Jumping the gecko.

I like most of the Geico commercials, though I can't understand why they have so many different campaigns running concurrently. But I must admit this new commercial "mistaken identity" leaves me cold as an amphibian. For starters, it's just not funny—on many levels. Am I supposed to think this woman, this human being, dated a gecko ( Toledo, 2003) and is offended because he didn't call? The images this summons are not only romantically impossible but really creepy. Even if this commercial weren't weird, this actress seems to be overplaying the part. There is no way to save this concept,but a little subtlety might have helped. Finally, I know I said no more cranky criticisms till after vacation, but I couldn't ignore this spot.

Mistaken Identity - GEICO Commercial with the Gecko

Two weeks of winter.

Don't expect to see any posts on this blog for at least two weeks. Being a luddite, I haven't a clue how to add to this blog while I'm away. And since the object of a winter vacation is to get away from all the worldly issues that annoy me, I wouldn't want to post anyway. While most people seem to want to vacation in famous cities or tropical islands and dine in the best restaurants, I have a different goal. I want to be where the weather is rainy and cold, the streets icy slick, and the best of all possible meals is a breakfast of French Toast and coffee at a popular local diner. If there's a blizzard all the better. While the itinerary includes Washington, D.C. and New York City, most of the time will be spent in White Plains, New York; Charlottesville, Virginia, the closest city to Monticello (though they have no transportation to this famous home); and Raleigh, North Carolina, just because I like exploring new cities. I don't imagine many people read this blog anyway, but for those do (for which I'm grateful) look for more cranky comments near the end of the month.

Innocents abroad?

Amanda Knox is having a new trial. If you are among those who believe she's guilty, you must also believe that an attractive young American student (shown here) with a handsome young Italian boyfriend and a wonderfully supportive family chose to murder her flatmate in Perugia, Italy, when said flatmate refused to engage in an orgy with a local loser. Yes, that seems like a good reason to toss your entire life away. The fact that the flamboyant and highly imaginative prosecutor has himself been accused of trying to railroad other persons shown to be innocent into prison adds to the absurdity. My belief, shared by many, is that Amanda Knox is innocent and that the true and sole murderer is Rudy Hermann Guede (shown here) who is now in prison. Interestingly despite his confession, he received a lighter sentence than Amanda and her boyfriend. Today I posted several comments on the Internet expressing my belief in this girl's innocence. While many agree, I was surprised at the vitriolic responses of those who didn't. What was most shocking to me was not that they believe she is guilty, but they seemed so desperately to want her to be guilty and truly gleeful that she may spend her life in prison.

The global invoice process. What the hell is that?

I don't really get this commercial for Xerox, showing how it can be of benefit to Marriott. While it's amusing enough to see these young men falling all over themselves to accommodate each other, I don't see the logic. The commercial ends by saying that "Marriott Hotels and Resorts knows that it's better to automate their global invoice process so that can focus on serving their customers." Except these are not customers but—I would guess from their uniforms—Marriott employees. And since they look like bellboys why are they in an office setting? In addition I don't know whether these two guys are supposed to be gay or if the material leads to that conclusion. This is probably something that business people easily understand, but only addles cranky critics like me.

2010 Xerox Ad: Marriott Hotels Resorts, QDoxs

Glynis

I feed three outdoor cats (not counting the undependable Gorky): Rotten Luck Willie, Herman, and Glynis. Naturally I would love to find homes for these cats, but, as you know, placing cats is nearly impossible since everyone seems to know of a deserving stray. Besides two of them are not really placeable. Willie, an orange male, is antisocial. He is frightened by the slightest noise and will only allow me to pet him and never for very long. Herman is kind of messy looking, a bit agressive and prone to suddenly scratch or bite anyone showing him any kindness. But Glynis—ah, Glynis!—is a magnificent variegated grey, white and black female with incredibly artistic markings. She is long, lean, spayed and no older than three. Besides being uniquely beautiful she is also docile, loving and completely non-aggressive. Why am I telling you this? Because, while I expect to keep caring for Rotten Luck Willie and Herman, I know somebody out there might have a home for Glynis or know of someone who would welcome this affectionate work of art into their home.

