Something worth watching on your Made-in-Taiwan TV.

ABC News is running an interesting series this week: Made in America. They went to a home in Dallas where the family agreed to remove everything that wasn't made in American and replace it with something that was. Tonight's episode only dealt with the removal, which was extensive. No surprise to find that very little in their home was made in America. So out went the knick-knacks, furniture, fabrics, toys, kitchen appliances, just about everything. The family came home to an empty house.Now it will be interesting to see if they can replace all the removed items with American products. This is serious stuff because it proves what idiots we are to have let politicans sell our country out from under us. America is get weaker and weaker and it's our own fault. We didn't care when they stopped manufacturing products here and we didn't complain when practically every item in every store came from some other country. I, for one, will make every effort to purchase products completely made in he U.S. (not just assembled here) even if they cost more. The only products that I'm aware of being made in America are all the clear plastic storage bins I have made by Sterite. They're strong, they're good quality and they don't cost very much, at least not at Big Lots. Sadly I use them to store all the crap I've purchased that comes from China, India, Bangladesh, Mexico and other countries not us. I really plan to change that.

Why "Why" Puerto Rico?

This is a print campaign that completely mystifies me. (This by the way is just one of many posters, most without the Expo sell at the bottom.) Surpringly it's for Puerto Rico which has done excellent campaigns in the past. This one, however, seems off-center. As you can see the slogan is "Discover Why Puerto Rico Does it Better." Shouldn't the line be "Discover How Puerto Rico Does it Better"? How can you discover a why? That suggests a motive and unless some hotel maid of beach boy is willing to reveal the secret, I don't see how you can find out on your own. The only possible why is to keep you coming back, which is true of any resort island. No great secret there. Shouldn't they be promoting how they do it better? I don't see any logic in this campaign. If you do, please tell me what it is.

Why I'm mad at Martha.

I have a gripe with Martha Stewart, one that I addressed to her company without ever receiving a reply. So I might as well tell you why I am so annoyed. Recently I had both of my bathrooms redone. All I had to do was paint them. I went to Home Depot and purchased Martha Stewart paint at the exhobitant price of $27.00 a gallon. Since the areas to be painted were primed, I didn't anticipate any problems. As you can probably imagine, painting a bathroom is a lot more work than painting a larger room and, like all painting, preparation is everything. So once the tiring job was done, I began to remove the blue painter's tape and was amazed to find the paint was peeling like skin from a bad sunburn. The $27.00 a gallon paint was not adhering to the primed wall. After exhausting repainting, the same problem. I e-mailed a complaint to Martha Stewart's paint division and got no reply. So, if you're planning to repaint a room in your house, I encourage you to avoid Ms. Stewart's paint.

When did everyone become a star?

When I was a kid in the 50s and 60s, movies had stars. They were the leading name actors and actresses of their times. They earned their billings from years of admired performances in many other films. They were often why you went to see a film. The others in the cast were supporting players or bit players or the bottom of the barrel extras. At an awards show you would never refer to a supporting player as someone "starring" in the film. That sure has changed. It seems if you even had a single line in Harry Potter Meets Indiana Jones, you were said to be "one of the stars of this blockbuster film." Of it you had the lead in a single movie that made money, you received the same kind of accolades as if you had a proven track record. Ridiculous. That's another thing. Back then a film was a blockbuster if it was hugely popular and made tons of money. It didn't even have to be a big film. Now it's a blockbuster just for being big. Films are heralded as blockbusters before they even open. Even if they're miserable failures, they're blockbusters. Ridiculous. That's another thing, back then a film became a classic with time. Citizen Kane or Casablanca did not open as classic films. They earned that designation through time and by appealing to new generations. Today the ever-deceptive Disney studios announce the release of every animated bit of fluff as a "new classic." All the same nonsense applies to television. The week before the new Hawaii Five-O premiered, it was heralded as "America's most popular new show." I guess most people are comfortable with this kind of dishonest exaggeration and willling to accept that The Princess and the Frog is as much as classic as Bambi. I'm not. Nor do I consider supporting players stars. I'm sure that even a super-talened professional like Timothy Spall would never claim he starred in The King's Speech, though I am sure he is constantly introduced as one of the stars of that popular film. Oh, well. That's how it is today. So might as well get used to it, and expect to hear that a blockbuster new classic will be coming out this fall. I wonder who will star it in it.

