prisoners can escape from a federal facility in Chicago using twenty stories worth of bedsheets? It staggers the imagination to accept that this was even possible. Whose running that prison, nearsighted morons? I hope the citizens of Chicago demand the firing of every person responsible for this nearly incomprehensible fiasco. It would be humorous if they weren't bank robbers and very likely to be dangerous in their goal of staying out of this Keystone Kop prison.

Season's dumbest commercial.

I hate this commercial for many reasons. Among them, because it's not funny. It's not clever. It's nothing. Second because the customer is that trendy new look that's utterly unappealing and seen in every other commercial: the bearded semi-nerd with the pretentious cap and too-tight jacket. I don't get it. Plus this is a Christmas commercial. Why is FexEx so eager to present us with a thoughtless, last-minute gifter who illogically is eager to make a Christmas deadline, but couldn't care less that the recipient receives a FexEx marker? Who hires these copywriters and art directors who haven't got an original idea between them? And why would FexEx ever okay such a dopey commercial?

Five words.

“This sentence has five words. Here are five more words. Five-word sentences are fine. But several together become monotonous. Listen to what is happening. The writing is getting boring. The sound of it drones. It’s like a stuck record. The ear demands some variety. Now listen. I vary the sentence length, and I create music. Music. The writing sings. It has a pleasant rhythm, a lilt, a harmony. I use short sentences. And I use sentences of medium length. And sometimes, when I am certain the reader is rested, I will engage him with a sentence of considerable length, a sentence that burns with energy and builds with all the impetus of a crescendo, the roll of the drums, the crash of the cymbals–sounds that say listen to this, it is important.”
― Gary Provost

This was written by my brother Gary. It was just one of the brilliant comments he made about writing from just one of his books. Sadly he died at fifty, 18 years ago. It occurred to me that this same sentence can be applied to so many movies today. Directors today—hacks that so many are—seem to make almost all their scenes short and off the same length. This is true of films and television. For some reason these directors feel the will lose your attention if the visual doesn't change every few seconds, so they are constantly changing the image, changing the angle, using a difference technique. But every scene is, in essence, five words, no more, no less. And soon you are bored and exhausted. I miss Gary. I would love to hear is critiques of today's movies.

Starbucks or study hall?

I had a scene today at a Starbucks. (Not the one shown here.)Despite being well appointed, the geniuses at Starbucks redesigned my favorite outlet in such a way as to provide less comfortable seating and almost no seating for parties of four. So when I and my four friends arrived today, there was only one small table for two available.  I assumed that the girl who was using two tables for her computer, notebook, and single cup of coffee would willingly surrender her extra table, but she didn't. She was one of those arrogant, thoughtless people who feel they are entitled to anything they can grab. Finally, after her repeated petulant refusals, a barista made her give up the table. By then, of course, our group was too tense to have a pleasant experience. But it makes one wonder about Starbucks' thinking. They seem to encourage customers to buy a single cup of coffee and spend hours hogging a table and enjoying free wi-fi. Why? This particular shrew, for instance, was a $3 customers while I and my friends—who come there ever week—are always a guaranteed $40.00 tab. But she wasn't and isn't the only one. Every week there are students or adults sitting for long periods, often with a single cup of
coffee and sometimes a beverage that Starbucks doesn't sell. Where is the benefit for a company that so willingly allows low-profit loiterers to spend hours taking up space writing their friends or doing homework, especially when it provides an impedance to paying customers. What am I missing?

"See it was about this guy....or maybe it wasn't."

In my lifetime I have seen thousands and thousands of films. Many I've loved. Many I've hated. But most have been entertaining and forgettable, which is fine. But the other night for the first time I saw a new film, a major film, that offered me an interesting experience. The film was The Bourne Legacy and I didn't understand a word of it. I watched this film for about an hour and didn't have a clue what it was about. It had nice scenery, a few bloody scenes, and some meaningless action. But it might as well have been in Russian for all the sense it made. Of course at my age one could wonder if one were suffering an attack of senility, but everything else I watched that night made perfect sense. I wonder if others have had the same problem. And I wonder how a film so without clarity even gets made. Of course I should have been clued in right away when I saw that it starred Jeremy Renner, a name that meant nothing to me and a face that I seemed to recall from many supporting roles. He's a fine actor, but sadly lacks leading man charisma. Another clue was that in a supporting role was Edward Norton, an actor too talented and brilliant to ever be anything but the star. Gosh I wish more people knew how to reply to this blog as I would love to know if there was some value to this film which I did not see.

Let's get it right, Sam.

In case you think the media is getting more and more careless, here are two headlines from today's HuffPost Entertainment section,  one right after the other.

"Celebrities sends thoughts to those affected by Newtown shooting."

"Play it again "Casablanca" piano sell for big bucks."

The first headline is far too serious a subject to get wrong and I hate that it's in the Entertainment section. The second should have read: "Play It Again" Casablanca piano sells for big bucks.

Sheesh!

