My most hated word.

Last night in a Nissan commercial, which I cannot find on YouTube, they used the word about eight times. Dozens of commercials use it because copywriters are lazy and reach for the obvious,

especially in children's commercials where better words should be introduced to challenge young minds. Announcers use it endlessly, though it should be shunned by anyone over 16. Very few friends agree with me and many seem to think I'm a pain to so resent this word. Everybody uses it instead of trying to dig into their vocabulary to find a more suitable or descriptive word. Or, if they don't have a vocabulary, buy a thesaurus. My friend Peter, bless him, knows it annoys me and tries to avoid it. But to most people today, it's unavoidable. They are addicted to it. They have no replacement, no synonym. They don't even know what a pathetic cliche it has become. I never use the word, at least in the mindless context others do. I will only use it for its other meanings. Which is why it is not included in this post. You know what it is, and you will probably use it ten or twenty times today. But I hope not.

Boy, are we stupid.

In its infancy and early years television was free. It was supported by commercials and there weren't that many. Lots of popular shows had one sponsor: Goodyear Television Playhouse, Kraft Theater, GE Presents, Your Hit Parade (Lucky Strike), etc. In many cases there were three commercial breaks: at the beginning, the middle, and the end. All right, it was black and white and the picture wasn't great. But it was free and we assumed it would stay free. But as more and more stations appeared and color arrived, we had more choices and a much clearer picture. Which, of course, led to cable. Now the cable people suggested, if they didn't say it outright, that if we paid to watch television there would no commercials or at least far fewer. We fell for it. Now we see armies of commercials, sometimes as many as 12 in row. We even see commercials while we're watching the shows, with the sudden appearance of silent sales pitches at the bottom the screen. Purists, like me, have to watch shows with the presenter's logo on the screen throughout the show even during classic movies. Why should I have to look at AMC while I'm watching DOA? Even so-called premium stations deluge us with commercials for their so-called commercial-free presentations. And, of course, we pay dearly for the privilege of watching TV and paying broadcasters to bombard us with strings of loud, repetitive pitches, some entertaining, most not and none ever interesting the 18th time around. Now I realize that broadcasters have to pay for these shows and the technology. But how much profit do they reall need to make at our expense? I'm sure they would be sitting pretty with even half the commercial income and we'd be better off with half the shows. But, guess what? Very few of us ever complain about it. Like I said, boy, are we stupid!

Christ was a Democrat.

It always amazes me the number of evangelicals, Baptists, Congregationalists, Mormons, whatever, who vote Republican but call themselves Christians. A true Christian would have to be a Democrat. There's nothing complicated about it. Christ believed in providing aid, comfort, and shelter to the poor. He taught that the wealthy will not enter the Kingdom of Heaven (a billionaire Christian is an oxymoron.) He believed in charity, kindness, tolerance, spreading the wealth, being a Good Samaritan—in short everything that the Republicans, as a party, are fighting against. Many of these people who label themselves as Christians are Herods, Pilates and money-changers.They are the very people that Christ tried to convert from their selfish ways to a greater sense of humanity. Frankly, I think they have a nerve calling themselves Christians. As an atheist, I follow Christ's teachings far more than most Christians, as do millions of Muslims, Jews, Buddhists, true Christians, and those with no religious affiliation. Right now we are being deluged with delusional pseudoChristians like Angle, Paul, and—God help us—O'Donnell. If these people and others like them get in and we have a Republican leadership, we will not have a Congress that believes in truth, justice and the America way. We will have powerful Phillistines who only worship power and money and have nothing but contempt for those who don't have either. Which is why getting out the vote has never been more important to Democrats and—for that matter—anyone who believes in the Golden Rule.

Stupid product indorsement.