M-I-SS-I-PP-I....

This commercial is creepy for all kinds or reasons. The idea of jumping rope for a sandwich is pretty weird, even when the sandwich looks like it was just prepared at the deli counter. Then once the boys have at it, they seem to be more into the jumping than the winning. And finally it's another commercial where young people having no morals and apparently desperately hungry and too poor to have their own food are willing to tie up those whom we assume are their friends in order to steal their sandwich. Pretty ridiculous. But forgetting all that this is another case of acceptable male abuse. Switch the roles and have the girls tied up and the commercial—like so many commercials—takes on an entirely new slant.

Hillshire Farm Commercial

A good commercial off to a terrible start.

This Duracell commercial is fine, except for the first line. What idiot would pen a introduction that says,"If you thought heroes were only in movies..."? Who in the world conceivably thinks that heroes are only in movies? Nobody, of course. So why write such an idiotic line? Especially for a commercial that promotes, and rightly so, the sacrifices of firefighters who we all know are heroes just as we all know that heroes are not only in movies. Sheeesh!

Duracell Power Those Who Protect Us Commercial

Mumbo Jumbo.

I know when you have a blog you should write regularly so that your readers, if you have any, don't lose interest. But, surprisingly, nothing has intrigued or irritated me enough this week to inspire a rant. I am thrilled, of course, with the events in Egypt, Bahrain, Tunisia, Iran and Libya, but not happy about the deaths that occured. I was especially pleased to see the Iranians take to the streets. We always knew that Iranians were good people and their leaders all dicks, so it's nice that they proved it before the Republicans found some excuse to slaughter them as the did the Iraquis. There's no point in blogging about Republicans. They're all scum, led by such super scum as Palin, Bachmann, Boehner, Cantor...never mind, the list is too long. The creepiest guy of the week is the one who poisoned the trees at Auburn University. The idiot in question is Harvey Updyke, who is 62 and unemployed. Since there is no justice anymore, he will probably be scolded and given a six-month suspended sentence and required to do community service like gardening. As most people know I think sports are absurd to begin with, so this kind of behavior is just another example of people putting too much of their egos into a game with a ball. See, I'm struggling here to find something to say. I could mention the Academy Awards, but I lost interest in them years ago. Oh, here's something that bugs me. At 68, I have no illusions that I am a senior citizen. But I am astonished at the number of strangers—and friends!—who will make ageist comments. Most of them are not very witty, the usual humorous digs about Altzheimers or suggestions that one is slowing day, forgetful, or impotent. It amuses me because I know they will be in the same position one day and be just as surprised as I am at quickly that day arrived. Being an atheist, I wonder if I am less fearful of the big checkout than religious people. After all, I assume I die and the game is over forever. If you believe in an afterlife, then you must have all kinds of questions about what it will be like, who will be there, will it be boring. That's a lot to think about. I prefer the forever. How egotistical is man to think he deserves heaven, but dogs and other non-humans don't. See, I'm wandering because there's nothing specific on my mind. Well, maybe later.

"Oh, yummy, a cheesy fingernail!"

What ever happened to taste appeal? Food manufacturers used to show their products looking perfectly cooked and irresistible. Cold, sparkling soda being poured into an ice-filled glass. A sizzling burger with fresh, juicy mushrooms, crisp lettuce and slowly melting cheese. Ice cream being curled by a silver scoop ready to be placed in a crystal glass heaped with fresh, sugar-sprinkled strawberries. Kraft Cheese commercials were masterpieces of showing a delicious recipe reach perfection. I guess those days are over. It seems commercials like this oddball Doritos spot have taken over. Does the second man really get a taste thrill out of sucking his friend's finger? Was ripping the man's pants off really worth it for a bit of salt and spices from a sticky fingered remnants on a worn-all-day suit? I don't get it. Commercials like this make me never want to buy another bag of Dorito's since I will always be reminded of office finger and grey flannel. If you're not dealing with repulsive commercials like this, there are lots of weird animated ones. I, for instance, am not interested in seeing Frosted Mini-Wheats wearing shoes and leaping into my bowl of milk. And, as cute as they are, I don't find personified M & M's all that adorable, especially since they seem so eager to be grabbed by the handful and chewed to death. Another commercial to promote the new caramel Milky Way shows swimmers racing in a pool filled with caramel. Does this have taste appeal to you?