I love dogs. If I didn't have three indoor cats and two outdoor cats and weren't so lazy about walking a dog and cleaning up after it, I would have one. Over the years we have adopted or fostered several dogs, all strays that somehow found their ways into our lives. Living in Miami, it's easy to find a dog since people here show little regard for pets and many are lost or abandoned. Our first dog Blanche, a mixed Spitz, found a good home with a family in South Miami. The next, and dearest, was Finley. I found him, or rather he found me, during a lunch hour. It was one of those rare days when I didn't have lunch with a co-worker so was sitting outside when this balding, pathetic, rib-skinny reddish-brown dog walked up to me an collapsed at my feet. Being very susceptible to guilt I look him home and he was with us and spoiled for four years until he died of all the canine afflictions that come with old age. During his time with us another small dog followed us home. This all-black short-haired female was incredibly loving, but a victim of separation anxiety. We had her about three weeks before we placed her with a woman in Key West. She called shortly after and asked if we knew that Sable (the name she gave her) was pregnant. Of course we didn't, so I volunteered to take her back. Surprisingly the women kept her and Sable gave birth to nine puppies who were all adopted and, I am sure, are today greatly increasing the dog population of Key West. Anyway what started me thinking about dogs was a photo of Willy (above) the dog my fried Peter adopted for the streets of the city in Mexico where he lives. I think it's an amazing photo and, I am told, an amazing dog. Makes me want to go out and adopt one, but how could I find one as special as Willy.

Top of the mornin' to you.

I rarely watch morning tv, but I happened to turn on Good Morning American today and late checked in at The Today Show and was surprised at how insipid and identical these shows have become. They report the news, but in the most superficial manner. The hospitalization of Nelson Mandela received no more attention and depth than the feature about a dog who can drive a car around a race track. To add to the dippiness, all these morning shows seem hell bent on having giddy hyped-up tourists from around the country gather noisily outside their studios carrying signs or just wearing moronic grins. Moronic grins are also sported by the overpaid hosts like Matt Lauer or  George Stephanopoulos and all kinds of lesser delivers of pseudo news.  This always surprises me because I am sure there are hundreds of talented charismatic talents all over America looking for jobs. So one wonders how ABC, CBS, and NBC happened to choose the personalities they have. For instance, today one of the young announcers on GMA did a report on a tragic shooting in New York City, and he kept referring to the "gitaway" car. Am I wrong to expect more?

I wonder why you wonder.

Do copywriters care anything about logic these days. In this commercial the consumer chooses Prego in a blind taste test. Realizing it is better than Ragu, which she has used for years, she asks, "I wonder what other questionable choices I've made." Then we see a flashback to her choice of a doofus over more attractive guys on a dating game show. Why would she wonder about that past choice? She knows about it. The show was on television. She isn't in the dark about her decision. There is no parallel situation involved. Therefore it is a stupid and illogical commercial. Doesn't anybody at the agency or the company realize this?

No Tannenbaum.

I haven't had a Christmas tree in over twenty years. I suppose it has something to do with living in Miami, where Christmas never feels as festive as it did up north or festive at all for that matter.  The fact that I don't really celebrate Christmas anymore probably has a lot to do with it. But last January I vowed I would celebrate this Christmas and I bought an artificial lighted tree at post-season savings. Last week I got it down from the garage loft and was all gung-about making this my first real Miami Christmas. The first problem was that the tree, which came in three parts, only lit up in two. The entire middle was dark, and search as I might I couldn't find another plug for those lights. When I consulted the instructions, I was informed that the State of California had determined that the coating on the wires was a carcinogen, and was advised to wash my hands carefully after each contact with the tree. Then, of course, I would need to buy ornaments and presents for my cancerous tree.  Since I never exchanged presents with anyone, including close friends, this posed a problem. Then of course my cats kept threatening to knock the tree over since they saw it as a new plaything. But I had all these problems resolved by December 10th. Because I took the tree apart, threw it in its box and put the box on the swale with the legend, "Free 7-Ft. lighted tree. Never been used." It was gone within an hour.

Soupy sales.

Maybe it's just me, but  I find almost all soup commercials absurd. Not because people talking into a tin can is a really dippy concept, but because soup just isn't exciting. All right, every now and then a restaurant concoction is something special...but canned soup? Never. So these Progresso commercials with consumers being obsessed with the product seem ridiculously over the top in the enthusiasm factor. Progresso's campaign is bad enough, but Campbell's "It's amazing what soup can do" is even more laughable. Sorry, but soup is something you eat (usuually when you're sick) sort of enjoy (and only if you have lots of crackers) and always worry about the salt content.

Dissed jockeys.

I generally have a low opinion of the news media, with special disdain for the lazy broadcast medium. This week I find all these tv news outlets particularly despicable and cowardly following the suicide of London nurse Jacintha Saldanha.  It appears that Saldanha, after being taken in by a prank phone call by two Australian radio personalities posing as members of the royal family, was so humiliated that she killed herself. Now the pranksters are being vilified around the world and even getting death threats. That's a bit excessive since they are only morons and not monsters, but that isn't what offends me most. It's that the national news is covering the latest story as if, when it began, they weren't right out in front making the hospital and the nurse objects of ridicule for falling for such a obvious fraud. In short they are as much to blame for Saldanha's death as the disc jockeys. So their sanctimonious stance is really offensive. 