The commercial below is one of the older Ensure commercials, but it doesn't matter because they all have the same problem. Why did they name the product Ensure if they're going to pronounce it Insure? Does anybody at that agency even notice? Has anyone said, "Excuse me, but our product, of which we are very proud, is pronounced N-sure not In-sure."? It's just one of the many commercials in which nobody seems to be in charge of diction. It's amazing how many toothpaste ads talk about dennists and dennal care. Then, of course, there's my favorite bugaboo: commercials for innanet services. I once wrote to Ethan Allen because they had a national commercial in which they referred to their selection as wond-er-ous. The word is wondrous. And, wonder of wonders, they changed the commercial to make it correct. I hope it wasn't because of me, but because lots of people care about correctness.

Ensure TV Ad (2003)

Stupid or sour grapes.

I know what Chase Sapphire is trying to with this (and similar) commercials. Obviously using points that have no blackouts and restrictions, even at the last minute during Christmas, is impressive. So impressive that remarkable occurrences, like spending the holidays with Chevy Chase, are supposed to seem pale in comparison. It's a good idea, but I don't think it works. It makes the neighbors seem either stupid or so jealous they are unwilling to acknowledge the unique experience of their friends. Yes, I get the the point of the commercial is exaggeration; but, sorry, I like a certain amount of logic even with exaggerations.

Chevy Chase Chase Commercial

What else can we do to lose?

When Bill Maher returned to HBO last night, he showed us the new logo and theme for the Democratic party. It was so bland, flat and stupid I assumed it was comic bit by him to show how clueless the party leaders can be. Then I began to worry that he was serious, which he was. This truly stupid logo and line had to be created by someone. Who? Then it had to be approved by lots of other people. Who? It's terrible. It looks like a competitor for Target stores or a symbol that an inventor hasn't obtained a copyright, but it's under Decision. It's a capital letter trapped in a circle. What Freudian significance does that have? Plus, with Republicans flashing red, white and blue as if they were only ones who owned that tricolor palette,why would we choose two bland blues—one not even the color on the American flag? And what about the slogan: "Change that matters." That's the kind of groan-getting line that someone would toss out at a creative session before we got serious. I am hoping that this idiotic choice has not already been reproduced on posters, banners and mailers as the only thing it could stand for is "Dumb."

How can you be cranky about holidays?

Now that I am retired I don't get excited about holidays. Three- or four-day weekends have no meaning any longer. But being cranky, there are still things that bother me about the holidays. For instance, the Fourth of July. I don't like fireworks. Partly because they are the same boring burst in the air and whistling skyrockets as when I was a kid. Plus, they're never as good as the ones you see on television from Australia or Paris. But mostly I dislike fireworks because they upset animals. I hate to see the fear and anxiety that dogs and cats go through on this loud, loud night. Of course, living in Miami one also has to worry about being hit by an errant bullet since so many idiots are out shooting off their guns. This same danger applies to New Year's Eve. The only thing I don't like about Chistmas is that every announcer in the world says Sanna Claus instead of the correct Santa. And Halloween, (which I know is not a holiday) carries with it a similar annoyance as so many people say Holloween. Where they hell did they get that pronunciation? Despite being an atheist I rather like Easter. My favorite holiday is probably the favorite of many, many gourmets and gourmands for obvious reasons: Thanksgiving. A. It's one of the few holidays where you can sorta eat without guilt and it's almost impossible to mispronounce.

My November campaign if I had millions.

With so much at stake this November, I can only hope that the Democrats don't screw it up with wimpy ads. Here's what I would do. Each oof these is a ten-second spot featuring an appealing and attractive person representing each each comment: a gay man or woman, a factory worker, a senior citizen, a Latino, a soldier, whatever. They would look directly into the camera, deliver their line with sincerity and incredulity. Over and out.

You're gay and you're planning to vote Republican? You're kidding!

You're a senior citzen and you're voting Republican? You're kidding!

You're Latino and you're planning to vote Republicann? You're kidding!

You make under $250,000 a year and you're voting Republican? You're kidding!

You survived on unemployment insurance and you're voting Republican? You're kidding!

You're a veteran in need of medical care and you're voting Republican? You're kidding!

Since the Republicans screw so many groups of people, there can be lots of these ads.

