I should know better.

One of the most worthless foods a consumer can buy (Is it even a food?) is Kellogg's Pop Tarts. There are eight or more overpriced Pop Tarts in each box, two per thin foil package, and each individual tart weighing in at a hefty 180 calories. I have to admit that every now and then I get a craving for this rectangle of sugar and suspicious everything else. I buy a box, damage my body with its contents and am content to do without for another year. Bur even when I succumb to this craving, I resent Kellogg's for the obscene price tag they put on this nearly worthless product. Not only worthless, but dangerous. After just a short time in the toaster, these pop-up pastries are lava hot and one can get burned transferring each volcanic treat to a plate—something that is very difficult to do without having the pastry crack, revealing the miserly amount of filling beneath the fragile crust. Still I buy them, consume them and hate myself for participating in any way to the greediness of Kellogg, a company I find despicably unprincipled since they attempt to create a wholesome all-American image while they sell consumers all around the world boxes mostly filled with Battle Creek air. But then Kellogg always had a tinge of flim-flam since William Kellogg founded the company as a sanitarium in 1906. Wow that's over 100 years of selling nearly empty boxes. And, since 1967, nourishment-free Frosted Pop Tarts.

Breaking Away

I suspect that one biker in a hundred actually needs the support and comfort of these comical Lycra Spandex costumes: for a long-distance ride or actual race. But that doesn't stop a far greater percentage of pretentious pseudo-marathoners from donning these skin-tight long-line girdles and comic book shoes to bike for a couple of miles. Actually it seems to me that in recent years people have become much more natural, much more themselves. Ergo these "athletes" remain one of the last categories of "look at me" affectation.

Who really orders these DVDs?

I could be totally wrong about this and bringing too much of myself to this post, but I am very suspicious of these Time/Life videos. It seems highly disingenuous of the makers to suggest that these are fascinating chronicles for those many many scholars interested in the rise of the Nazi machine. I am sure they are just as frequently ordered by weirdos who, if not actual Nazi sympathizers, get some kind of charge out of the horror of these videos. I can't imagine spending money so that I can settle down for an evening and watch the horrors of concentration camps, the paranoiac fear that pervaded Berlin in the early days, and seeing how easily an entire society could suddenly start turning on its neighbors and turning in its friends. There is no question this was a fascinating, if horrendous, chapter in history. And, while we certainly shouldn't forget what happened it seems morbid to me to want to relive it through actual videos. I suspect the Time/Life series, "The Nazis, A Warning from History" profits from sickos as well as scholars. And I don't think this would come as any surprise to the marketing department, who couldn't care less.

Publix, where shopping is expensive and average.

Not only do I find the Publix commercials insipid and insincere but I don't find shopping at Publix a pleasure despite their endlessly repeated slogan. For one thing, it's expensive. For another many of their clerks, though well-meaning, never know where anything is, but don't hesitate to tell me an aisle number that's absolutely wrong. The music they play, at least at my Publix, is too loud and far from my taste. When I'm shopping, I don't want to hear rock music screaming in my ear, especially not songs that have a single lyric repeated ad infinitum. I would guess in the past two months I have heard Tina Turner sing, "What's Love Got to Do with It?" 20 times, a song I don't like even once. Don't get me wrong: I don't hate Publix and, other than the music, there's nothing that really annoys me. But I do find their commercials saccharine and their sense that they are so agreeable a bit inflated. I've been shopping at Publix for years and can't recall a single incident where an employee remembered my preferences as their commercials don't suggest, but proclaim. Their latest commercials are particularly odd because they makes statements that suggest the customer's satisfaction is even more important than the quality of the food or service. Like the last line of this commercial, " While knowing our way behind the counter is important, knowing who's on the other side is even more." No, it isn't.

The insanity of salaries.

Vanna White is a pretty women, beautiful even, and she looks wonderful in every dress she wears on the "Wheel of Fortune". Her job doesn't require much: she must smile, clap a lot, move gracefully and, of course, turn over letters. She has been doing this since 1982.And, I am guessing, she is a very dependable employee and a pleasure to work with. But I find it astonishing that her annual salary is reported to be as high as $4 million. Even if it's only $2 million that's an incredible amount of money for someone who is basically a 54-year old model. But what amazes even more is how she got that salary. She does not strike me as someone who would insist angrily that her letter-turning skills are worth a fortune. Nor can I imagine the show's producers feeling that she is absolutely indispensable and there is not another model who couldn't, after a brief adjustment, fit right in. So, it must be that the show makes so much money, the producers can say, "Oh, what the hell. Give her a two million dollar raise. We can afford it." In which cases she's a very lucky woman since I assume thousands of equally beautiful women would think $200,000 a princely price for this princess's job. Well more power to her. But I find salaries very disturbing. not because so many people are overpaid but because so many hard-working, dependable, valuable people are so grossly underpaid.