DORITOS® - Best Part -- Crash the Super Bowl 2011 Finalist

Am I guessing the wrong clue?

I saw the last part of an interesting show tonight. It would haven't been that interesting except that it's Valentine's Day. The show was Wheel of Fortune. Instead of the usual contestants, there there were three groups of two: two female couples and one male couple. I was immediately impressed to see that television had come so far as to have a Valentine's Day program of gay couples. Then I realized the name of the event was "Best Teen Friends." Hmmm. One wonders if that was the original intent of the show. Or did the sponsors chicken out at the last minute and say, "We can't have a gay Valentine's Show. Call it 'Teen Best Friends.' Nobody will notice." Perhaps it was show featuring teens and their best friends, but why would the producers have such a show on the year's most romantic occasion? And why did the couples seem so eager to hug more enthusiastically than they did? And what super-straight guy is going to tell his friends, "Todd and I are going on Wheel of Fortune on Valentine's Day?" There's more to this story, don't you think? I hope so because it might mean a very important breakthrough for commercial television.

Sorry, Betty, but....

This weekend Betty Garrett died. She was 91. Most people will remember her as the next-door neighbor on All In the Family or for her continuing role on Laverne and Shirley. I remember her most as the man-hungry cab driver in On The Town and as Ruth in the film My Sister Eileen. She was also famous for being married to Larry Parks, who most young people won't remember, but when he played Al Jolson he was a huge star. Anyway, the thing about Betty Garrett is she never was a big star. And I can see why. As much as I didn't dislike her, I never felt she bought any kind of true strength to a project. She was talented and competent, but not compelling and memorable. She was rather like your really nice aunt who somehow became a movie star, and yet not a star. I always feel bad when one of the old-time stars dies and think of how much I liked them in their many roles. I feel bad about Betty Garrett's death because she was an entertainment fixture for so long. But as horrible as it is to say, I never saw her without wishing that somebody else were playing her role.

Picky. Picky. Picky.

Tonight, Valentine's Day, on the NBC nightly news Brian Williams, in speaking of the death of George Shearing said, "His most famous composition of all time was "Lullabye of Birdland."

Why does anyone need to add "of all time." It doesn't change the meaning. This kind of overspeak is epidemic and Williams is particularly guilty. He's also the greatest offender of turning two syllable words into three syllables. Spark-el-ing, gam-bel-ing, troub-bel-ing. Why can't we depend on the most visbile and highest paid newscasters to speak properly? It's their career. I notice the same sloppiness from voice-over announcers. I recall once when my creative director had chosen a highly-paid announcer for a spot, how offended the "talent" was that I wanted him to pronounce internet correctly (not innanet). Later he referred to me as very fussy. I don't get it. It seems to me if you have a job, especially a highly paid one, you would want to do your best.

"In France every Frenchmen knows his language from A to Zed. The French don't care what they do actually as long as they pronounce it properly."

Hubris revisited.

Ah, it is now two days after the event. Did I have the best play? Not by a long shot. Out of eight plays written, cast, rehearsed and staged within 24 hours, mine certainly was in competition for last, or close to last, place. Actually I wrote two plays for this event. I confidently wrote the first one in the hotel by 11 pm and went to bed. But I couldn't sleep knowing how false and pretentious it was. Plus I wasn't sure the three young actors were the right age and temperment. So, I got up at 4 am and wrote a second play, which I liked better. I won't bore you with details of the rehearsals, staging, missing props, difficulties the cast had learning the script. They are all irrelevant to the actual quality. A casual friend of mine from Miami Beach had the best play and a cast of four who were letter perfect and totally believable. Anyway, the point isn't the play or the event: it's hubris. In my arrogance, I assumed the other writers would be less sharp and sophisticated than me and I would outwrite them. I couldn't have been more wrong. But I know I was wrong. This will probably prevent me from making a similar mistake in the future. But that same principle does not work for people like Sarah and all those others infected with severe cases of hubris. If I were she I would think and continue to think that every ten-minute skit I wrote was Death of a Salesman.

"Am I fabulous or what?"

