A rant about pet products.

I went to the vet today (always an expensive event) to have a cat's stool checked for parasites. It was fine. While there I decided to buy some Capstar tablets, which kill fleas immediately but only for a day. The last time I purchased them, a package of six was $17.00. Not bad. Today, one month later they were $24.95. An $8 increase. Necessary or greedy? I go with greedy. Even more offensive are Advantage tablets for cats, which kill fleas for a month. They're manufactured by Bayer (the same people who provided the Germans with exterminating gas during the Holocaust). Six doses of this medication costs about $65.00, and it isn't any less if you get it through PetMed. While having no degree in science, I am sure that Bayer (a despicable company to begin with) is gouging its customers for ingredients which probably cost pennies. I admit it: We pet owners are suckers. We'll pay what it costs. And greedy manufacturers, sly pusses that they are, know that.

Note: You might ask why I buy products from Bayer knowing their horrific history. I don't anymore.

It's not that difficult.

A podium is a platform upon which you stand. A lectern is a stand which you stand next to, behind or in front of to deliver your platform or speech or whatever. You do not stand at or behind the podium; you stand on the podium and at the lectern. Pod comes from podos: foot. Lectern comes from legare: to read. Seems simple, doesn't it, but it is rare for anyone to use the word podium correctly and that goes for every newscaster on television. Now, I am sure I will have people say to me, "My dictionary accepts podium as synonymous with lectern." And it probably does, because dictionaries, like many teachers, often just give up on people who can't get it right.

Chantix. Isn't that Romanian for a cabaret singer?

Chantix is just one of the many prescription medications that helps smokers quit. Their commercials are very well done and the real people actually seem real. But as a person who spent years trying to quit and eventually did, I cannot imagine why anyone would risk taking this product. First of all the statistics aren't that great: 44% of users quit in weeks 9-12 as opposed to 18% on a sugar pill. That's a pretty good percentage for a placeo. But Chantix is far from a sugar pill. This commercial spends nearly an entire minute on the dangers and side effects of Chantix. So, I suspect that continuing to smoke doesn't pose significantly more risk than taking Chantix. Does anybody have a light?

Chantix Commercial featuring Herb, from Northport, Alabama.

Bud Light Real Men of Genius

I know you can't knock success, but...

I don't think any advertiser thinks less of their customer than Bud Light. Their ads, which so many people think are hilarious, seem to suggest that the average American male is stupid, sex-starved, dishonest, juvenile, anti-intellectual, predatory, low brow, vulgar, cheap, and highly scatalogical. I am sure they continue these ads because they are successful, which may only prove their point I don't happen to like beer, but I don't think I would buy a coffee brand whose smarmy commercials suggested that it was very popular with impotent nerds with low I.Q.s

Big Oil (API) Commercial Parody

Give me a break!

Unfortunately I could not find the commercial that, at the moment, offends me the most. It's a spot for The American Petroleum Institute. They are apparently fearful that new taxes will prevent them from making obscene profits. But rather than admit that, they show ordinary people encouraging lawmakers to not raise taxes on these robber barons (as if the man-or-woman-in-the-street actually gave a damn). I give American Petroleum the Scumball Award for hiding behind behind the very people they so profitably screw. I will add the despicable commercial if I ever find it. In the meantime I have included a parody of one of their other deceptive commercials.

Note: Still have not found this irritating commercial, but it runs all the time showing all these supposedly "real" people defending the petroleum institute against increased taxes.

Nope. It still hurts.