Waste.

I have no interest in sports or sports heroes, as they are oddly called. But I find it absurd that the news gives so much attention to this Belcher situation, which is not much different from hundreds of everyday incidents except that a sports figure was involved. Right now MSNBC is discussing his "state of mind" and "what made him do it?" and other nonsense. What made him do it was a gun. Having a gun made him do it. The accessibility of a gun made him shoot his girlfriend nine times. If he didn't have a gun, he probably would have beat the hell out of her, she would have been hospitalized, he would have been jailed and they would or would not have gotten back together. The distance of a gun made him do it. The convenience of a gun made him do it. In his case, he was also young and unformed and suddenly showered with money and fame which we had no idea how to handle. Those were factors. But the gun was the villain. Just as it is all over America every day of the year. People have arguments. If they don't have a gun, they have fights, sometimes very brutal...fights that often lead to the emergency room. But, ah!, if you have a gun, you have the perfect exclamation mark for your anger, the idea release for all that fury, the climax that ends the fight and silences all that noise it the room and in your head. And if you have any kind of humanity, you realize what a nightmare you have just unleashed, a horror beyond comprehension, and one that will not end soon or easily.  And when you are suddenly and horrifically boomeranged back to reality, you cannot believe the monster that you became just a few irretrievable minutes before. And if you are like Jovan Belcher, who was probably a kind-hearted, decent person who just didn't know how to handle his angers and insecurities, you think the only decent thing to do is to take the same gun that just destroyed so many lives and use it to destroy yours. So the news will yap and yap and yap. What made him do it?  Easy. A gun.

Read more here: http://www.kansascity.com/2012/12/04/3948005/before-shootings-belcher-spent.html#storylink=cpy

"Look what happened to your car."

I am not a violent person. Nor am I likely to engage in vandalism. But I  will admit that I would have no problem with anyone taking a sledgehammer to a car—no matter how expensive—whose alarm continues to go off without anyone showing up to stop it. I frankly feel nobody has the right to disturb the general peace to protect their property unless they are prepared to be nearby and address the robbery. Right now I working on my computer and every five minutes I have to listen to loud minutes-long whining of a loud car siren. Ah, the wonderful fantasies I have of spray-painting that car or tossing a huge brick through its windshield. Would I actually do anything that outrageously illegal if I thought I could get away with it? You bet.

A head full of hate.

This ugly man is Sheldon Adelson. But he's mostly ugly because he's ugly. He just spend over $150 million dollars to defeat Barack Obama. Obviously he failed. But what monstrous instinct drove this  cretin to think it was worth spending all that money? How big can a hatred be? Especially for someone as decent and honest as Obama? Just think, this man, by spending the same amount of money could greatly enrich the lives of thousands. He could be universally loved and admired. He could attack hunger, homelessness, illness, despair.  While he would never be attractive at least people would upon his  face as that of a kindly and generous philanthropist. But instead he wasted those millions on a vendetta, on an ego massage, on a hatred. So what does he end up with? Nothing. No love. No admiration. No wonderful changes in the world that he can point to and say, "I did that." What a waste.
What a horrible, horrible waste.

Thawing ice.

This is an amazing video on the power of truth, the power of film, and the danger of fools in denial like Bill O'Reilly's and everyone else on Fox News. I don't doubt for a moment that this women is genuine, sincere, and incredibly moved by the film Chasing Ice. For a Fox viewer to so dramatically change her perception and be willing to admit it so emotionally, she must have had a great revelation. I hope we will all see this film.

Putlizer Prize winner wallops wimp.

Every now and then there is a delicious and unexpected moment on television, like this one on Fox news this week. We all owe Tom Ricks, leading military expert and Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist,  our gratitude for exposing Fox News to themselves. They have been so eager to hype this Benghazi story and they stupidly thought Tom would help them. Instead he told the truth and threw them into panic mode. You will note how quickly they end interviews that don't assist them in their "fair and balanced" news.

Three litle pigs. No wolf.

This is an excerpt from Today's Huffington Post (November 27)
Republican Sens. John McCain (Ariz.), Lindsey Graham (S.C.) and Kelly Ayotte (N.H.) said on Tuesday that their highly anticipated meeting with U.N. Ambassador Susan Rice about the Sept. 11 anniversary attack in Benghazi, Libya, hadn't allayed their concerns about either the administration's explanation of the attack or Rice's qualifications as a potential secretary of state.