Note: The photos below represent the kind of attractive, intelligent faces that I would suggest for this campaign. (Apologies to Firefox if the photos overlapped.)

You're voting Republican? You're kidding!

Why am I telling this story?

If you have an interest in long, nearly meaningless stories, this may appeal to you. Especially since it's in three parts. Part I. I almost never purchase anything because I've seen it on a television commercial. But since my hands have looked so beaten up lately I was impressed with the Gold Bond Healing Lotion ads and decided to buy a bottle (is plastic also a bottle?) Part II. I was surprised to find out at Walgreen's that the product was $10.49 since I think most hand lotions are worth about $3.00. Nevertheless I bought it. It annoyed me at my next stop, to find that Publix had priced it at only $8.99. Since Walgreen's always charges more, I should have known better. Anyway, I bought it at Publix and returned the Walgreen's purchase for a full refund. Part III. The label on the Gold Bond Ultimate Healing Skin Therapy Lotion, along with lots of other details, makes three promises: penetrates fast; non-greasy; and fresh, clean scent. I supposed it penetrated fast, but it was very, very greasy and had no scent at all. What's the point of all this? Most products don't do what they promise and consumers almost never complain but consign them to the trash or the area under the bathroom sink. As it happens I like this very greasy, overpriced lotion, so while it is a scentless purchase it was not completely senseless.

Quick! Get me a bucket of water.

Delware, we've got a problem.

It is astonishing to me that Republicans in Delaware gave a nod to Christine O'Donnell. This woman, if possible, is even more whacked out than Sharon Angle. Why are the Teabaggers (Repubs) so willing to put nutcases in Congress? O'Donnell when she was on Bill Maher's Politically Incorrect more or less said she wouldn't lie to Hitler even if there were a Jew hidden in her house. She insisted that God would help her at such a moment so she wouldn't have to lie. On the same show she told Eddie Izzard that she liked his lipstick. Knowing how moralistic, uptight and zealous she is, do we believe that lipstick lie for a moment? Traditional Republicans (who are not all fundamentalist and bigots) must be as frustrated as Democrats to see what is happening to our country. For a woman who won't lie, she has a trail of questionable comments behind her like breadcrumbs. Hopefully they will all come out before November so America isn't saddled with this Sarah Palin clone. I would say this woman is frigging crazy, except she claims she doesn't believe in masturbation.

Mad Men Opening Credits

Ah, the apple trees!

You would think since I've been in advertising for 43 years, more people would ask me what I think of Mad Men. But they don't. So, I'll give my opinion anyway. First of all, in the late 60s, when I was at an important agency in Boston (never worked on Madison Avenue) female creatives were treated the same as men. I never knew a single executive to have a open bar in his office, though lots had hidden liquor. People did drink at lunch and often came back smashed. Most writers and directors were wildly overpaid and, to my mind, with few exceptions, not all that brilliant. It was rare to find a writer who actually wrote something other than ads. The least talented had the biggest egos. Sadly, there wasn't that much intramural sex, but there were always a few open affairs. Unlike the Mad Men agency, being gay was no big deal. Lunch, however, was a very big deal and the part of the job I always liked most. I notice on Mad Men that Peggy nor any writer has to write much body copy. We wrote reams of it, including lots of rejected radio spots. (The writing, by the way, was much more literate then.) In fact my best work (and others, I am sure) was never produced. Clients generally approved the less brilliant idea and Account Executives rarely had any fight in them. Often the minions who drew the storyboards for TV and pasted up the mechanical for print were far more talented than the art directors and writers who often copied ideas from the piles of award-winning ad books in their offices. Creatives thought that what they did was valuable; I thought of everything as fabulous today, forgotten tomorrow. The most real character to me on Mad Men is Joan. It seems like every agency I worked for had one. She was either loved or despised, and often ever bit as voluptuous as Joan. Do I love the show? Of course. It wonderful. Does it ring true to me. Mostly. But then I didn't work in New York, just Boston and Miami. What do I consider the most ironic part of my career? Easy. That there were so many Peter Principle clients who didn't recognize good work when they saw it and worried over every comma or inflicted their personal neuroses into every campaign. On the other hand, when I worked in Miami, there was one female client who wasn't a nitpicker, trusted the agency and—because she made so few changes in my copy—was my favorite client of all, though I only met her a few times: Leona Helmsley. That's all I can think or right now. I will probably add more later.