Despite the fact that they don't work, we buy many ineffective products year after year. Cold medicines don't work. One still coughs and feels lousy. The only exception is Nyquil and that's because it knocks you out cold. But you don't wake up cured. And—don't kid yourself—nothing soothes a sore throat, not Sucrets, not Cepacol, nothing. They all taste terrible and give you a kind of numbing effect, but not enough to stop the pain any time you swallow or cough. The only cure is time. Tooth-whitening toothpastes don't really work, at least not as effectively as the makers claim. I haven't had much luck with super glues or stain removers. Recent studies indicate that vitamins are a waste of money. We all know that any "lose 5 pounds in two days" products are useless as are most of the exercise inventions. I haven't tried them, but I suspect that any over-the-counter ED product is a flaccid failure. I doubt very much if costly hair restorers really restore hair. The lotions that promise younger, smoother skin can't really override the changes that come with time. Yet, we keep buying the lies, buying the promises and buying all those products that don't even close to doing what they say they will.

National Commercials (part 2 of 9) 1980

Run that by me again.

I thought I had written about this commercial before, but I don't see it on my blog. I also think the commercial has been changed since I first imagined I commented and has now been made somewhat clearer. But it's still wrong. She says, "24 hours after I painting this wall, I taped over it to add another color." But she actually added two colors. Petty? Of course. But one wonders why they would spend so much money on a commercial that runs very, very often and not have it perfectly correct. Hell, it's only 30 seconds.

ScotchBlue Painter's Tape Commercial

A surprising search.

After writing the post in praise of the Jontue commercial, I tried looking for the commercial I wrote for Sophia Perfume back in 1985, but had no luck. So I went searching for the print ad. I was amazed to find out two things. One that there were several sites on which the ad is, in fact, being sold. I wish I'd know that; I would have saved more tear sheets. But, two, and even more interesting was a website in which an author had written several pages on the ad itself, ascribing to it all kinds of mythical meanings and hidden intentions which I never intended. The ad won a First Place Clio, which was a thrill, but I would rather have met Sophia Loren. I wasn't, however, invited to the shoot in California: Creative Directors can be so greedy about celebrities.

The way I remember it...

Today when so many perfume commercials are so hip, so cool, so the opposite of romantic, it's nice to look back at this commercial. It's lush, it's a fantasy, and I think it's what a perfume spot should be. Plus it has two wonderful lines I wish I had written: "Sensuous but not too far from innocence" and "Wear it and be wonderful."

Jontue Perfume commercial 1983

I wish I had a car.

If I did I would buy Geico insurance just for creating this commercial. While other commercials in the series are very funny, like the Waltons saying goodnight and the angry pyschiatrist, this is a spot that makes me laugh every time.

New GEICO Commercial - Piggy

Liars are so cute.

This Flo TV spot is a good example of a popular trend in advertising. Lying. In this supposedly adorable spot the child suggests to his proud father that he is now able to use the bathroom alone. But once in there, he spends his time watching TV. One can only imagine what kind of devious adult this brat will turn into. This just one of many commercials where the humor is based on lying: a husband to his wife or vice versa, a friend to a friend, a girl to an unwanted suitor, etc. One could argue that it's humorous, all in good fun and whimsical. And I completely agree. And guess what? That was a lie. I don't agree at all.

Note: Another commercial in this series ridicules a guy who is out shopping with his girlfriend rather than watching sports on TV. The suggestion is that he is unmanly because he doesn't ditch her for the game. This is a company that does not have a high regard for people.

Tea Collection Kids Pajamas in FLO TV commercial

It's a grand old flag, but....

Today I received a plea for donations from Feeding America. Included with it were free address stickers, which are always handy. The only problem is I already have dozens of them from various animal charities. I liked these new ones because they were easier to read than some of the tinier labels from the SPCA and others. But I knew I wouldn't use them and that annoyed me. I wouldn't because they were all very patriotic: The bald eagle, Liberty Bell, Statue of Liberty, the American flag and the Declaration of Independence. All admirable symbols. And all hijacked by the far right and used shamelessly and excessively to suggest that they are more patriotic than other Americans. I knew I wouldn't use any of these labels because I didn't want to be labelled as a jingoistic Republican. I may be overreacting, but now when I see a flag on a lawn or an "I Love America" bumper sticker, I always assume it's been put there by some gung-ho, war-loving, chauvinistic, gun-toting right-winger. Of course that can't always be the case, but that's what it feels like. So, yes, I'll send Feeding America a check, but, no, I won't use their labels. I'll stick to the saccharine, small-type peel-and-sticks with photos of kittens and puppies.