"Bottom line, I'm more disturbed now than I was before that the 16th of September explanation about how Americans died in Benghazi, Libya, by Ambassador Rice I think does not do justice to the reality at the time and, in hindsight, clearly was completely wrong," Graham declared at a press conference after the meeting.
****************************************************
In short these three senators went into the meeting with false outrage and closed minds and emerged with minds just as closed and outrage just as false. McCain stomped in with all the anger and jealousy he feels about President Obama, eager to sabotage his presidency in whatever petulant way possible. Lindsey flounced in, thrilled for yet another opportunity to show his love, loyalty and devotion to his hero McCain. And Ayotte slinked in, oiled with all her Republican prejudices against Planned Parenthood, gay marriage and all those New Hampshire liberals she is forced to represent along with the worthy right-wingers.  Even before the meeting began they were rehearsing their speeches about how they were even more disturbed and how Rice, despite all the evidence to the contrary, was wrong, wrong, wrong. What sad examples of senators. 

A very depressing commercial.

This is the same type of bah-humbug commercial Buick did last year. If I understand it completely, I hate it. But not knowing anything about cars I'm not sure I get it. Is seems he bought her a small compact car for Christmas?  She is thrilled. But suddenly she sees a more costly Buick and she is utterly disappointed with the car he bought her. She doesn't even make an effort to hide her obvious  disappointment. Is that the message of this holiday commercial? If it is, I would take back the first car, dump her immediately and find someone less greedy. And what does the announcer mean by "to those who sacrificed one for the other"? What other? It doesn't track.

"Of all sad words of tongue and pen..."

One of the stupidest rules of our times is that no person can be elected to the presidency more than twice. If there could have been multiple terms of office, Clinton, I believe, would have served at
least four terms. Which means we probably never would have been cursed with moronic Bush and satanic Cheney. Which means we never would have gone to war in Iraq and may even have stopped 9-11 from happening. Gore, as Vice President, would have taken more steps again global warming, or whatever they call it these days, giving us a head start against the nightmare that we may not now be able to head off. We wouldn't have had the budget problem that Bush plunged us into. Not only would we not have had this unemployment crisis, but among those in the work force would be all the vital young men and women who didn't died in Iraq and all those able bodied young men and women who weren't crippled in the Bush's petulant war. But this is all irrelevant because after Clinton gave us two stellar terms, he had to move out of the white house to make room for a speeding car crammed with deadly clowns.

Moving day.

I don't get hunters. I don't see how someone—for fun (or as they call it, sport)—can go out in the woods,  see a defenseless animal grazing or just walking and put a bullet through its head. I don't want to be friends with people like that because I think they could just as easily do it to a person. Today I have to have a possum removed from under my house, maybe a whole family of them. Possums are the ugliest, most antisocial nocturnal creatures. They are absolutely repulsive. But I couldn't kill a possum What right do I have to take away it's only shot at existence?  I don't. I don't want it under my house, but I wouldn't kill it to remove it. Besides his or her babies don't think their parent is repulsive. The person removing it has absolutely assured me that he will take it to a distant wooded area and set it—or them—free.  I have to accept this as true, unless I go with him, which I may. I wish we could talk to animals. I'd tell this possum, "Look if you promise to stay of sight, not bother my cats, and not eat my electrical and cable cords, and do your business somewhere else, you can stay here. I'll even feed you, providing you don't invite all your relatives over." Unfortunately that's not possible, so today is moving day for this really ugly possum, though he or she doesn't know it.

Note: Over a week later. I turns out the possum was not ugly and mean like this one, but far cute and much more sedate. I caught him during the night and he spent most of the morning sitting or pacing in his trap. He never once hissed or acted panicky, but seemed to be waiting patiently for the Orkin man to come and take him away. I thought I'd feel relieved, but I felt really sad and, frankly, missed him when he was gone.

what? What? WHAAAAAAAAT!

This is a small complaint and I only mention it because it has happened to me several times lately. I get a phone call when I am out, so it is on my answering machine.The message often sounds like this: "Hello. Mr. Provost. This is gushmo from flughbac's office.  As soon as you get this message, it's very important that you call us back at 305-858-bleek, clack, two, shlump. So, not only haven't they clearly stated who is calling, but they have left a number I can't figure out no matter how often I replay it. Don't people know that you should state your phone number slowly and clearly and repeat it at least once?

Aging.

Being a seventy-year- old man is like having a twenty-five -year-old television. There's a good chance it will work perfectly for another ten years, but it's not likely. At the very least a few parts will need to replaced, if one wants to bother and if they still exist. It will be obvious to everyone that it is not a recent model.  And, of course, you always wish you had a more up-to-date features and that it was clearer, easier to hear, and more portable. Then one day when the picture starts to go everyone, except a few diehards, will agree it's not worth saving. That's when you have to remind yourself of all the years of pleasure it brought you and appreciate that nothing lasts forever.

Very funny, but I don't get it.

I like this commercial a lot, but I wish it were for another product. I just don't see the connection between all these people laughing contagiously and Volkwagen. I can see it being perfect for a camera, or healthcare or Hallmark Cards. But how the hell it relates to an automobile is absolutely beyond me. I suppose the line "It's not the miles, it's how you live them" is supposed to clarify the message. But frankly, I find this line trite, meaningless and imitative of other similarly trite and meaningless lines. So, anyway, VW, thanks for the charming collage of happy people.

Grammatical error?

