A moment on tape.

Recently I bought a roll of black duct tape at Big Lots. I like the low prices at Big Lots. What I don't like is that almost everything they sell seems to come from China. After the recent problems with dog food and drywall, I don't buy anything from China that I will ingest or touch that often. Sounds xenophobic, but I don't trust their manufacturing processes. Anyway, even though tape seemed safe enough, I still wondered whether it was vinyl or some other material and had any dangerous chemicals to create the finish or the glue. When I opened the packaged, I noticed in small type that the tape was made in New Jersey. I immediately felt better about my purchase. I wish we all could see more products that said "Made in New Jersey", or some other state, or simply "Made in the USA." It seems to me when I was a child the only product made in China was the Chinese Finger Torture.

Rip. Rip. Rip.

One of my greatest annoyances every month is tearing all the inserts out of the AARP Magazine. Sounds easy, doesn't it But it isn't. Because they have so many of them hidden between the pages and by the time you're done the magazine weighs half as much. I don't know why I even bother because I don't read the publication. Too depressing. One doesn't like to imagine the day when one needs an Acorn Stairlift or "Help, I've fallen and I can't get up" Life Alert. Still this issue (not the cover shown here)was more fun than most because it featured an article by Jamie Lee Curtis (52), Betty White (88) and Kristen Bell, (30). I admit it, I never heard of Kristen Bell, but the article was entertaining, although I wish I weren't one of the people who remembers Betty in Life with Elizabeth, a 50s sitcom. What I do like about the magazine is the last page which brings you up to date on the age of famous people. In case you're interested Daryl Hannah and Julianne Moore are 50; Stanley Livingston (Chip on My Three Sons) is 60, as is still-sexy Ed Harris. The last two "famous" people are not on my list of worthy celebs: the disreputable Dionne Warwick is 70; and the despicable G. Gordon Liddy is 80.

Note: This week I tried to see the Marilyn Monroe cover on Vanity Fair and the new Curtis/White/Bell cover from the new AARP Magazine. Neither was shown on the internet, at least not yet. I wonder why.

The two-second reaction.

I happen to like Progressive commercials, despite all the naysayers. Flo to me is fun and cute and funny and, damnit, I like her. But I particularly admire this commercial because it's a perfect example of how the right casting makes a spot. And in this case the magic happens within seconds as the hapless beau rolls his eyes toward the domineering (we assume) fiancee. Love this guy's expression. My compliments to whomever (whoever?) cast him.

Xbox 360 ad Progressive shoulder bag slash purse

Names

I think it's time to call UPS.

This is the kind of commercial I don't understand at all. First of all it's not all that clever. Second it doesn't do much to promote FedEx since that sell moment is given away right up front. So basically it's a comic bit in which this goofball boss has a mnemonic device to remember all the employees names. Of course, he must be really stupid if he can't recall five names. But putting that aside, I am always bemused by commercials that seem to want to make someone the fool, the goat, the butt of a joke, the patsy. In this case Dan, who our boss remembers with the mnemonic "Dan Fool." As in all mean-spirited commercials, his fellow employees do not rush to his defense but merely remind him its only a mnemonic device that has given him such a dopey label. I am sure many readers will think I make too much of a simple commercial, but the airwaves are rife with ads from advertisers who seem to prefer to debase their customers rather than credit them with any kind of intelligence or compassion. Frankly I think FedEx, who have done some excellent commercials in the past, have some damn fools on their creative team.

"Gotta dance!"

I am stunned at the number of my friends who are avid fans of Dancing with the Stars, a show which doesn't feature that many real stars, dancing that isn't all that professional, and endless commercials. But these same friends would never think of watching America's Ballroom Challenge on PBS, which features some of the world's finest dancing teams. If you're a fan of superior dancing, you will love watching this commercial-free Columbus, Ohio, competition which features 24 couples who are incredibly graceful, imaginative and energetic. The dancing far exceeds that of Dancing with the Stars as do the costumes and routines. The judging is far tougher than the popular TV show because these judges have to choose from the best of the best, which cannot be that easy. In fact, you're likely to disagree when you see a couple who knocked you out come in at seventh place. Right now PBS is showing the 2008 competition hosted by Jasmine Guy, so try to catch it on one of the station's repeat showings. Not only is the dancing great, but you will never see more beautiful gams on TV. Plus, a spectacular mambo won't be followed by a commercial for improving your colon health.