It isn't that difficult.

I don't claim to be an expert on the English language, just more capable than most. Look at my past posts and you can find many things to pick on. For instance, I often forget to put the question mark at the end of an interrogatory sentence. The people who should be expert at English are those who are paid to use it, like radio and television announcers. Yet I have found them to be the most inept users of our language. My latest pet peeve among many is the misuse of the word related to the principles, doctrines or beliefs of a group, most notably used for religions. The Catholic Church, for instance, has tenets not tenants, unless you're speaking about someone who lives there, like the mouse shown here. But most announcers refer to the tenants of the church. Where did they get that?

Nothing to do with advertising.

As a fan of true crime (books, articles, Forensic Files, you name it) I am astonished by the number of mostly woman and girls who are raped and/or murdered by criminals who enter the house through an unlocked window. Who sleeps with an unlocked window? I don't understand anyone today who hasn't armed their home with a security system, bars, window locks or alarms, or other kind of protection from unwanted intruders. These are the same people who think nothing of having a complete stranger enter their home for a repair estimate or to do some maintenance work without checking them out. These same trusting souls are the ones who open the door on hearing the bell or a knock without ever asking who it is. I just read a depressing true crime book about a young woman who lived in a neighborhood that made her nervous, in an apartment that didn't feel safe, among neighbors who had recently complained of a peeping tom. She was brutally murdered by a sociopath who, while she was sleeping, quietly entered through an unlocked window. Well, actually I can put an advertising spin on this. I really like the commercial for Brinks (who may have changed their name) in which a young woman is saying goodnight, on the front porch, to a man she apparently just met through visiting friends. After she reenters her home and locks the door this same guy, who seemed normal, tries to break in and attack her. Fortunately he is foiled by the advertised alarm system.

Why is it that so many people have difficulty giving compliments? This is especially true of men complimenting other men. As if telling someone they look nice is an invitation to a homosexual tryst. Not only do men generally not say nice things to each other, but often use the semi-insulting barb as a form of—warmth. Though women are somewhat better, they also seem to have trouble with compliments that go beyond hair or clothing. It's a pity really, because a simple compliment can make a person's day.

This political commercial offends on all kinds of levels. First of all it begins by calling Obama the worst president in history, an absurd accusation considering the many successes he has had and, even more, considering the idiot that preceded him. Second this attack is being launched by the lightweight son of one of the lightest weight Vice Presidents in history, a boob of a dad who is most famous for encouraging a child to misspell potato. But it is also laughable to think that this attractive, yet nerdy, candidate is ready to do battle with the schoolyard bully, much less Washington, D.C. Fortunately since drawing attention to himself, he has been exposed as a person who contributes to a local near-porn site and lying about it. So, I don't think we'll see this superhero beating up too many Democrats in the streets of D.C. As Benny the Geek says in this spot, "I was raised right." True, far right.

Footnote: This clown won in the primary which is another mark against the intelligence of the State of Arizona. Apparently they citizens of that state don't care whether someone is a liar or runs ads showing someone's children with the suggestion that they are his. I wonder if he will sire any more fake children by election time.

I'm so scared.

The beginning of a new word epidemic.

The only reason I am concerned about this issue is that I noticed it three times on TV this morning. The first time the newscaster, in referring to the recent shooting rampage in Connecticut, said that, "people are still in shock right now." Minutes later on CNN, another announcer said, "An investigation is going on right now." And, minutes later, another announcer stated, "Right now I'm live from..." In all three cases right now is redundant. Will this be another deluge of annoying grammatical inaccuries like the great "virtually" epidemic of 2009 or the unstoppable "literally" battle that continues to this day? Or will it be a infrequent annoyance like the newcasters who say such things as, "She was also cited for illegal parking as well?"