Growing up sane.

When I was a child in Roxbury, Massachusetts, there was a very strong dividing line between Catholics and Protestants. Catholics were the kids who crossed themselves when they went by a church or cemetery and ate meat on Friday. Protestants were the kids who had a variety of denominations and had no idea what the differences were and still don't. Back then, you were very much aware of the distinction. But with time, that line disappeared. Today, who cares? Especially me. As an atheist, I think all religion is silly magical thinking. Also back then we did not have a strong sense of who was a Democrat or who was Republican. Most people clung to one or other badge, though I doubt they could explain the difference. (My mother, for instance, voted for Republicans, a party who would have nothing but contempt for someone as dependent on the government as she.) Your political affiliation was pretty much what you parents told you. And I'm sure many donkeys thought they were elephants and vice versa. But unlike the religious divide, political differences have become very important. I find it nearly impossible to be friends with Republicans, whom I regard with great suspicion. I confess I have even dropped long-time friends or acquaintances who spout the party line for the GOP. Despite being an atheist, I do believe in lots of Christian ideals (though most Christians don't seem to). I absolutely believe I am my brother's keeper. So when I see fifth column creeps like Boehner and Cantor trying to screw the middle-class in favor of the super rich, and accusing those who need extended unemployent benefits as being indolent, I'm real pleased that I didn't grow up to be—yuck— a Republican.

Maybe I'll just have bacon.

I'm late getting to my comment about these commercials since they have been running for ages now. I can't imagine the creative session that led to this weird concept. "You see, we have a bunch of people dressed as planets and the spokesman is the sun. Cause it's like if you didn't have your Jimmy Dean sausages you aren't ready to face the day. Sun. Day. Get it? The planets? Well, they really don't have anything to do with the sausage." Call my crazy, but if you show me sizzling sausages being served with fried eggs that's usually enough to whet my appetite. Chubby people dressed in colored orbs just doesn't say breakfast to me. But as I said these commercial have been running for a while, so maybe they are effective. If so, why?

Jimmy Dean Spaced Out TV Commercial

Splashdown or crashdown?

I find this G.E. commercial very strange. It seems to be promoting some kind of stepped altitude navigation system which replaces an equally unknown system in which a plane had to land in stages. Apparently with the new G.E. True Course Flight System, landing is smoother and simpler. But the ending of the commercial seems to suggest without the system one can expect a crash landing. that is if you can go by the way the diver flops down in the water. It seems to me that G.E. could have found a less frightening way to promote their new system. But even if this spot isn't as morbid as I think, what is the point of it? Are we supposed to fly only on planes that have this system? And how would we know? Or is it universal? Next time I think I'll just turn off the sound and pretend it's a promotion for Acapulco.

GE Aviation Cliff Diver Commercial

Making a clean sweep.

It occurred to me today that I have strange spending habits, and maybe you do, too. I will immediately replace something costly that gives me pleasure or needs replacement: a tv, a stereo, a roof. Yet I will put up with something old and inexpensive because it seems so insignificant. I'm talking about a broom, a $5 broom. Having cats, I have to clean the litter boxes every day. Being cats, they have no concern for how much litter they kick onto the garage floor. So, in addition to scooping, there is daily sweeping. For years I have been using the same broom, the same balding, down-to-the-nub straw broom. It wasn't that I had any affection for this broom. I mean it wasn't given to me by a special friend. It was just a lousy broom. So why didn't I replace it? I don't know. But I finally bought a new broom the other day, and the daily sweeping has become significantly easier—so easy, in fact, that I feel really stupid for waiting so long. Think about it. Is there something in your house that you just deal with month after month that could be replaced as easily as, say, a new broom?

A salute to two great women.

In the previous post I said that Eleanor Roosevelt was #1 on my list of great women. Here is one of the major reasons. In 1939, world-famous American contralto Marian Anderson was scheduled to sing at Washington's Constitution Hall. The event was cancelled by the halls owners: the Daughters of the American Revolution, whose policy was to not let an African American perform on the stage. Outraged by this, Mrs. Roosevelt resigned her membership to the society and, the next day, commented on social injustice in her newspaper column, "My Day" bringing national attention to the issue of civil rights. Ms. Anderson did not sing at Constitution Hall. Instead on Easter Sunday, 1939, she sang at the base of the Lincoln Memorial for an mall audience of more than 75,000 people. The concert, which was broadcast, reached an audience of millions. That's the kind of inspiring and united event we desperately need today.