Note: Pat Sajak's salary is a well-guarded secret. But one can only imagine how much he's paid in relation to Vanna. However, like Vanna, he seems to be a genuinely nice person unlike so many millionaires we love to hate.

P.S. I wouldn't want anyone to think I watch "Wheel." I find it incredibly tedious and over-hyped. But I usually catch the fnal puzzle before watching "Jeopardy." Oh, my God. How much must Alex make!

"Where are the talents of yesteryear?"

With Comcast, I have dozens and dozens of stations. But more often than not, I find there is nothing to watch.Even my favorite station Turner Classic Movies tends to show the same popular classics night after night, reserving the less-well-known films for afternoons and the wee small hours. Why don't they realize that true film fans have seen all the well-known flicks and would like to view the rarities? I have zero interest in reality shows and couldn't care less who lost more poundage or who survived on the supposedly deserted island where a crew of fifty is watching your every move. All"CSI"are the same and so is every detective show where the older veteran has a hunky or curvy partner. Most of these have two-second scenes which gives me a headache and 42 commercials which is intolerable.The MSNBC lineup is always interesting, but sometimes too depressing and, again, far too many commercials. Jon Stewart is usually terrific and often not, the same is true of Bill Maher. Dramas like "Scrubs" are often so mauldlin and manipulative you could vomit, which is why I don't watch them. I like true crime shows like "Forensic Files" (the best), but some of the new ones are incredibly stupid like the one that is narrated by the person who was murdered. How stupid is that? "Disappeared" is compelling until you realize you are not going to learn how the disappeared disappeared or where he, she or they have gone. Other crime shows have these arty directors with their jittery cameras which I find unwatchable. "Jeopardy" is always good, but only the last puzzle on" Wheel of Fortune" is worth watching because of all that hyped-up applause and acting is if discovering a letter is Nobel-prize worthy. HBO is entertaining, but since they can say fuck and every other curse they go completely overboard in the use of vulgarities and everyone swears endlessly and in the same tone of voice. Not to mention that "Game of Thrones" was a bore. Daytime tv is complete loss from the insipid morning shows with their corral of over-hyped Kansans to the lowest of all entertainment forms: the soap opera. But don't think I don't watch tv that absolutely fascinates and thrills me, astonishes me with its quality writing, dazzles me with its costumes and productions and impresses me that superior quality of acting and directing. I do. I have been especially thrilled for endless hours this year with two excellent series: "Upstairs/Downstairs" and "The House of Eliot". Of course the first one originally ran from 1971-1975, and the second from 1991-1994. And each collection cost me in excess of $100 with both well worth it. But isn't it obscene that with televisions potential to entertain and enlighten, I have to go back at least 40 years to find programming of significant quality?

Note: I realize the titles or programs should be in italics and not quotes, but for some reason this blog isn't always willing to accommodate me.

"Are you sure you work here?"

There is a mysterious stupidity going around. I experience it a lot. It seems that many people have no idea of who they work for or what they sell. I will often ask a clerk where a certain item is only to be told that they store does not sell that product. After walking around, I will find it. The clerk is never apologetic. The other morning I sent a color invitation by computer to Staples because I don't have a color copier. When I arrived at the store at 8:45 am there was nobody in the print department. I mentioned this to the only clerk at a register. "They don't open till 9:30." he informed me. I had to decide whether to come back 45 minutes later or hang around. I went back to the same clerk and said, "I don't mind waiting around, but are you sure there'll be someone there at 9:30?" He assured me there would, so I wandered around the store. About five minutes later a female clerk smiled at me. "Can I help you with anything?" she asked. "No. Just waiting for the print department to open." I said with my best martyred tone."But it is open. It opens at 8. I'll get someone to help you." Someone did help me and I was out there within twenty minutes, but nobody could tell me, or seemed to care, why the clerk said it didn't open till 9:30 and he was nowhere around. I find that life has more and more mysteries like this one.