"Twilight descends. Everything ends. Til Tomorow."

I just heard on the news that Tom Bosley died today of lung cancer at age 83. This is interesting to me for several reasons. First, I was sure that he died years ago from the same illness. I almost recall not being surprised at the time because of the following story. When I was desperately trying to quite smoking, I tried everything. I even went through The American Cancer Society program twice. At that time there was a video starring Tom Bosley telling smokers how he had finally quit. It was inspiring. But years later, on a television talk show, I saw him smoking. I realized then that he hadn't really beaten the habit. I'm glad I did. So, I am saddened to learn that—to me—he has died again. Though never one of my favorite actors, I did see him in his greatest role in 1959 when I was seventeen. Back then he was the much-celebrated star of the Pulitzer Prize-winning musical Fiorello! The show was great and Bosley absolutely made the role his own. The title above comes from some of the show's brilliant lyrics by Sheldon Harnick.

The pleasures of being petty.

I can't tell you how much I enjoy this commercial or any commercial with Fred Thompson. It warms my heart to see this Republican windbag having to earn a living by pitching all kinds of products and services. One could only marvel at the arrogance of this second-rate actor believing he could be president and then running a campaign where he totally fell apart and showed how dumb he really is. In this spot he's selling reverse mortgages. But whatever commercial he's doing, trust me, this guy is a used-car salesman.

Fred Thompson American Advisors Group (AAG) Commercial for Reverse Mortgage

People Search MyLife Welcome Video

Get MyLife out of my life.

A while back I started getting this annoying spam from MyLife.com. I opened it by mistake. I say by mistake because now I get at least one unwelcome e-mail a week. The suggestion is always that someone is dying to get in touch with me. And, I suppose, if I sign up with MyLife, that touching reunion will become possible (at a price). Of course one wonders how stupid the searcher must be not to look me up on Zaba or some other site, or check out the phone book of the city I have lived in for the 15 years. I notice on their new commercial MyLife suggests that if I type in my name, they will notify me as to who wants so desperately to get in touch with me. I didn't do it, but I doubt that they would let me know. Because when I foolishly opened the e-mail, they only told me that a 68-year-old woman in New Hampshire wanted to reach me. I have written to them to take me off their mailing list, but they haven't done it. In the meantime that woman in New Hampshire, whom I may or may not want to meet again, will just have to get along without me.

Tipping my hat.

While it's fun to have a blog where I can rant and rave and say what I want, I don't for a minute think that mine is all that special. I happen to have strong opinions about advertising because I was in the business for 40 years and let me tell you it probaby has more overpaid, undertalented jerks than any other business, except maybe the film industry. But if you enjoy reading my rants, there are blogs you'll find even more entertaining with far more careful spelling and grammar. Two of them are My Cats at Democrats by a friend with very clear and amusing political positions and wonderful writing style. You can trust this blogger's political information completely while mine is often poorly and lazily researched and thus sometimes suspicious. The other is The Rude Pundit. This political blog is hilariously funny and incredibly vulgar. I know it's brilliant because normally I find vulgarity offensive, but not on this guy's blog which lambastes the Republicans with every available curse and expletive plus the most in inventive invective you'll ever read. Check these blogs out. But don't stop reading me.

Note: I caught myself doing what I despise in others. I wrote that the Rude Pundit is "hilariously funny." Wrong. He is to me, but that's for you to decide. I'll try not to make that mistake again. I was, however, correct in saying he's incredibly vulgar.

http://mycatsaredemocrats.blogspot.com/

http://www.rudepundit.blogspot.com

Calm down. It's not that exciting.

I admit it. I like Wheel of Fortune. Mostly because I'm good at guessing the answers. But I don't watch it because there's something about it I detest. It's the same thing I detest about Jon Stewart's The Daily Show, Bill Maher's show, and hundreds of other shows over the decades: the screaming fake applause. Since the advent of television, producers have always hired some hyper barker (usually a failed comedian or clown) to encourage the audience to act as if the appearance of the host of star was the second coming. It's obnoxious. And it doesn't end there. This same fluffer has his "applaud" signs to keep the energy high. The brilliant Bill Maher is particularly annoying because he tries to appear surprised at the screaming audience that has been told to scream. And on Wheel does every correct answer really require manic enthusiasm from the audience? Are we supposed to believe that all those contestants automatically applaud themselves with each correctly chosen letter? Do they do that at home after a particularly good meal? Jeopardy, which I do watch, seems to have just the right amount of audience recognition without the "This is the most exciting moment of my entire life" audience reaction of other shows. Thanks Alex.