Hubris is an interesting blessing or curse. The Palins, despite no talent for anything are loaded with it. Bristol Palin thinks nothing of inexpertly hoofing around the stage in front of millions of viewers because she thinks she's great, and possibly thin. No rushing off in tears because people ridiculed her. No. Not for this heavyweight champ. Bristol's addlepated mother, Sarah, is the queen of hubris. Her massive ego is never dented by her own idiocies, misspeaks and malapropisms. Most of us, after the Katie Couric debacle, would not be able to face another reporter, yet Sarah goes blithely out to fuck up again and again and again, shielded from any self-criticism by the armor of her narcissism. It never occurs to her that if she didnt have a pretty face, a nice bod and straight, white teeth, she'd be competing with all the other methmothers of Wasilla. It seems the stupidest and least-inspired people have the greatest hubris. George Bush never questioned his endless stupidities, was never embarrassed by the countless CDs, videos and calendars that highlighted his many gaffes. Of course these nitwits are the exception, the complete incompetents that are filled with confidence and self-admiration. To a lesser extent, we all have some hubris. Of course not being mentally unstable like the Palins and Bushes, we keep it in check. I, for instance, am participating in a play competition this weekend. On Friday night eight playwrights will be given play titles and assigned a director and cast at a local university. While I rarely think I will excel at any competition, I am confident that I will write the best play, even though the other playwrights have excellent resumes. Hubris. So check with me in a few days and see if I have been absurdly confident. And if I fail completely, will I be like Sarah Palin and still think that my play was absolutely the best and I'm the victim of some kind of conspiracy.

Volkswagen - Darth Vader

Boy is this kid weird!

One of my most supportive friends is a retired art director—one of the best in the business— in Boston. He said he was surprised that I didn't have a posting about the Super Bowl commercials. Since my blog is about advertising, he felt it would be a chance to comment on the best work of leading agencies. Well, first of all I don't watch the Super Bowl. Secondly, the commercials are always overrated and often pathetic. The Darth Vader spot, which everyone seems to think is so cute, I find kind of creepy. Here we have a lonely 6-year old wandering through the house in a complete Star Wars outfit trying to, I suppose, have some control over the exercise equipment, dog and sandwich. I would think this child needs pyschiatric care especially when he believes that he somehow had power over his father's car.To make it even creepier his parents, watching from the kitchen window, think it's adorable that their son is so weirdly gullible. Forgetting everything else what does this tell us about the VW? What car today doesn't have remote control. How is this a brilliant spot? In the early days of television, many shows had one sponsor: Kraft, Philco, GE, Winston, etc. There were usually three to five commecials. We didn't mind. It was the price you paid for free television. Today we pay to watch television. And though it was suggested there would be fewer or no commercials, there are more than ever. Between the local news tonight and arrival of Brian Williams, there were nine commercials. Many network shows have as many as 16 during a break. There are even commercials while you are watching your favorite shows thanks to swipes, popups and other visual gimmicks. We should be outraged about being so misused by greedy broadcasters. But instead we just sit back and take it. I don't because I rarely watch commercial television. But what really offends me is that once a year—during the Super Bowl—advertisers try to make you feel grateful for commercials and act as if they are doing you a favor by letting you watch these 10-, 20- and 30-second "gems." And most Americans fall right into line and make it the following day's topic of discussion. So, dear friend in Boston, I have no love for commercials, but do enjoy critiquing them and will continue to do so, probably more crankily than not

Why I couldn't be faithful to Fidelity.

I always find these Fidelity commercials amusing. They seem to be so concerned about their customers. They want them to follow that green carpet or whatever it is to financial security and future happiness. Could this possibly be the same Fidelity that was so nice about letting me invest my small 401K in one of their funds and then never seemed to be in to me again? If I called, my representative, she was always out. If I stopped in at the Coral Gables office, I was told no one was available to see me, usually after I filled out a visitor's form of some sort. The only green line I saw was the one leading me out the door to the street. Once in the street, I crossed it to check out Charles Schwab. They had a beautiful lobby, which was all I ever saw. After waiting a half-an-hour to see someone, I assumed they weren't any friendlier than Fidelity. Okay, it's possible that since I moved my money to another house, both of these firms make it a point to be nice to small investors. I doubt it. I don't really care. Because I'm very happy with the nice and always accessible people at TD Investments.

Fidelity Investments Green Line Spot 4

The trouble with Peggy.