Shouldn't this be, "But dad, you've got Allstate with accident forgiveness that guarantees....." They spend a ton of money on these commercials. They don't have that many words. It seems they could get them right. Or, am I wrong about the agreement?

Stop the music!

I confess I have never been a fan of rock music—none of it, ever. But I do accept that many of these bands are probably very talented people and many of the lyrics are thoughtful and well-conceived. However, I cannot under any circumstances understand or appreciate this new trend of taking a single lyric line—usually incredibly trite—and repeating it endlessly with an equally repetitive piece of music. Yet there it is, in every supermarket, department store, and fast-food restaurant. But what is especially annoying is these songs blasting at Barnes & Noble while I am trying to choose a book. Today, while attempting to browse, I was forced to listen to "Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen. Anything can happen." And when it was mercifully over, it was followed by, "Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees. Baby, I'm on my knees." If these songs are popular, what am I not getting? 

Tick. Tick. Tick.

"I think the age of the universe has zero to do with how our economy is going to grow." Marco Rubio

Sorry, Marco, you're wrong again. The age of the universe has everything to do with how our economy is going to grow. If the earth is 4.54 billion years old, which most scientists believe, then there's every reason to believe that we have sent it on a downward spiral in the past two hundred years which is just a blip in time. How? With, among other things, global warming, you know that problem Republicans don't believe exists. So if man can do that much destruction in a nanosecond of time, imagine what we can keep doing the next few decades if we're not stopped. Do you really think out economy is going to grow if we promote more  polluted rivers, more fracking, more deforestation, more crop-destroying weather, more carbon emissions, more population growth, more faulty nuclear plants, more nuclear waste being buried near some unsuspecting town. Earth has survived for 4.54 billion years. And keep in mind that a billion is 1,000 million. If we want to keep the earth safe, we need politicians who believe in science—not Neanderthals like you. 

A cover story.

Today I recalled an interesting anecdote from my past. I can relate it, but unfortunately I cannot illustrate it, which may make reading this irrelevant. But what the hell I'm not doing anything else and obviously neither are you. So here's the story. When I was in my 30s, I read a book called Playing for Time by Fania Fenelon. It was a true story of how she survived at the death camp of Auschwitz-Birkenau and later at Bergen-Belsen by performing as a singer and musician in the camp's orchestra. It was a harrowing, disturbing, and important book.  However, I was very offended by the cover and wrote to the publisher to tell them so. What offended me was the visual of what was obviously the naked arm of a young and healthy woman resting on a highly polished violin.  Printed on the arm in an elegant typeface was what was supposed to be a concentration camp tattoo. I chided the publisher for having such a ridiculously glamorized image for such a nightmarish biography. The publisher wrote back politely telling me that my comments were greatly appreciated and that they were redoing the cover and would send me a free copy on completion, which they did. The new cover showed a young blonde woman in the foreground, with full makeup and windblown hair and behind her a handsome Nazi officer. The suggestion being that of romance which had nothing to do with the book and created a cover far more offensive than the one I had complained about. The point being that even people in power—in this case the publisher—can be raging a******s.

Note: The somber, and appropriate, cover above is what is being sold today. Despite a diligent search of the Internet I could not find either of the previous paperback covers. Maybe the publisher was wise enough to destroy any evidence.

"Golleee. Let me think about that."

In a GQ interview published this November, Florida Sen. Marco Rubio was asked how old he thinks Earth is.  His Romneyesque answer is as follows:
"I'm not a scientist, man. I can tell you what recorded history says, I can tell you what the Bible says, but I think that's a dispute amongst theologians and I think it has nothing to do with the gross domestic product or economic growth of the United States. I think the age of the universe has zero to do with how our economy is going to grow. I'm not a scientist. I don't think I'm qualified to answer a question like that. At the end of the day, I think there are multiple theories out there on how the universe was created and I think this is a country where people should have the opportunity to teach them all. I think parents should be able to teach their kids what their faith says, what science says. Whether the Earth was created in 7 days, or 7 actual eras, I'm not sure we'll ever be able to answer that. It's one of the great mysteries. "
I'm not sure what offends me most.
1. The fact that he is another two-or-more-faced hedgehog trying to please the evangelicals.
2. That he is actually so badly educated that he dismisses all scientific evidence in favor of magical thinking.
Or 3. That he addressed the interviewer as "man". What is he 15  years old? 

Remembering Royal Dano.

I have not yet seen Spielberg's new film Lincoln. I am sure that Daniel Day Lewis is excellent in the role, though I question Spielberg's ability to make me like this movie any more than his other overblown films, notably the dull Amistad.I keep hearing reports of how brilliantly they came up with a voice for Lincoln, and, to me, it sounds just like Walter Brennan. But Lincoln is always an interesting subject, and he has had many brilliant portrayers, including Henry Fonda, Raymond Massey, John Carradine, John Anderson, Gerald Bestrom, Hal Holbrook and the actor whom I suspect I regard as the best Lincoln of all: Royal Dano. I say I suspect because I still recall his performance which I saw 60 years ago as a ten-year-old. Back then Dano portrayed Lincoln in a five-part mini-series in 1952-53 on Omnibus. I recall this laconic, lanky actor as giving a performance so believable that one could imagine the real Abraham Lincoln being no different Fortunately the series is available on the Internet. Unfortunately I haven't a clue how to access it. But if you do, I  it is well worth watching. 