That's Logistics - TV Spot

I'm glad Dean's not alive to see this.

I heard that jingles are back. That usually means that the lazy creative team will drag out some old song, change the lyrics and hope it works. It usually doesn't. This new commercial for UPS is beautifully filmed, but I can't imagine why they would choose "That's Amore" as the song behind it and change the lyrics to have frequent repetitions of "That's Logistics." This commercial belongs in a that very large category of ads: The ones that are interesting to see once, but you hope you never see again—or at least not without the sound off. It's a pity, too. It looks like they spent a ton of money for the locations and visuals. So, why couldn't they hire a good composer to write a jingle that one could bear to hear again?

I hate to be pedannic, but....

It's certainly obvious by now that I think the media have got dumber and dumber. Another excellent example of their herd mentality will become more and more obvious as the political season heats up. I checked my dictionary tonight, actually two dictionaries, and—yes—the correct pronunciation for candidate is still can-dah-date or can-dah-dit. But I defy anyone to find a newscaster who doesn't say cannadit. I don't know why they are so obsessed with getting rid of the letter "d" in the middle of words, but they are. So, plan on lots of innaviews with lots of cannidits from both the West Coast and the Atlannic states in the new few months.

P.S. On last night's news Brian Williams opened with a story in which he referred so the activity being "frannic." He really should check the pronunciation on the innanet.

P.P.S. Two other words that nobody pronounces correctly (yes, some dictionaries have given in) are: era and err. While most people pronounce era as airah, it should be earah. Err is pronounced err as in her not air as in chair.

Living in a Mediacracy.

While there is no question that Fox News is the most despicable pretend-news source on television; almost every news outlet has become pathetic. With the exception of PBS there is no in-depth reporting. How can anything that last 60 seconds be in-depth? Also, how can a country be informed when ratings-nervous news directors decide which stories to tell and which to avoid? Americans heard more about an insignificant Gainesville church's threatened Quaran-burning than they did about the world-affecting war in Afghanistan. The news gives us constant reports on ever-changing and unreliable polls which sway the opinions of the vacillating and ill-informed masses. They tease us with comments like this. "New pill may save millions of lives. Tune in in Thursday." Is this responsible news? The news deluges us with the misspeaks from cyphers like Sarah Palin and not the wisdom of world geniuses like Stephen Hawking. They gives us cultural reports on Lady Gaga but don't seem to even know that American's greatest composer/lyricist even exists. They use words that most people don't know without ever explaining them. (I'm smart and I haven't' a clue what cap and trade is or even it's cap 'n trade.) Serious newsman like Edward R. Murrow are replaced by anchor models who make myriad grammatical and pronunciation errors. American is in danger of becoming a mediacracy: a country whose opinions and interests are not informed by but created by broadcast and printed news, just as Fox has seized the reasoning of its especially vacuuous viewers. I don't think it was a coincidence that Orwell used the word newspeak as a dumbing-down vocabulary tool for its oppressive society in 1984. I thought it meant "new" but now I'm convinced it meant "news?"

A necessary political campaign.

The media are telling us that Democrats are running scared and they're in danger of losing lots of elections come November. Frankly, I don't believe it. I don't see how it's possible for the Republicans to get the votes of blacks, whom they seem to hate; Latinos whom they have labelled as intruders and criminals; gays whom they regard as infidels and perverts; and the elderly whom they seem to feel are parasites for claiming Social Security and Medicare benefits. Who votes for these heartless people? I'll tell you. Millions of Democrats who think they are Republicans. Why? Because they are uneducated and their parents told them they were Republicans and they never gave it another thought. Not even when they're working for minimum wage or constantly being underpaid by wealthy employers. My sister, now dead, was dirt poor. She often depended on welfare, she had two children who needed assistance. She often collected unemployment. She sometimes used free clinics. She repeated all the slogans of the Republicans without any real understanding of their philosophy. She considered herself a Republican right till her death from cancer and I am sure her children think of themselves as Republicans There are millions of poor people just like her. And they're playing right into their enemy's hands. What America needs is a campaign to convince people like my sister and millions of others that they are Democrats and that's how they should vote for their best interests. Are there Republicans who think they are Democrats? Yes, of course. But let's let them keep thinking that.