DirecTV Russian Guy Funny Commercial ("Opulence, I Has It")

Nyet! Nyet!

Am I supposed to be charmed by this commercial for DirecTV? And, if so, why? Here is an unattractive actor who seems like Russian Mafia in an opulent setting of incredible vulgarity being protected by bodyguards and indulged by attractive women who look like high-priced hookers. He's so undeservedly vain he has two busts of himself, both gold like most of the furniture including an intensely vulgar sofa. On the TV screen behind him is a woman running through the woods (probably being pursued by a serial killer). And, if that didn't make him unpleasant enough, his pet (other than the card-playing dogs) is a miniature giraffe which would have to be the product of some weird and sadistic cloning. One kiss from his Dr. Moreau pet and he pounds his knees like a drug- or steroid-crazed nutcase. I'm not quite sure how this demented commercial sells DirecTV services, but I have no doubt that many people think this is wonderfully entertaining since creeps are so chic these days.

What, no smart ass remark?

Why do I like this Dunkin' Donuts commercial so much? Because, unlike most commercials that show young people in cars, this is not snarky, not smart-ass, not one teen putting down another or trying to make him feel small. The first boy loses the map and rather than ridiculing him, the others cheerfully agree that they'll find their destination just fine without it. In short, they behave the way friends should behave but often don't, especially in commercials.

Bobby Edner Dunkin' Donuts 2010 Commercial

Did I really see that?

I can't find the Campbell's Healthy Request commercial on the internet. But it featured a variety of vignettes of people involved in activities that I assume would make them hungry for soup—Campbell's Healthy Request, of course. As weird as it seems, one of the vignettes had a couple playing table tennis (or, if you prefer, ping pong) with a baby in a carrier on the table. I can only hope that the couple were terrific players because I imagine a baby getting hit in the eye with a ping pong ball wouldn't cause a case of the giggles.

Note: After watching a different Campbell's Soup commercial tonight, I'm beginning to think the Campbell kids are major risk takers. First the baby on the ping pong table, now a commercial that ends with people on opposing fire escapes tossing each other cans of soup. I know. I know. It's a fantasy. But I can't help visualizing someone missing a catch and a person in the alley below getting conked on the head by a deadly can of Cream of Broccoli.

So, I got a little choked up. So what?

I admit it. I'm a sap for a sentimental commercial and this Subaru spot is one of the best. I like it not only because it makes its safety points so well ("Call me, but not while you're driving.") but because it reminds you that a grownup girl is still a child to a parent. I also like that the parent is not the usual cliched, clearly older, not sexy dad. This guy is very attractive and still old enough to be her dad.

Baby Driver

A #$%@#$@#$%$#@%$#@@@@@@ exciting new show.

The new HBO series Boardwalk Empire looks great and it's entertaining. It is also the vehicle that gives the talented and often underrated Steve Buscemi the role of his career. But it has one flaw. It's the same flaw that's wrong with almost every HBO series. They can swear, so they do. Now I don't object to swearing, but on HBO it almost becomes comical because it is often completely unnecessary and everyone swears in the same tone of voice. This was true of The Sopranos, Deadwood and even comedies like Entourage and Curb Your Enthusiasm. Men, even gangsters, have conversations that aren't sprinkled with f and s and cs and all the other combinations. On these shows it rings false: it is the voices of possibly middle-class scriptwriters who imagine what tough guys talk like or how they would talk if their mothers let them. I have read enough books on crime to know that there were Mafia higher-ups who didn't swear at all; others never in front of their families and especially their wives and children. None of that applies on HBO. It is fortunate that HBO wasn't interested in Mad Men, otherwise it wouldn't be as tightly written as it is because you'd need lots of airtime for unnecessary expletives. So while Boardwalk looks great and the plots are nicely woven, it still lacks any true sense of reality because frankly, there's just too much fucking swearing.

A quickie.