Onward Pseudo-Christian Soldiers.

I just heard a report on NPR radio about the recent GOP Governors Conference in Las Vegas.  It seems, according to these clueless pols, the reason they were so soundly defeated in the recent elections had nothing to do with Obama's popularity or policies. Apparently the victory was only because Obama had a get-out-the-vote ground force that was far superior to Romney's. The voters weren't swayed by the issues they were entranced by the salesmanship. So, these governors determined that they didn't really have to change their message so much as how effectively they delivered it. For instance, they had to convince Latinos that they really liked them a lot without actually having to enact anything to prove it. Being convinced that Americans don't want Obamacare despite every statistic to the contrary, they are still determined to find a way to abolish it. How cute. How naive.  In short, other than agreeing that Romney was not a great candidate—while not admitting that he was beyond pathetic—they all happily agreed that they only faced losses because the Obama machine was so well oiled, so well run. They apparently have no idea how much they offended women and minorities, how deeply they alienated gays, and how greatly they frightened the elderly or those on any kind of entitlement program.  I found this NPR report to be very encouraging news. It means that these oblivious Republican governors will continue their stubborn lockstep march into total irrelevance.

A clearly bad choice.

I find it fascinating that I suddenly see so many commercials and promotions for Clear Choice dental implants. Most intriguing is that they promise a new smile in one day. I don't know who they are appealing to, but any reasonable person knows that is an impossibility. Are they suggesting that a surgeon can remove your natural teeth,  drill metal anchors in your bloody tissue and—bingo!—snap on radiant new smile and send you home  grinning like a Cheshire cat? And of course all this would be without pain, infection, poor fit or any problem at all, other than being thousands and thousands of dollars poorer. Obviously they're lying, and it must be working considering how many centers they have throughout the country. But I just spent time reading complaints from many of their customers who feel they were ripped off, lied to, and just plain bamboozled by this chain of charming grifters.  I doubt that anybody reading this is considering Clear Choice, but if you are I suggest you read the many negative reports of their clients before you make an appointment or disappointment.

Note: What is it with these attractive blonde women who are willing to lie through their natural, healthy teeth to push a product that could possibly damage people as well as leaving them broke. She's just another version of that amoral blonde who pushes oil and natural gas for EnergyTomorrow.

Minister of Hate.

While I mentioned this charlatan in a previous post, I think he deserves his own space. This creature is William Franklin Graham, son of Bible Billy, the most successful religious outlaw in American history. Franklin is president and CEO of the Billy Graham Evangeistic Association and the international relief organization Samaritan's Purse, purse being the operative word.  Like his father, he is a millionaire. Like his father, he hosts wildly popular crusades all over the world to hordes of fervent believers, none of whom seems able to recognize a con man much less a whole family of them. Franklin is a Republican, which means he is totally opposed to everything Jesus stood for. He is a bigot and, being a staunch enemy of the entire Muslin religion, he is not about to embrace Christ's "love your neighbor" tenet when he can spread hate and bigotry everywhere he goes.  He is another of the right-wing wackos who questioned President Obama's faith and continues to suggest that Barack sneaked into office when God wasn't looking.  Like his failed hero Romney, he is a businessman. His incredibly profitable business is religion, which offers far more riches than most corporations. I don't argue that his companies do some good work, but that's only a side product of a business totally devoted to an ego-driven family who need adoration as much as they need air.  I doubt that he has any true belief in God or either testament, otherwise he would be terrified of the fires of hell, which he knows he would be condemned to for a lifetime of deceit, egotism and greed. His son Will is the next antiChrist to take up control of the family business.

John McCain and Lindsey Graham have become the Statler and Waldorf of politics. Always at a loss for any positive comments, they carp constantly about the Democrats, notably President Obama. Their latest bitching has been directed at Susan Rice, whom they feel should have had absolute knowledge of what happened in Benghazi despite that she could only report what she was being told by the  CIA. Of course, they're completely idiotic to think such a thing, but they has never stopped them before. My theory is that the closeted Graham has been in love with McCain for years. (McCain was sort of attractive once.) This makes him the perfect echo to all of Sour Grape McCain's constant complaining. Or, as a pundit put it yesterday, "Sancho Panza to McCain's Don Quixote." Except McCain isn't quixotic as much as psychotic, and having lost so much prestige in recent years, he welcomes Graham's blind adoration. Poor John. His whole life changed with a single hideous error that could not be undone: choosing the inept Sarah Palin as his running mate. Now she's being ghost-written to appear intelligent while he's making a fool of himself on a daily basis with his loyal playmate Lindsey.

No question about it.