P.S. You have no idea how much I hate putting that question mark in the final quote. But those who know tell me it is the correct (though not logical) way to punctuate.

What were they thinking?

This morning I made some purchases at Walgreens' in Coral Gables. While I was waiting in the checkout line, I saw a product that caught my eye. It was a box of individually wrapped in cellophane cubes just above the candy display. Lying next to the open box that contained them was the festive yellow and white striped lid which read Elephant. I assumed that they were probably a candy like halvah or possible some kind of exotic honeyed sweet. Certainly their appearance made them a tempting impulse purchase for parents waiting in line with the children. Still not knowing what kind of candy they were, I picked up one of them to read the little white label under the cellophane. I read, "Warning hamful or fatal if swallowed." This was shocking enough to me, that these camphor cubes would be with the store's candy display, but knowing how many of the customers speak Spanish only it seems like a nightware waiting to happen. Being pushy and aggressive, I encouraged the pharmacist to make sure that this display was removed, which he assured me would be done. I also called Walgreen's home office and Channel 7. Nobody seemed to think it was a rife with danger as I did, which makes the entire situation even scarier.

Follow up: When I went back to Walgreen's two days later, the display of poison with candy was still there. This time I made more of a fuss and waited till they removed it. I also have written to Walgreen's about this weird situation. I will be curious to see if they write back.

And right now you can...

Huh? What is with this epidemic of commercials that are clipped off before they are finished? Is this a new marketing ploy of which we, the viewers, are not aware? Did someone say, "Consumers don't need to see the whole commercial Mr. Pepsi. They've seen it before. So, if you're willing to cut off 3 seconds, we'll give you a price break."? I don't get it. Not that I mind them clipping commercials, mind you. I'm all for it. It gives me a chance to see more of my favorite show which happens to be

Who was the casting director?

If you're going to do commercials presenting a character as "the most interesting man in the world," you might consider choosing someone who looks uniquely interesting. Living in Miami, I see this same man on every street corner: a beyond middle-age Latino with a beard and a certain amount of charm. This actor has no special charisma, is not especially handsome, does not have a particularly commanding voice and is completely unbelievable in these commercials. The casting director or sponsor needed a Sean Connery type, someone who consumers could accept as a possible real-life, wealthy, multi-lingual, multi-talented bon vivant and not just another actor who won out in the casting call. Of course it's also possible that this man is the egomaniacal owner of the beer company and regards himself as the most interesting man in the world. Either way, I think these commercials are incredibly weak because they can't deliver what they promise, the most— well, you know.

P.S. Since writing this post, I must admit that several people have told me they love these commercials and think the actor is perfect for the part. Despite that, I still find these commercials weak and wouldn't want to have a beer with this guy. One friend, who doesn't like these commercials had an interesting take: He felt he appears to be like a very wealthy, surrounded with girls, drug dealer.

While we're on the subject...

There are several other movie cliches that drive me mad. For instance, when the phone rings in the middle of the night, the character always turns on the light before answering it. I doubt that many of us do that. We groggily reach for the damn phone in the dark, hoping the call won't wake us completely and knowing that bright light will. Another is the smart-ass remark. Okay scriptwriters have to make a living. But I hate it when one characters insults another and all they get in return is a witty comeback. In real life, people walk out or punch the insulter in the face. Don't believe me? Try it sometime. Then there are the many, many films where the heroine or child is being held by a maniacal killer and under threat of imminent death. In these cases our hero never calls the police to tell them where to go, but instead leaps in his car and has a frantic drive across town to arrive just in time to save the day. Actually he had more than enough time because in films before the villain kills anyone, he always explains his motives and outlines all his moves for the hero before being taken off guard and killed. And that's easy to do because in movies the bad guys are excellent shots when it comes to killing extras, but lack any kind of true marksmanship when firing at the film's star.