I love Peggy. I think most of the people I know love Peggy. After all, how often have we all called the customer service department of an American company only to find outselves dealing with an ingratiating telemarketer with a heavy Russian or Indian accent who is improbably named Wayne or Kevin? But the trouble with Peggy is that she makes you forget how deceptive these commercials really are. While Discover may, indeed, have better rewards than other credit plans (and may not) it is a ridiculous stretch of credulity to suggest that any competing company would turn 25,000 points into less than $10. I happen to have my rewards through Citicorp—a bank I dislike—and they are relatively generous with their points. So, we love you Peggy, but we can't ignore that you're just a charming shill for Discover. After all, Peg, exaggerating ain't exactly telling the truth, ya?

Peggy - Rewards program - Discover Card Commercial

Hiding behind a woman's skirts.

The post below is despicable because it represents greedy corporate giants disguised as a supermarket-shopping housewife. How cowardly! Americans Against Food Taxes! Bullshit. It's billionaires against smaller windfalls. As their spokesperson this "housewife" is busily sashayed through the grocery aisles grabbing a bottle of sugar water and spreading lies. Her suggestion that the government is going to tell you how to run your life is absurd. What's not absurd is the government taxing wildly over-priced products that will give America's children diabetes, heart conditions, and any number of other maladies while making them uhappily and unhealthily obese. I also notice that she only mentioned liquids as the items among the "lot of groceries I buy." I think parents who don't pay attention to what they're feeding their children need a wake up call. If they won't read the label, they might get a hint from the price tag: "This product has no nutritional value and, in fact, sucks." Of course Kraft and Pepsi and Nabisco and all those other empty-calorie giants are nervous. They've been getting a free ride for years addicting children to sugar, chocolate, salt, mystery chemicals, friendly names and adorable bottles. The government isn't telling shoppers how to run their homes, but they are telling manufacturers to start doing the right thing or pay higher taxes. Will those taxes be passed on to consumers? Of course. But hopefully that will make them stop buying the products that weren't good for them in the first place. Americans Against Food Taxes. Give me a break!

Note: On a related topic I think one of the greediest American companies is good old Kellogg's from Battle Creek, Michigan. It is absolutely obscene how much they charge and have charged for decades for a box of grain and air. I encourage everyone to buy the generic brand, which is still overpriced, but not as much as Kellogg's.

"Give Me a Break" Americans Against Food Taxes TV Ad

"Tain't funny, McGee."

I am beginning to think the two words you should never use to anyone is, "It's funny." Humor is as specific a taste as music and what you think is hysterically funny may not even slightly amuse somebody else. That's one of reasons I hate expressions like "hilariously funny" or "you'll laugh till you cry." Maybe not. I have yet to see a really funny SNL skit. Most of them seem to be, to me, high school material and not as well done. Many people I know right now love The Big Bang Theory, as I do. Many others think there is not a laugh in it. Many love Modern Family, which I don't, and think it's the funniest show on television. I find it a sitcom full of pat characters, including the usual cliched, ergo:offensive, gays—all completely unbelievable.I guess that's why there are so many sitcoms: to suit every taste. There seems to be some humor most people agree on, like Seinfeld and Raymond, and I Love Lucy which is always running somewhere in the world. But I'm sure there are millions who don't love Lucy. What do I find funny? French & Saunders, One Foot in the Grave, variety shows like Brilliant,in fact most imported Britcoms. I think the first half of Some Like it Hot is funny and all of Auntie Mame. I am always amused by such sophisticated comedies as The Philadelphia Story,The Bride Came C.O.D., It Happened One Night and Desk Set. There are people I trust who would disagree on any number of these. To me, none of today's comedies are funny since they mostly rely on sex and bathroom humor for most of their laughs. Most of today's comic actors also leave me cold. I don't get Steven Carell, Jack Black, Wil Ferrell, Ricky Gervais, etc. But it's not just today's comics. I think there is nothing funny about the Marx Brothers, but they are a standard for classic comedy, so what do I know? Actually what does anyone know? If it makes you laugh, it's funny. If it doesn't, it isn't—at least not to you. So, I suggest that don't say, "You'll love this show, it's hilarious." but instead say, "You might like this show. I thought it was very, very funny."

Note: For many younger readers (if I have any readers) the headline quote was oft-repeated on one of radio's most popular comedy shows. How popular? Well it ran from 1935 to 1959. I call 24 years popular. At any rate millions of American found it funny. I wonder how amusing it would strike most people today.