When Mitt Romney lost his bid for the presidency, he could have been a good sport, a gracious loser, and even volunteered his time and years of expertise to help President Obama in his second term. He could have held his head high and said that the best man won. If he had done anything like that, we might have said, "Hmmm. Maybe he would have made a good president." But, instead, Romney gave America the best possible gift. He showed them just how wise the were not to elect him. He has been petty, whiny and deceptive as usual. He is a peripatetic malcontent going from one group to another making excuses for his loss, blaming the 47% of Americans who elected Obama because he promised them "gifts".  He has proven himself to be the bullet a nation dodged, the disaster we avoided, the unctuous fraud we do not have to see on a daily basis for the next four years. He has given us a new standard for poor sportsmanship, become history's sorest of sore losers. And, for that, I will be eternally grateful to Mitt Romney.

Senile.

Series stars or sales staff?

One of my favorite tv series is Revenge. Loosely inspired by The Count of Monte Christo, it tells the story of a super-wealthy young woman out to revenge herself on the family that framed her father and were responsible for his execution.  The only problem with this exciting series as well as almost every other series is too many commercials. But last night's episode added a new annoyance as far as the commercials were concerned, an annoyance that could become a really distressing trend if it is successful. It seems like marketers thought it would be brilliant to put the actors from Revenge into a series of commercials promoting the odd partnership of Target and Neiman-Marcus. The commercials—themed as "The Gift of Revenge"—look so much like the show that one is temporarily unaware it is a commercial. Each little vignette seems more like a dream sequence, especially since one of the players is not an actual person from the show, but a close look-alike. In these sequences the Revenge characters receive elegantly wrapped fashion gifts from an anonymous source which they are encouraged to wear  that night. The final commercial of the evening has all the individual players from the previous commercials meeting at the evening's event in which a female entertainer (whom I wouldn't know) performs. I don't get the message unless it's to notify the viewers that affordable-for-everyone Target chain is in an ad partnership with the people that own the high-priced and exclusive Neiman-Marcus stores. And why would they want to do that? I suspect this will probably be a successful advertising gimmick. I personally think it shows a lack of respect for the show itself since it completely rips down the fourth wall, reminds the viewer that it's all fake anyway, and turns most of the characters into sales clerks.

Close encounters of the turd kind.

I was surprised to see this photo in the Huffington Post. It is very unusual for Martian Rick Scott to allow himself to be shot with the mother ship. What you can't see are the wires from the ship to his battery acid-filled dome. He tells people he shaves his head, but of course Martians don't have hair nor even eyebrows (Maybelline). Many people think that Scott has a naturally goofy grin, but this is the idiotic expression all of his fellow Martians sport. He can actually play songs on those theuromyanic teeth. Just as well the Republicans lost so big. There was a lot of trouble brewing in the Republican party. It seems that Romney was upset when Scott, who was born and raised on Mars, told him that Mormonism was all bullshit and there were no Latter Day planets floating around, ruled by deceased Mormons. Or as Scott so coldly put it, "Trust me Mitzie. Dead is dead." If Scott had feelings he would be upset to know he'll never serve another term, but apparently he's already stolen and embezzled enough money to purchase all the things his planet needs and get the hell off of Earth.  I doubt that he'll hold office on the Red Planet. Even Martians aren't that stupid.

The good is of course a second term for President Barack Obama, the election of Elizabeth Warren in Massachusetts, the defeat of misogynists Mourdock and Akin,  and the return of Allan Grayson to the Florida house.  The bad is the election or reelection of any Republican, Teapartier and Blue Dog Democrat who is sure to be as obstructionist as he or she has been for the past four years. And the ugly—the truly ugly—is the amazing reelection of one of the most insane pols in history: Michele Bachmann. That this rabid nutcase is allowed to hold political office is an embarrassment to her state and a sad comment on the mental stability of those who voted for her.

And yet another

I don't know how much Sheldon Adelson spent in his lame attempt to get Romney elected to the presidency. I do know he  vowed to spend as much as $100 million since he knew that Mittsy could get him some big tax cuts. But alas it was not to be. I wonder if Adelson, the Koch Brothers, and all the other belligerent billionaires are cursing the inept Romney this morning rather than themselves for being such fools for betting on a  horse that ran in so many directions. 

Another ugly American.

That hypocritical old bastard Billy Graham turns 94 today. I wonder if he has asked God why he chose Barack Obama over Mitt Romney when he and so many other pseudo-Christians has hoped otherwise? Maybe it's because there is no god, or, if there is, that he was so repulsed by the avarice and bigotry of Graham and millions of other "Christians" that he wanted to bitch slap them. Whichever the case, the rickety old evangelist did not have his prayers answered and being 94 will probably (and hopefully)  die during the administration of a man he so eagerly fought against.

Note: To paraphrase a popular expression, "The nut doesn't fall far from the tree." Today, Nov. 16, the seriously unChristian Franklin Fruitcake Graham, son of the evil evangelist Billy, said that with the election of Obama the only thing that can save America is complete collapse and redemption. Sorry to offend millions of worshippers worldwide, but if you think anybody in this family is truly religious and Christian then you deserve to be parted from all the money they have managed to talk out out of.