Running for two weeks is so tiring.

This is one of the numerous commercials running today that appears to be clever, but is far from clear. What is the message. Exercise endlessly but let your life go to pot. Don't answer the phone, clean the house, pay the bills, mow the grass, just run, run, run. I'm sure the art director and copywriter are high-fiving themselves for their clever, clever concept. But what is it, actually? Not only do I find commercials like this annoyingly pretentious, but they are not even well thought out. I think that house is far too fusty and old-hat for this young—I'm guessing "cool"— male runner. Does he really arrange fruit in a bowl? have a old-style dining room table for six? keep such an outdated message machine? Also it isn't logical. The admonition "Run longer" is not the correct message. The only way to make this commercial meaningful is to write something like: "Shoes so comfortable, you may find you're running longer and longer and longer." As I said before, I would love to see the creative team presenting these oddball concepts.

Note: This video was available for a while and now has been removed. By whom I don't know. Anyway, the spot opens with a seedy looking house face and a newspaper being added to the many others. Inside we see a seemingly abandoned kitchen with rotting fruit, a beeping phone machine with 57 messages, and rooms dusty and apparently deserted. Cut to the outside again as a young man wearing Basics running shoes, shorts and a tee-shirt arrives home. The legend on the screen: Run longer.

We despise our customers and it shows.

As I've written before no advertisers have more contempt for their customers than beer companies. In most of their commercials they are saying: Our customers are sophomoric, sex-crazed men who cannot form solid friendships and when they are not making fun of their comrades they're making fools of themselves usually over sexy women because these guys are so emotionally immature. This new campaign for Miller is another example of that contempt. And it's probably true of their customers if they are so idiotic that they even for a moment equate their beer purchase with being manly. I don't drink beer, but the only commercials I can recall that seem to appeal to intelligent men are those for Samuel Adams.

Note: Why would having a Miller Lite Beer be manning up? Why not bourbon, rye or Scotch? One could argue that beer is for wimps and real men drink hard liquor. That's how stupid this advertising campaign is.

Another daffy news day.

Today, July 19, was a big news day. Obama announced that the so-called Gang of Six had come to an agreement about a deficit-reduction plan. That's big. Rupert Murdoch, his son James and Rebekah Brooks appeared before Parliament today to explain the recent phone hacking scandal. That's big. So what does the ABC Evening News lead with? The man who tried to throw a pie in Rupert's face. A nothing incident. What the hell is wrong with America's news networks? To make it worse they practically hailed Rupert's wife Wendi Deng as a heroine for rushing to her husband's defense. What wife wouldn't if her husband was worth billions of dollars and not that far from the grave? The second fabulously covered story was the heat wave that's enveloping most of the country. Once again ABC (and I'm sure all the other networks) stressed the oppressive heat and then showed us sufferers out in the sun. If it's so damned hot, what they hell don't these people doing move to the shade or go inside? Does anyone remember when news was news?

Note: It is now July 20th, and the world is still falling apart. But at this moment MSNBC is doing extensive coverage on Wendi Deng whose rescuing Rupert from a pie thrower is apparently equal to saving passengers from the Titanic. Murdoch's mother it seems didn't believe that this slender, attractive Oriental was in love with her grumpy, unattractive, ramshackle, elderly son and considered Wendi a designing women, but the news has agreed to see her as nothing less than the bravest, most intelligent woman of the 21st century. At least for this news cycle. I wonder what else happened in the world today.

Note: It is now July 21st and Wendi Murdoch's meaningless assault on the pie thrower is still in the news. It was a special feature on ABC News and even MSNBC, whom I usually admire,made several earlier references. But interestingly tonight on Hardball, Michael Smerconish, filling in for Chris Matthews, posed the question as to whether the pie-throwing was, in fact, staged by Murdoch himself to deflect attention from his testimony and focus on his half-his-age wife. Possible. Murdoch certainly is canny enough to know the lazy and stupid news media would leap on such a story and gladly put all of his crimes in the background.

Champagne over the Atlantic.