Thank you, Internet

One of the things I most remember from childhood was a tv commercial. But over the years—all right, decades—when I mentioned this commercial to friends, they always gave me a look. The look they gave me meant they thought I was lying or, at best, delusional, as no such commercial was possible. Even I had to admit that what I told them seemed unlikely. But I was sure that I recalled it correctly. Fortunately the Internet has proven I was correct: Widowed First Lady, Eleanor Roosevelt (#1 on my greatest women list) was, in fact, a spokesperson on a commercial for Good Luck margarine. The commercial was the brainchild of the most famous of Mad Men, David Ogilvy. He apparently convinced Mrs. Roosevelt that it was good for the country to promote the more healthful virtues of margarine over butter and that the $35,000 payment could be a charitable gift. (She gave it to the United Nations.) He later said he was ashamed of conning this great lady. But in a long lifetime of incredible achievements by Eleanor Roosevelt, this remains a mere 30-second curiosity.

Eleanor Roosevelt Margarine Commercial

Never a surprise answer.

I can understand why liberals like Chris Matthews and Ed Shultz would want to be fair and have a dissenting panelist. What I don't understand is why any show would solicit Ron Christie's opinon on anything. One can easily guess his answer on any subject. He is never reasoned, never fair, never hesitant. He vociferously spouts the party line with every appearance, even when his position is completely and ludicrously untenable. He is like the mailroom boss in How to Succeed in Business Without Really Trying who sings, "Whatever the company thinks, I think so, too." No Republican has ever made a mistake. Sharron Angle and Sarah Palin are eminently qualified for any political role. There was no problem with Michelle Bachmann questioning the loyalty of Democrats in Congress. Bush was a swell president. The Iraq War was a wise decision. What is the point of having someone like this write a column when anyone giving two sides of any political question could write it for him—just "play it the company way" no matter what?

Added note: To show what an apologist this creep is, he defended Rush Limbaugh for referring to a black lawmaker as Ms. Daisy's chauffer, denying that such a remark had any racial connotations. In the same Hardball show, he suggested, as many Fox commentators have that President Obama had said Republicans would have to ride in the back of the bus, when Obama clearly said the back of the car, meaning that Republicans, having driven us in a ditch, should not be in the driver's seat. This was a despicable deception by Christie in which even summoned the name of Rosa Parks to further his false argument.

Actor dead in tragic mistake.

My headline is the same as one I read this morning. Seeing it, I assumed that the actor would be someone most Americans would know, otherwise why would it be newsworthy? But like so many Comcast teasers, it was irrelevent, at least to me. It seems that a Filipino actor named Kirk Abella doing a scene with a plastic gun was shot (in the back) by a watchman who (for no good reason) thought he was a real criminal. Of course, a death like this is tragic, but Comcast's headline wanted to suggest that it was a death we would mourn in some way: an actor whose name we knew. Though I subscribe to Comcast and am happy enough with their service, I must admit I find the company less than consumer friendly, especially in cases like this because you have to watch some boring commercial to get to a video which is often far less interesting than the teaser suggests.

Note: Days later the Comcast teaser headline was Halle Berry's Bizarre Makeover. This come-on was supposed to make you think that Ms. Berry had had some plastic surgery that was less than successful. The story was merely about the her face-changing makeup in a new film. In other words, another non-story.

"We would kill for your business."

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think when you shoot a poison dart into somebody's neck it kills them. With that in mind, I find this a very weird commercial for DirectTV, who seems to specialize in creepy ads. I assume it's supposed to be highly amusing that a goofy young projectionist is murdered so that one can steal the canned film for Russell Crowe's Robin Hood. Surprising that DirectTV thinks that murder and theft is the best way to convince consumers to use their service. Even more disturbing is that they chose, as the film worthy of theft, Robin Hood, which is a crashing, unwatchable bore. In fact, this Ridley Scott epic is such is a shaky-camera waste of time that it makes Kevin Costner's attempt look almost as good as Errol Flynn's version, which nobody has topped. I wonder what DirectTV will use for their next commercial theme: ethnic cleansing or lupus?