Despite being cranky a lot of the time, I am really not a pedant. I mostly get annoyed with people who have highly paid jobs and should know better than to misuse the language, mispronounce words, and be stupidly repetitive. A good example was the ABC News last night, 10-3. The anchor in referring to a government program said they were "given the green light to go ahead." I think "given the green light" or "given the go-ahead" would have been sufficient. I guess this same anchor would say about a foreclosure, "They were given two weeks notice to be out in 14 days."

Isn't that for me to decide?

There was a time when they made a movie and called it a comedy. You went to see it and decided for yourself whether or not it was funny. Not any more. I have Comcast and when I read their listing of the available entertainment they inform me that every comedy is hilarious. Not just funny, mind you, hilarious. Do you know how funny something has to be to be hilarious? And that's just to you. What you find hilarious, somebody else may find boring. And vice versa. Still Comcast tells us that "My Dead Family* is a hilarious comedy about a family of ghouls." Of course it stars six actors whom you have never seen before (or will see again) and there isn't really a laugh in the entire 84 painful minutes. But Comcast describes it, along with every other film on their roster, as "hilarious." Does this mean that you don't appreciate hilarity when you see it? Are you humor-challenged? So you don't watch the entire film, but instead turn to another offering that you are told is "moving," "heart-breaking," or "terrifying." Wouldn't Comcast and other media be better off just describing the plot and listing the actors and let us decide for ourselves?

*There is no film My Dead Family. I just made up that name. But I'm telling you if there were it would be hilarious.

About Face.

I am a member of FaceBook. But I still don't understand its popularity. With few exceptions I find very little interesting on this site? blog? whatever it is. Maybe, being a luddite, I'm not making full use of it. Because most of it is boring. I don't really care who had dinner when and with whom. I am not interested in other people's vacations. Once it's over, I'm not even interested in my own. It's sometimes fascinating to be reconnected to people from your past. On the other hand, there's usually a good reason they are past- and not present-day friends. All too often you find out something about someone you liked that immediately makes you put them in the dislike column. Not that I don't like my Facebook friends. I do. I just don't visit the site that much because it's mostly trivia or photos. I am sure very few of my friends ever visit this lonely site. Which is also fine. Most people are pretty self- or family-involved. Which is why I write a blog and why so many people are on Facebook.

Good news and bad news.

The good news is that I love this commercial. I've seen it dozens of time and never get bored with it. The bad news is when I decided to include it on this blog and comment on how much I like it, I couldn't remember which company created it. Apple? Sprint? Verizon? Who? I had to wait until I saw it once again. As you can see it was for AT&T Blackberry. Sometimes, maybe a commercial is too entertaining.

Her worst fear literally changed her life forever.

Broadcast news, which is annoying to begin with has several cliches which drive me mad. Actually they have dozens. I'll only mention three. 1: "A situation that changed her life forever." Everything we do changes our life forever. There is no need for this word. But newscasters attach to endless stories thinking it add some kind of drama. It doesn't. If a man loses both legs in a car accident it changes his life. There is little chance he will grow new legs and even with prosthetics, he still has a different life. Adding "forever" seems to suggest that there may have been a chance to go back to the way things were. Idiotic! Another favorite is, "A woman's worst fear." This is annoying because the fear can change from day to day, even on the same station. The "woman's worst fear" can be the death of a child, breast cancer, kidnapping, divorce, rape any number of things. "Stay tuned for a story about a Florida woman who was faced with a woman's worst fear." This was the teaser for a story about a woman who had been kidnapped and locked in the trunk of a car. (Yes, she survived.) But how many women, when asked, would say, "My worst fear is being kidnapped and locked in the trunk of a car"? Finally, I am stunned at the number of "educated" (an assumption, I admit) newscasters who have no idea what the difference is between "literally" and "figuratively." Of course, they almost never use "figuratively" but I have heard announcers say, "He literally ripped his head off" after someone had been soundly scolded. When they don't use the word with complete inaccuracy, they use it when it is not necessary,"They literally found the drowned man on the beach." Duh! Even highly regarded Bob Woodward, when speaking of his new book on BIll Maher's show, said, "They literally had the upper hand." What the hell does that mean? Why do I care? Because I'm cranky, of course. Also it depresses me to think that if news is that bad now, what will it be in

ten years.