There are two Britain-related expressions that I would like to never hear again. Both of them are trite, tired and, I suspect, never used by residents of the British Isle. The are "bubbly" and "across the pond." I know that bubbly is idiotic because I got it from a fabulous source, Lord Freddie Laker. In 1981, at Miami's Hume-Smith-Mickelberry, when the copywriter for Laker Airways was fired, I had to take over the account. Among this writer's many gems was, "a bit of the bubbly." in reference to the champagne served on every flight. When I objected to this nauseating expression, I was voted down as everyone at the agency thought it was wonderfully charming and very British. Happily at the recording session Mr. Freddy himself referred to it as, "Fucking ridiculous. Who says that?" Unfortunately I don't have any anecdote to back up my hatred of "across the pond" and with the recent wedding it was used endlessly by all the network anchors.

Note: I didn't agree with Sir Freddy on everything. In late 1981, knowing Princess Diana was pregnant, I wanted to use as a billboard slogan, "Air to the British Throne." It was rejected. Not that it mattered. The Princess gave birth in June 1982, but Laker Airways went bankrupt the previous February.

"Anyway, the guy was this wide..."

There is something that a lot of people do. I always regard it as incredibly dangerous. It seems to me that because they do it, they could suddenly meet with an accident in which they could be killed. But so far I have never heard of anyone being killed this way, so I am probably wrong. I must admit I would like to hear of at least one death or at least a serious accident so that I won't feel so foolishly judgemental every time this happens, which is often. All right here it is. I am often walking along the bike path toward the Metro Station, often with a friend.(Although this situation has occurred in many places, many cities.) Suddenly, without any notice a person on a bicycle will pass close to me on the right without a horn or verbal warning. I never heard this person coming and he or she is quickly gone. But it always occurred to me that if I were to make a broad gesture to explain something to my friend at that point, I would hit the bicycler in the chest and knock him flat or send him flying into a tree. If I were walking the other way away from the Metro Station, I could actually cause him to careen into the oncoming traffic of the nearby unfenced highway. Hmmm. Maybe it would make a good crime story where someone does it on purpose, timing the passing of the bike with the swinging of the arms and having a convenient witness to swear it all was an terrible accident.

Damn it! Another improvement.

I have Comcast Internet. I don't like Comcast. But I don't like any of the other monopolies any better. And they all do something that drives me mad: make improvements. It seems that every time my system is updated or improved it becomes harder to use. Actually I'm not even sure who does all of the improvements. Is it Comcast or some mysterious and intrusive manager of computers? When I first got this system, e-mail was a breeze. You pushed a button, your e-mails popped up, you read them and never gave it another thought. But recently they made yet another improvement. Now my e-mail appears slowly on a far more complex grid. For some bizarre reason a legend asks me if I wish to see the entire box. Why wouldn't I? That's an extra step. Each mail takes longer to appear, longer to disappear. The address book is more of a pain. It's complicated and badly written. And where once setting up a group e-mail took moments, now I can't figure out how to do it all. I think most things get worse with improvement. Not just computer applications, but products. Irons and toasters were much better thirty years ago and far less expensive. I admit I'm a bit of a luddite, but I can appreciate when something is wonderfully simple or needlessly complicated. For instance while I write this post I am looking at the listing above the writing area. There are six categories, none of which I have ever needed. But one says "Monetize." I wonder what that does and just how necessary it is.

If you're going to hire actors to pretend to be customers or company representatives, you shouldn't hire actors that look and talk exactly like actors. This Amica ad is too slick, smooth, and filled with attractive men and women you could easily see waiting in the casting agent's office. This is not an ad that particularly irritates me but a friend brought to my attention and he's right—too phony. I include it because there are so many commercials out there that make the same mistake of casting their spots with obvious actors. I happen to detest this commercial for another reason. It is another of those endless pitches in which one person (actor) finishes the line of the previous speaker. I was clever the first time decades ago, but now it's tired, very, very tired.

How's that again?

One of the frustrating things about doing a blog is that I often see a commercial or ad I really dislike, but cannot locate a copy on the internet.That's true of a print ad that really annoys me. (I know, I should buy a scanner. And I will, at some point.) Since I can't show you the ad, let me describe it. It is for the Energizer zero-mercury hearing aid battery. Quite simply it shows an grey-haired man wheeling a laughing girl of about eight across the lawn in a wheelbarrow. So far, so good. But the headline below the photo is, "Did she say grumpy old clown? Or grandpa slow down?" Who approved this inane headline? Why would a smiling young child say, "grumpy old clown"? She wouldn't. It's an idiotic choice of words. If anything, it can only suggest that her grandfather is a paranoid old fool who, in the middle of this fun moment, begins to imagine that his grandchild is verbally attacking him. In which case, he doesn't need the Energizer battery for his hearing aid, but the help of a psychiatrist. This ad surprises me. I expect more from the Energizer Bunny.