DIRECTV CINEMA - "Blow Dart"

Toilet humor?

The morality of this commercial mystifies me. Not because the guy is shown as a jerk, so turned on by an attractive female plumber that he's willing to destroy his own plumbing system (lots of commercials show men as idiots); but because he's obviously living with an attractive woman we assume to be his wife. So what was his game plan: a quickie over the sink and hope that wifie didn't hear him groan? Or his he so sexually starved it's worth it to just look at a hot plumber working, even at $80.00 an hour? Either way, it's really dumb. But even worse, I don't believe for a minute that the john wouldn't have clogged up from all that crap. After all a Kohler toilet doesn't come with a complete plumbing system. Okay, so you think it's a funny commercial. I think it's a concept that should have been flushed.

Unrelated subject, sorta: In my last job I worked for a pain-in-the-ass account executive who encouraged the creative team to, "flush out an idea." I wanted to tell her that the correct usage is to "flesh out an idea", that it to say put some meat on the bones. But I didn't because it gave me a great deal of delight to see this arrogant woman repeat this mistake again and again and again.

Hot Female Plumber Funny 01

No, you're not!

I admit it. I'm much too picky about logic. I should just let things go. After all, it's just a commercial. Let it go. No, I can't. If this National customer can have her pick of any car on the lot and she chooses a luxurious car, she is not, as she says in the commercial, "getting an upgrade." She could only get an upgrade if she had already chosen something to be upgraded from. She is simply getting a nice car. Sheeesh!

National Car Rental - Robin

"Chock full o'nuts, please."

As I mentioned before, I do not watch Wheel or Fortune (too much clapping), but I do usually catch the final puzzle. What amuses me is that the announcer (or maybe Sajak himself ) always comments that for every correct guess Maxwell House coffee will donate $2,500 to Feed America. Since Maxwell House has been a leading brand for decades (Does anyone remember the 50s program, Mama?) this seems like a piddling sum to me. It's rather like me donating a dime. It's especially cheap when it's only donated for correctly guessing the puzzle, which doesn't happen with any frequency. I happen to think Maxwell House is far from "good to the last drop" and this cheapness doesn't improve my opinion of them.

Newspeak is here.

Tonight, November 1, I am more than ever aware that we are all living in a Mediacracy. The media, significantly the broadcast media, tell us what to think, what is happening, who we are, what we want, and in what direction we should walk. Not much different than the giant screens in 1984. The election is not over, but every major network is telling us the Republicans will have victory, Democrats defeat. It is no less real at the moment than when Orwell wrote, "We are winning the war in Eurasia." We are told that the country is angry, though my friends, even the unemployed are not angry, just worried. But the media insists it's anger and the media decides the mood of the country. The media has elevated a cipher like Sarah Palin to possible presidential status when they could have ignored this political starlet. Why? Because she's a photogenic Mrs. Malaprop and it's much easier and less costly than doing research, and far more profitable than seeing the ill-educated turn away from all those boring facts they would hear from knowledgeable candidates. The media has given far too much air time to Sharron Angle who will give them none. Why? Because their entertainment-addicted audience would rather watch the ravings of an Alice Ghostly lookalike than having to exercise their minds with semi-complex political views. If, after this election, nutcases like Rand Paul, Sharron Angle and Michelle Bachmann have been voted into office, then it will be because the media helped promote, predict and usher them into those positions. We are told that Americans are disappointed with Obama. If they are it is because the media has been endlessly telling us that Americans are disappointed with Obama, disappointed with Obama, disappointed with Obama. This without significantly reporting all the positive changes he has made. Why? Let us not forget that the alphabetical media we trust are no less multi-billion dollar Republican-leaning companies than BP or Sony. We are not living in an age of reason, but in a dumbing of America era of entertainment when even something as important and life-changing as political news coverage is not much different than The Great Race, The Biggest Loser and American Idol.