The unhappiest man in Washington.

One of the great pleasures of Obama's reelection is knowing how miserable it will make this vindictive old turkey. Does this ugly old man realize how much destruction he has done to America in his racist vendetta again one of our finest presidents. Worse, does Mitch McConnell intend to continue his evil antics and petulant behavior? Or is he ready to throw in the towel and see if he regain even a shred of decency and fairness? I doubt it. A face doesn't get like that by good deeds and harmonious compromise. Each line and crevice is carved by continual scowling and pouting. And the waddle? That is created by the constant negative shaking of the head.

Amnesia?

The day after the election I made the mistake of watching Joe Scarborough's morning show. His guest Chris Matthews and he both praised Romney's concession speech, which is fine, but in doing so they suggested that Romney was really a good person, a man of character, true to his religion and essentially decent. Bullshit! Romney ran a deceitful, repulsive, slimy campaign. Not the campaign any man of character would run. So as much as I admired Chris for being a leader in the battle for Obama's second term, I really dislike him for giving the despicable Mitt Romney a pass for his bald faced lies, smirking attitude and poor sportsmanship.

Not funny, McGee.

Every time I am critical of SNL on HuffPost, I get all kinds of vicious replies from fans who obviously don't know good comedy writing when they see it. Since nobody seems to know how to respond to my blog, or wants to, I'm in no danger. It's not that I don't think SNL is amusing at times, but generally it is high-school comedy writing that completely misses its mark by either being too obvious or far too over the top. All too often they try to satirize something that is already satire, like almost anything that Sarah Palin says. Compared to such British shows as Brilliant, The Big Train,  or French and Saunders SNL is pathetic. Its humor is sophomoric, it's imitations generally weak, and its so-called stars second-rate at best. Amy Poehler doesn't even come close to seeming anything like Hillary Clinton. Tina Fey was excellent as Palin because she looks like her, but her delivery was no more hysterical than that of Sarah herself. While I accept that most people seem to praise SNL, I find almost every skit sadly without true wit, subtlety or depth. In short,  I find SNL the most overrated show on television. You may not agree, but  at least you probably won't write me a nasty response.

Warning. Danger ahead.

America needs a Vice President, not an evangelist. This guy is bat crazy nuts. He's obsessed with Catholic propaganda and could never serve a country with diverse religions. He's sexually stunted, frighteningly misogynistic, emotionally immature, and as suited to serve in office as Pat Robertson. Also, as you can see from his attacks on Obama, he's unChristianly vicious and shamelessly dishonest. We are fighting the Taliban in Afghanistan but seem unable to recognize the insane proselytizers we have here.

I miss the movies..and the palaces.

I used to love going to the movies. Especially when I was a kid in Boston and most films were shown at so-called movie palaces. Theaters like the RKO Keith, the Metropolitan, and the Paramount were opulent settings to see the latest products of Hollywood. Boston, unlike a lot of cities, always had double features, plus, of course, previews of coming attractions (we didn't call them trailers) and possibly a cartoon. Seeing Spartacus at the Astor was a thrill because the theater was spectacular and spacious and there were two sets of curtains that parted dramatically as the film began. Seeing Cinerama at the Boston Theater was another thrill when Lowell Thomas—who had given a rather tedious opening speech on a small screen in black and white—suddenly said, "Ladies and Gentlemen, this is Cinerama" at which point the red curtains parted to reveal the biggest movie screen any of us had ever seen using the new three-camera process that gave the viewer the added realism of peripheral vision. And on that screen, in glorious color,  the car of a roller coast suddenly rumbled out and took us for a close-to-real ride on a wooden roller coaster. But that was then, when movies were fun, the theaters were grand, and presentation was part of the experience. Not any more. For one thing there are no palaces. There are multiplexes where most theaters are good sized, but often you're condemned to a small screening room. And people no longer know how to behave at movies. They talk. They put their feet over the seat in front of them. They eat loudly, often of odorous treats like nachos. And, worst of all, they constantly check their cell phones so that at any given moment in the film, you are distracted by lighted screens to the left or right of you, in the next row or rows and rows and rows away. Like I say, no fun. Pity because this Christmas I would like to see Les Miserables on the big screen at the local multiplex. But I've only had pleasant experiences with this musical which I have seen four times. Why ruin it now. I think I'll wait till it's on television.

Note: Imagine this: The magnificent stairway above was the way we slum kids would ascend to the balcony of Boston's Metropolitan Theatre to see such films as The House of Wax. Even more amazing is that so many other theaters were equally impressive.

Just bought the 7-oz can of Edge Shaving Gel at Publix for 2.29 after pricing it at Walgreen's where it was 4.49. How do these thieves stay in business?

A rhyme for our time.

It seems there's no stopping

Mitt's flipping and flopping

And the jaw-dropping lies that he tells.

With every new whopper,

This flipper and flopper

Thinks it's a story that sells.

But each flip seems to flop

And each flop is so flip

That he constantly trips on each lie.

So while some people flip

And may vote for this flop,

Most voters just stop and ask, "Why?"