Bravo, J.G. Wentworth

Usually when advertisers try to do operettas they fail miserably. Either they are badly directed, poorly written, or inaccessible to those who are not opera fans. J.G. Wentworth broke that mold with a series of operetta commercials—every one brilliantly directed and performed. In fact, they are all so good, I had a hard time choosing just one for this blog. In addition to being wonderfully conceived and executed, they wisely reinforced their main message: I need cash now. How often are advertisers smart enough to do that? Usually they chase all kinds of other themes while ignoring their main message. I know nothing about this company, but I congratulate them for having the good taste and courage to greenlight these commercials and, of course, I have only the highest praise for their advertising agency.

Litter litter.

I don't save things. Unlike hoarders I get the greatest pleasure from tossing things out. But there are some things I feel very guilty about trashing. My friend Gady once pointed out to me that a simple butter tub with lid, while trash to us, would be a prized container in poor countries.The same is true of so many items we dispose of without thought: tin cans, the plastic dishes from microwaved meals, glass jars, even a Coke bottle. We are so spoiled by having so much we don't even recognize the value of most packages any more. It's a pity there isn't any easy way to get our valuable trash to countries where it could be used again and again. This was brought home to me this morning because of the new kitty litter I started using. While most litters come in worthless cardboard boxes, or bags which are a real pain in the ass, Cat's Pride, which I get at Publix, is packaged in a plastic jug. But not just a jug, but a 20-pound-capacity white plastic jug with a strong easy-grip molded handle and a large round pouring spout with a green twist-on cap. In other words, a jug of surprising quality and design considering the litter costs less than most others of the same size. Anyway, the point is, that one uses the litter and tosses away this container, which could carry gallons of water to primitive villages for years. Or, cut up, could probably be turned into dozens of other practical and durable items for people not as privileged as we are. But what am I to do? Not toss it? Start stacking them up in the garage hoping that some day I'll find a way to get them to those who need such items? Of course not. I'll waste them like I, like we, waste so many other products without actually thinking, "Now who could use this?"

2011 Toyota Venza Commercial - Social Network

i find this commercial very bizarre in that it suggests that this girl, by introducing her parents to Facebook, has made them far more social. In fact, it's just the opposite. Networks like Facebook help people avoid face-to-face friendships and any kind of serious interaction. Having belonged for awhile I was amazed at the shallow items my one-time friends were posting instead of anything meaningful. Since I had no interest in where they had dinner the night before or any desire to look at their vacation photos, I cancelled my membership. That may not even be the term and it seems you can't cancel anyway as Facebook reminds you that you can always return at a moment's notice, a fact I prefer not to know. The girl herself boasts that she has 687 friends. You can imagine how deep and satisfying those friendships are. You will also notice that this social butterfly is talking to us while she sits alone in front of a computer screen.

Hope springs eternal.

While many legitimate medicines like aspirin, Aleve and Advil falsely promise immediate relief, one does get fast relief. It is the illegitimate medicines, drugs and "natural" remedies who are more deceptive. Knowing the crap they sell you has no effect at all they include statements like, "You should see results in 8 to 12 weeks." Since each bottle, tube or spray is usually a month's supply, you have purchased three in the hopes of a miraculous deblemishing,uncelluliting, reenergizing, hirsuting, or just plain euphoria. By the time you realize you have wasted your money on the product and the $250,000 shipping and handling charges, they have made their money and can move on to other gullible dreamers.

Madison Ave. Medicine Men

It's easy to see from reading my blog that I think there are far too many commercials on television. But what's even more disturbing is that so many of them are outright lies. Like this Aleve commercial. I like Aleve. I use Aleve.But there is no way it provides all-day relief. It doesn't. You take it, it helps, and in a few hours you need it again. This commercial is a lie. So are dozens of others for all kinds of pain relievers from Bayer Aspirin to Zantac. Ad agencies feel they can make any claim they want to and get away with it. And they're right. One of the biggest advertising frauds is Dr. Scholl's. While some of their products may alleviate some problems, they don't provide the instant and miraculous cures promised on their commercials. The gelling spots are outright frauds. When I have more time I'm going to make a list of products that don't work at all, like—uhhhh mmmm— cough medicines.