Bald faced lies.

Is this the future of America? I hope not. Rick Scott is one of the scummy, rich politicians who feels he can buy the governorship of Florida and he may be right. After all he has millions of dollars, apparently accrued from some shady Medicare scams. But even scarier is that he will get votes despite the fact that he is so obviously unctuous. All over America we are besieged with egocentric naricissist billionaires like Scott, Carly Fiorino and Meg Whitman. One has to wonder why these people are so eager to spend millions to win a job that pays so little. And, if they are as altruistic as they pretend, why not spend the money on people and organizations in dire need? The answer is obvious: They want power more than anything else their money can buy. And each time we give one of these soulless megalomaniacs an office, we weaken our country.

Accountable

More dumbing of America.

There was a time when the national news seemed to hire the most articulate, the most trenchant newscasters. They spoke well. They gave you insights into the news. And, I suspect, if they made a mistake. they knew it. Not any more. Tonight in just a mere ten minutes on ABC national news, I noticed, what were to me, two glaring errors. One was a report on a charity-driven program that provided free school supplies to teachers. A great idea. But the newcaster said, "Coming up next a back-to-school sale where everything is free." If everything is free, it is not a sale. Moments later a promo for an ABC show that spoke of "...leads that didn't lead anywhere." Then, they were not leads. These are just two of many errors I notice in every newscast. Not because I am so smart, but because the networks have become so inaccurate. I think ABC, NBC and CBS should buy themselves good dictionaries and a comprehensive grammar book.

PBS Antiques Roadshow Commercial :60

No comment needed.

This commercial for the "Antiques Road Show" is so perfect, so compelling, so amusing and so flawless there is no need to comment on it. Just watch and enjoy.

How do they get there?

This weekend, I saw a sermon by John Hagee. What a whackjob! This intolerant blob of a person was describing to his delusional congregation a nuclear holocaust. The very fact that he could come up with so many scenes of hideous pain and destruction shows clearly what a sick fuck this man is. I am sure that God unleashed this horror of violence on Hagee's imaginary cities because two men made love. Certainly that's reason enough to have a mushroom cloud destroy millions of people and burn the faces of small children before vaporizing them completely. What most amazes me is how these utterly bitter, stupid, ill-educated idiots reach these heights of bigotry in the first place. After all, they are millionaires who seem to enthrall thousands of pseudo-Christians (you can't hate like they do and be true Christians) with their screwball rhetoric and pissed-off polemics. And it can't be a sexual thing by the obviously repressed pewclingers because this guy is fireplug ugly. I don't get it. I guess there are more hatemongers out there than I would like to believe. God knows, his huge temple of intolerance was full of them. A few days after Hagee's rant this porcine prophet of prejudice was sitting in the first row of Glenn Beck's Lincoln Memorial rally. What does that tell you?

Ask Me About My Tempur-Pedic (Commercial)

Never? Did he say "never?"

"Ask me why someone who has never had an ache or a pain is in love with this bed." This is what one of the actors on this Tempur-Pedic commercial says. Did anyone check the script before shooting it? If he's never had an ache or a pain how does he know it's because of this bed? Isn't the correct wording, "Ask me why someone who has never had an ache or pain since sleeping on Tempur-Pedic is in love with this bed." I marvel at the number of word inaccuracies in costly, frequently run commercials, especially since words are the least expensive and most flexible ingredient. I'd lose sleep if I wrote this commercial.

Note: They never give you a clue as to price of this bed. That's scary!