Stlll walking on empty.

It's been over a year since I posted "What's in that suitcase you're carrying" but I had to bitch about it again. Why? Because I've seen so many new movies and tv shows since then and everybody's suitcase is still empty. I cannot believe there isn't one director out there who has the sense to make a character's luggage look like it has something in it. But no director does. You can be totally immersed in the scene in which the husband is packing his suit, his shirts, his shoes, a framed photo of the children, and—yes—that 15-pound football trophy. In the next shot, he's leaving the house and lo and behold he's carrying that suitcase as if it were absolutely empty, which it is. Let's take an actual film. Last night I watched The Valley of the Dolls (which for some unfair reason is rated as a bomb when it's very entertaining) and Barbara Parkins left her Massachusetts home to head off to New York City. What was she carrying? An empty suitcase. Now this was a multi-million dollar picture. I am sure they knocked themselves out about costuming, sets, makeup, continuity, and everything else. That is everything except the reality of a less-than-featherweight suitcase. I don't what the above photo is for, but this young woman is not having any slope-shouldered difficulty carrying those two suitcases.

Note: This same complaint goes for grocery bags in movies. Our heroine (It's usually a woman) drives up to the house, carries in the light-as-air grocery bags, puts them on the counter, and in the next scene is unloading such heavy items as a half-gallon of milk or watermelon.

A new feature: Jerk of the Week.

It's pouring outside. It has been for hours. While Miami has never set the standard for civilized behavior, I still marvel at the thoughtlessness of some people. Today it's a company called Bilmar Electric. They are working on the house next door. Seeing as they are the only people in the world, they have parked their large white van completely across the sidewalk. Thus anyone coming down this semi-busy street in the pouring rain has to detour by walking through the wet grass of the tree lawn and stepping into the dangerous traffic of the street before returning across still more wet grass to the sidewalk once they have avoided this van. Now one could argue that Bilmar didn't notice how inconsiderate they were being. But I politely asked one of the workers if he could move their truck so pedestrians didn't have to step into the street. He grunted his annoyance at such an unreasonable request and now, an hour later, the van remains across the sidewalk in the still pouring rain. Ergo: Bilmar Electric is our first Jerk of the Week.

Almost as good as new.

What's not to love about this commercial? Adorable animals being rescued from the horrors of an oil spill by good-hearted people and a company that actually cares about wildlife. I have always bought Palmolive detergent, but not any more. It's a pity more companies don't find a good cause that in fits with their product as Dawn did. Any suggestions?

Note: Dawn is a division of Procter & Gamble. I wonder how much autonomy such products have in creaing programs like this.

Is anybody there?

Does anybody work any more? It seems that every time I have to call somebody for information and have a contact number, they are never there. If I leave a message, nine times out of ten nobody will call me back. We are told these are tough economic times, but it appears that nobody is eager to make a sale or contact.Today I had to call Paragon Theatres in Coconut Grove to find out when they are showing their limited engagement opera programs and to encourage them to promote the events to generate more sales since there was no advance publicity for their recent showing of Company. All for nought since the manager was not there. Surprising since these are very elegant and expensive theaters located in the very site where AMC theaters failed. You would think to avoid the same fate (especially considering their ticket price is a high $11.00) they would be eager to meet the needs of a movie-going public. Yet this is only one incident of a company that doesn't seem to want to turn a profit. I've had the same problem with optometrists, physicians, repair shops, restaurants and any number of other supposed businesses.

Lying through their teeth.

Have you had gingivitis? Do you know someone who has? According to this Crest commercial one in two people gets gingivitis so you should know dozens of people who are suffering from or been treated for gingivitis. But I doubt that you do. I think this is an outrageous exaggeration and I can't imagine why Crest thinks anyone will believe it. Making such a statement brings into question all their other claims for fewer cavities, whiter teeth, better checkups. There was a time when there were watchdogs to protect consumers from these kind of absurd claims. But it seems that truth in advertising has gone by the wayside. Pity.

Introducing the 3033 Chevrolet.

While this commercial is charming and nostalgic and features the friendly strains of "You Are My Sunshine" it ends with the stupidest line I've ever heard in a commercial: "As long as there are babies, there'll be Chevys to bring them home." Who came up with that idiotic slogan? Does Chevrolet really believe they will be making their product a thousand years from now? ten thousand? because there are sure to still be babies. Plus it's kind of a grand statement for a company that could have disappeared in recent years if the auto industry hadn't been rescued. More and more I would love to be a fly on the wall when agencies are presenting their creative to the client. When they trotted out this absurd line, didn't a single Chevy executive smile and say, "That's kind of a big promise wouldn't you say?" What could the account man and the copywriter possibly say in response? Maybe they just said, "Consumers will love it. It doesn't have to make sense." And they were probably right.

A hideous story.

I'm very forgiving about a lot of things, but not about animal cruelty. I believe that anybody who can mistreat an innocent animal is beyond redemption. Kids, no matter how old, who are cruel to animals should be watched very carefully for the rest of their lives.
Because sure as hell anyone who can torture a cat or a bird can easily graduate to a person. Such monsters made the news in Miami yesterday, a group of teen-aged boys who tried to drown a 3-year-old Shih Tzu in a canal at Northwest 183rd Street. These creeps had stuffed the poor dog into a plastic bag and attached a brick to its hind leg. Fortunately a young man named Carlos Torres witnessed the cruel crime, jumped into the canal and saved thy piteously crying dog. The news report did not say whether they caught these sadistic little shits, nor did it say how one can reach Mr. Torres to commend him for his bravery. We do know the dog has a disintegrated femur and is scheduled for surgery on Monday. The procedure will cost about $1,500. If you want to donate money for this dog's surgery, please visit www.furangelsrescue.com.

Note: The dog shown is not the one tossed into the canal. But imagine just how cowardly, how heartless, how demented a teen-ager must be to take such a small, helpless creature and attempt to murder it. If the perpetrators have been identified, their parents should feel a ton of shame and fear for the future.

If you believe in god, don't read this.

I'm sure this post is going to offend many good friends and strangers, but c'est la vie. Simply stated, I don't understand how, in 2011, anyone can still believe in god.

How is that possible? We're surrounded by technological marvels. We appreciate that we are just one little speck in an endless universe. There is every evidence that the earth is billions of years old and that evolution is more than just a theory. Yet millions think that god just moseyed along after eons and eons to have a chat with a bunch of sandaled desert rats, limit himself to a small section of the world he supposedly created and lay down all kinds of laws which people still cling to today.And while god was with all these biblical pals he never once mentioned the rest of the universe, all the other neat places on earth, or hinted at the possibility of electricity, tv, or any other later developments. Why? Because he didn't know because he didn't exist. The bible can only relate what its inventors knew at the time. The idea that anyone, anyone, believes in heaven or hell is stupefying. Especially when they think cats, dogs and every other animal just checks out forever. The arrogance to imagine that you are so worthwhile that god can't wait to have you hanging around heaven for eternity, or that somebody else is so evil the only appropriate punishment is eternal hell. If that were true god, who does not exist, would have to be some kind of bipolar sadist, which would be why he gives some people everything and makes others lives miserable. Now while it's true that some believes in god and Christ live their lives according to the biblical teachings and are really nice people, other supposed Christians like Tony Perkins, for instance, are real shits. So believing in god doesn't even have any value. Nice people would be nice anyway and the others would be just as rotten. So here I sit at a computer in 2011 at a time when we are going farther and farther into space, when we are growing body parts, finding cures, making all kinds of astonishing discoveries and producing new inventions every day,and yet, and yet, the news is still yapping about religious battles, we still see robed and turbaned zealots left over from the 13th century and bespectacled biblical scholars are still arguing over the burning bush and where the damn ark landed. And all the while billion are living lives of misery, hunger and suffering whiile others are luxuriating in existences of comfort and extreme privilege. And most of them believe there is a god. It's mind blowing. And annoying as hell because as convinced as I am there is no god, I can't prove it; just as those who are convinced there is cannot prove it. But while they piously insist they have faith on their side, I can smugly proclaim that on my side is just plain old common sense.

They don't make them better than this.

All right, July is in the middle of the year. And what I think doesn't really matter. But, hell, it's hot and I really don't care if anyone disagrees with me or disapproves of my timing. With that said, I name this Subaru commercial the best ad of the year. It has everything I want in a commercial: a clear message, no crappy music, believable actors and heart. It is especially appealing as an automobile commercial when all the others look alike, sound alike and have really cool people driving too fast usually at night on rainy streets. Those make me switch the channel or mute the volume; this I watch again and again.